The Middle Wife

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by -06, Apr 16, 2012.

  1. -06

    -06 Monkey+++

    The Middle Wife
    (by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher)

    I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but thebest birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a fewyears back.

    When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions withmy students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell ispretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish theycatch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitationson them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they'rewelcome.

    Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takesher turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed underher sweater.

    She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'mgoing to tell you about his birthday.'

    'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seedin my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through anumbrella cord.'

    She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laughand wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

    'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Ericaputs a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, likean hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk andgroaning.)

    'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have asign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed likethis.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

    'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he gotthirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'(This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away.It was too much!)

    'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
    They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, outcomes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was fromMom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he gotout, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.'

    Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

    I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's Show-and-tell day,I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

    Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along tosomeone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!!

    Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!
    "Laugh uncontrollably, it clears the mind."

  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

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