Tech Support for lady monkeys...

Discussion in 'Technical' started by Witch Doctor 01, Aug 11, 2011.

  1. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    Dear Tech Support:

    Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
    that the new program began making unexpected changes to the
    accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower
    and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
    No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
    In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs
    such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and
    installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball
    5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer
    runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances
    will it run DiaperChanging 14.1or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running
    Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of
    only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!

    Sincerely, XXX

    Dear XXX:

    This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is
    mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend
    5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an
    ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING
    SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications
    as possible.

    Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0,
    because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating
    files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate
    Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.

    It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files
    from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be
    installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited
    memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

    In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite
    applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have
    tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these
    women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.

    Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You
    will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with
    HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn
    the quirks of this strange and illogical system.

    Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read
    the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs].
    This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the
    parent company as an integral part of the operating system.

    Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and
    problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature
    enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".

    Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
    command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize
    12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

    Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional
    and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I
    APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal
    operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to
    GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.

    Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create
    FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to
    delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!

    Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame
    for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only
    intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great
    program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new
    applications quickly.

    Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I
    personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1.
    Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband
    1.0 running smoothly.

    After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and
    you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings
    2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

    A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
    MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will
    cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run
    only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is

    I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install
    Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck
    in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

    Tech Support

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    Sapper John, VisuTrac and BTPost like this.
  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    Holy cow! There's a manual??? I had to teach myself how to run the operating system!! Though, to be honest, I upgraded to version Husband 2.0. :D

    Ladies, having been a long-time user of this program, I will caution against expecting any version of the Husband program's "assumation of responsibilities, regardless of root cause" to work. Running the C:\I thought you loved me prompt (especially with Tears 6.2) is a serious file manipulation and should never be used, unless you plan on purging the entire system and upgrading.

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