The French--famous quotes

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Witch Doctor 01, Aug 16, 2011.

  1. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    With France having issues with it's economy i thought i'd pass on some quotes about the french

    ffice:eek:ffice" /><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com[​IMG]"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
    --- General George S. Patton

    "Going to war without ffice:smarttags" /><?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com[​IMG]<st1:place w:st="on">France</st1:place></st1:country-region> is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
    ---Norman Schwartzkopf

    "We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
    ----Marge Simpson

    "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
    ---Jacques Chirac, President of France; and...

    "As far as <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">France</st1:place></st1:country-region> is concerned, you're right."
    ---Rush Limbaugh

    The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Parissipping coffee."
    --- Regis Philbin

    "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Paris</st1:place></st1:City> and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know."
    --- P. J. O'Rourke (1989)

    "You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
    ---<st1:City w:st="on">John McCain</st1:City>, <st1:country-region w:st="on">U. S.</st1:country-region> Senator from <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Arizona</st1:place></st1:State>

    "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region>, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
    --Conan O'Brien

    "I don't know why people are surprised that <st1:country-region w:st="on">France</st1:country-region> won't help us get Saddam out of <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region>. After all, <st1:country-region w:st="on">France</st1:country-region> wouldn't help us get the Germans out of <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">France</st1:place></st1:country-region>!"
    ---Jay Leno

    "The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Paris</st1:place></st1:City> under a German flag."
    ---David Letterman

    French Army tanks have five gears: four in reverse, and one forwards..

    Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">France</st1:place></st1:country-region>.

    France announced today that it plans to ban fireworks at Euro Disney, following last night's display that caused a Division o f soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender.

    And here's one you probably already know: Why does the french navy have glass-bottomed boats? So they can watch the french air force!

    And . . . Mark Twain on the French (with cites . . .)
    In <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Paris</st1:place></st1:City> they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
    - Innocents Abroad

    The objects of which <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Paris</st1:place></st1:City> folks are fond--literature, art, medicine and adultery.
    - The Corpse speech, 1879

    <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">France</st1:place></st1:country-region> has neither winter nor summer nor morals--apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
    - Mark Twain's Notebook

    There is nothing lower than the human race except the French.
    - quoted by Carl Dolmetsch, Our Famous Guest

    It has always been a marvel to me--that French language; it has always been a puzzle to me. How beautiful that language is! How expressive it seems to be! How full of grace it is! And when it comes from lips like those [of Sarah Bernhardt], how eloquent and how limpid it is! And, oh, I am always deceived--I always think I am going to understand it.
    - Mark Twain, a Biography

    M. de Lamester's new French dictionary just issued in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Paris</st1:place></st1:City> defines virtue as: "A woman who has only one lover and don't steal."
    - quoted in A Bibliography of Mark Twain, Merle Johnson

    I like to look at a Russian or a German or an Italian--I even like to look at a Frenchman if I ever have the luck to catch him engaged in anything that ain't delicate.
    - Extract from Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven

    It is human to like to be praised; one can even notice it in the French.
    - "What Paul Bourget Thinks of Us"

    In certain public indecencies the difference between a dog & a Frenchman is not perceptible.
    - Notebook #17, October 1878 - February 1879

    It appears that at last census that every man in France over 16 years of age & under 116, has at least 1 wife to whom he has never been married. French novels, talk, drama & newspaper bring daily & overwhelming proofs that the most of the married ladies have paramours. This makes a good deal of what we call crime, and the French call sociability.
    - Notebook #18, Feb.- Sept. 1879

    <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">France</st1:place></st1:country-region> has usually been governed by prostitutes.
    - Notebook #18, Feb.- Sept. 1879

    French are the connecting link between man & the monkey.
    - Notebook #18, Feb.- Sept. 1879

    Trivial Americans go to <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Paris</st1:place></st1:City> when they die.
    - Notebook #18, Feb.- Sept. 1879

    It is the language for lying compliment, for illicit love & for the conveying of exquisitely nice shades of meaning in bright graceful & trivial conversations--the conveying, especially of double-meanings, a decent & indecent one so blended as--nudity thinly veiled, but gauzily & lovelily.
    - Notebook #18, Feb.- Sept. 1879

    A Frenchman's home is where another man's wife is.
    - Notebook #18, Feb.- Sept. 1879

    An isolated & helpless young girl is perfectly safe from insult by a Frenchman, if he is dead.
    - Notebook #20, Jan. 1882 - Feb. 1883

    A dead Frenchman has many good qualities, many things to recommend him; many attractions--even innocencies. Why cannot we have more of these?
    - Notebook #20, Jan. 1882 - Feb. 1883

    AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced yesterday that it
    has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two higher
    levels in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">France</st1:place></st1:country-region> are "surrender" and "collaborate."

    The change was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed one of
    <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">France</st1:place></st1:country-region>'s biggest white flag factories, thereby disabling their military.
    Alpha Dog, beast, Cephus and 4 others like this.
  2. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    I don't think Americans were so disparaging

    When France was a loyal ally, and French soldiers and sailors were fighting with Americans against the British during America's war of independence.....hmmm Lafayette would be rolling in his grave...some Americans have such short memories.
  3. Falcon15

    Falcon15 Falco Peregrinus

    When France helped fight the revolutionary war it was before the "French Revolution" and the advent of Socialistic Cowardice instead of a fair and moderated position of true political and military strength. Oh how soon the Aussies forget the Maginot Line, How soon they forget Vietnam, how soon they look the other way when the French forbid American fighter jets permission to fly through their air space on their way to address aggression on innocent peoples...

    Lafayette is INDEED rolling over in his grave because France is a mockery of the European power it once was.
    dystopia, beast, tacmotusn and 5 others like this.
  4. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    Ever hear of this chello...Louisiana Purchase...
    France had a working interest at the time...
  5. Sapper John

    Sapper John Analog Monkey in a Digital World

    Wow chelloveck...Did they outlaw humor in Australia also?[dunno]
    VisuTrac likes this.
  6. VisuTrac

    VisuTrac Ваша мать носит военные ботинки Site Supporter+++

    Sapper, I think they legislated that along with guns right after the Port Arthur Massacre.
    Falcon15 and Sapper John like this.
  7. tulianr

    tulianr Don Quixote de la Monkey

    It's probably a perspective thing. Any American who doesn't realize that this country owes France a debt of gratitude for the services the French rendered during the American Revolutionary War needs to go back and read his history.

    However, I think most Americans feel that after two world wars we have paid that debt of gratitude back with interest. Sometime about the Franco-Prussian War, the French military seems to have lost some of its starch; and what was left was drained out of them by the horrible generalship which cost so many French soldiers their lives during the first world war. By the time that the second world war rolled around, they seemed to be another people than they had been in 1776.

    Since the second world war, the French have seemed to go out of their way to stick their finger in America's eye, and it's now become personal. It's a pretty solid hate-hate relationship. Certainly amongst more conservative Americans, all you have to do is say the word "France" to get a sneer of derision. I have to admit that my two visits to France did nothing to endear me to the French as a people (and the food gave me heartburn).

    You gotta admit that some of those were funny. [ROFL]There's a reason that stereotypes exist. : )
    Opinionated, STANGF150 and BTPost like this.
  8. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    Chell it's probably more exaspiration than anything else... but i do try to keep some perspective... during the revolutionary war the french had a personal interest in the Colonies breaking away as it kept England busy with someone other than them......
  9. Legion489

    Legion489 Rev. 2:19 Banned

    A French officer was talking to a British officer and asked why the British officer wore a read coat, didn't he know that made him an easier target? The Brit replied that when shot, the red coat didn't show blood and therefore did not scare the men. After that all French officers have worn brown pants.
  10. Yoldering

    Yoldering Monkey+++

    That is great...
  11. beast

    beast backwoodsman

    with yellow stripes? LMFAO
  12. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Retired Curmudgeonly IT Monkey Founding Member

    I for one appreciate the vast amount of help the French gave our fledgling nation during our Revolution. Our success helped insprie their own people to do the same.
    Sadly, their nation destroyed it's economy helping us and their Empire crumbled.....

    ...and the french haven't forgiven us yet.
survivalmonkey SSL seal warrant canary