Texas Heat...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Jun 15, 2006.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    Texas Heat [​IMG]

    May 30th--- Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny
    days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What
    a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was
    beautiful. I've finally found my home I love it here.

    June 14th--- Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in
    an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to
    see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshiper.

    June 30th--- Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of
    cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me.
    Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

    July 10th--- The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people
    get used to this kind of heat? At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to
    it is taking longer than I expected.

    July 15th--- Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my
    body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my
    lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

    July 20th--- I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
    morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen
    up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth of
    leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like
    Kibbles and *beep*. No more pets in this heat!

    July 25th--- Dry heat, my *beep*. Hot is hot!! The home air-conditioner is on
    the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he
    needed to order parts.

    July 30th--- Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,100
    in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come

    Aug 4th--- 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It
    cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman
    *beep* in my pool. I hate this state.

    Aug 8th--- If another wise *beep* asks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going
    to tear his throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator
    is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted

    Aug 10th--- The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and
    Sunny. It's been too hot for two damn months and the weatherman says it
    might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren damn
    desert?? Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth of
    cactus just dried up and blew into the pool. Even a cactus can't live in
    this heat.

    Aug 14th--- Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 123 today. Forgot to
    crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer
    came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" wife had to spend the
    $1,100 house payment to bail me out of jail.

    Aug 30th--- Worst day of the damn summer. I'm not leaving the house. The
    monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell.
    The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $500
    windshield. That does it, we're moving to New York for some peace and
  2. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Yes, I can attest to that! Now try it with body armor!!!
  3. 155gunner

    155gunner Monkey+++ Founding Member

    Reminds me of what General Sherman said of Texas, "If I owned both hell and Texas I'd live in hell and rent out Texas."
  4. Galactus

    Galactus Monkey+++ Founding Member

    Texas, like no place on Earth.
  5. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

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