Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Oddcaliber, Jan 27, 2018.
His solar panels are 100% efficient.
His Glass is always FULL!
Chuck Norris comes to him for survival advice.
If the above quoted text is true, he would have to be!
He knits while sitting on the can.
He wears dress blues and they call him a US Marine
As leisurely attire!!! The Marines come to him for orders!
He has an Admiral Deliver his Department of the Navy Check.
He once survived three weeks on a single raisin and a tear.
Chuck Norris took one look at him... and started wearing dresses.
He once climbed Mt. Everest in Bermuda Shorts and A Marine Corps Tee shirt and flip flops, and beat the Sherpa's by three days!
He makes his own O2 when he farts.
He has his own Business Jet, a B-1B and a full bar aboard, between the loaded bomb racks!
He once was bitten by a black Mamba, and after 5 days of agonizing pain, the Mamba died...
His pet Honey Badgers do amazing tricks on command.
He is pimp daddy....and Hillary is his queen bee...... (crap, I was thinking of old Georgie Soros.... strike the motion).
He has a faraday cage for his faraday cage.
His bug out location is the Republic of Texas.
His Get Home Bag doubles as the hurricane relief donation from a small country.
Even his GMO seeds are heirloom.
The United States Army has been known to rent his firing range just so they can access his personal arsenal.
It is rumored that Federal Munitions had to seek his approval to fill the most recent DHS order because it would delay one of his deliveries.
He is, the most prepared man in the world.
"I don't often leave my compound, but when I do, I always take my tactical wheelbarrow and de-barked Chihuahua. Stay prepared my friends!"
His button is bigger and more powerful than both Kim and Donald, and that's why we are not going to nuke each other.
When hunting game fights to the Death just to be shot my him. He sights in a rifle by simply looking down the bore. His freezer is the North Pole.
He is fully prepared because he has repented his sin/rebellion, and made every thing right with God.
Stores Cyanide capsules in his cheek. For other people.
He carries a .99 caliber pistol
Separate names with a comma.