Special Message from Queen Hillary Dear American Subjects, As you know, my dear people, for the last year, the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about the our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi in the furthest regions of our empire. And sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails. Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next six months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Mart's and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs. How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace, we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by. During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year and not have to do anything while awaiting the royal birth of our first grandchild, I ask you, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run our' Clinton Foundation'. So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you-all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the royal election (and subsequent Coronation) comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama's policies, and we can all live happily ever after. Your Queen-in-Waiting, Hilarity Rodham Clinton, aka "Slick Hillie
pfft, even I look better than she does as the Queen...least before I went back to a full beard. ya'll don't want to see my playboy cover of Marilyn!
OMG!!!! Headed to the eye doctor first, then a visit to the Men in Black to have my memory of this visual event erased!
Okay. That was it. I finally used the red-hot icepick, and I must admit that I feel much better. At least my eyes do, anyway. (Did I make any typos here?)
