The most prepared man in the world!

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Oddcaliber, Jan 27, 2018.


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  1. DarkLight

    DarkLight Live Long and Prosper - On Hiatus

    His solar panels are 100% efficient.
     
    DarkLight, Jan 27, 2018
    #21
    Bandit99, T. Riley, Altoidfishfins and 2 others like this.
  2. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    His Glass is always FULL!
     
    Ura-Ki, Jan 28, 2018
    #22
    Zimmy, Bandit99 and Yard Dart like this.
  3. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Retired Curmudgeonly IT Monkey Founding Member

    Chuck Norris comes to him for survival advice.
     
    Seawolf1090, Jan 28, 2018
    #23
    sec_monkey, Ura-Ki and Bandit99 like this.
  4. Asia-Off-Grid

    Asia-Off-Grid RIP 11-8-2018

    [shoked] [shoked]
    If the above quoted text is true, he would have to be!
     
    Asia-Off-Grid, Jan 28, 2018
    #24
    Zimmy, Ura-Ki and Bandit99 like this.
  5. arleigh

    arleigh Goophy monkey

    He knits while sitting on the can.
     
    arleigh, Jan 28, 2018
    #25
    Ura-Ki and Bandit99 like this.
  6. Bishop

    Bishop Monkey+++

    He wears dress blues and they call him a US Marine
     
    Bishop, Jan 28, 2018
    #26
    techsar, sec_monkey, HK_User and 3 others like this.
  7. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    As leisurely attire!!! The Marines come to him for orders!
     
    Ura-Ki, Jan 28, 2018
    #27
    sec_monkey and HK_User like this.
  8. HK_User

    HK_User A Productive Monkey is a Happy Monkey

    He has an Admiral Deliver his Department of the Navy Check.
     
    HK_User, Jan 28, 2018
    #28
    sec_monkey and Ura-Ki like this.
  9. T. Riley

    T. Riley Monkey+++

    He once survived three weeks on a single raisin and a tear.
     
    T. Riley, Jan 28, 2018
    #29
    Ura-Ki and HK_User like this.
  10. Tevin

    Tevin Monkey+++

    Chuck Norris took one look at him... and started wearing dresses.
     
    Tevin, Jan 28, 2018
    #30
    Yard Dart and Ura-Ki like this.
  11. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    He once climbed Mt. Everest in Bermuda Shorts and A Marine Corps Tee shirt and flip flops, and beat the Sherpa's by three days!
    He makes his own O2 when he farts.
    He has his own Business Jet, a B-1B and a full bar aboard, between the loaded bomb racks!
     
    Ura-Ki, Jan 28, 2018
    #31
    Yard Dart, sec_monkey and Bishop like this.
  12. Tempstar

    Tempstar Monkey+++

    He once was bitten by a black Mamba, and after 5 days of agonizing pain, the Mamba died...
     
    Tempstar, Jan 28, 2018
    #32
    Seawolf1090, Yard Dart, Ura-Ki and 1 other person like this.
  13. Zimmy

    Zimmy Wait, I'm not ready!

    His pet Honey Badgers do amazing tricks on command.
     
    Zimmy, Jan 28, 2018
    #33
    Ura-Ki likes this.
  14. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    He is pimp daddy....and Hillary is his queen bee...... (crap, I was thinking of old Georgie Soros.... strike the motion). ;)
     
    Yard Dart, Jan 28, 2018
    #34
    oldawg, Zimmy and Ura-Ki like this.
  15. DarkLight

    DarkLight Live Long and Prosper - On Hiatus

    He has a faraday cage for his faraday cage.

    His bug out location is the Republic of Texas.

    His Get Home Bag doubles as the hurricane relief donation from a small country.

    Even his GMO seeds are heirloom.

    The United States Army has been known to rent his firing range just so they can access his personal arsenal.

    It is rumored that Federal Munitions had to seek his approval to fill the most recent DHS order because it would delay one of his deliveries.

    He is, the most prepared man in the world.

    "I don't often leave my compound, but when I do, I always take my tactical wheelbarrow and de-barked Chihuahua. Stay prepared my friends!"
     
    DarkLight, Jan 28, 2018
    #35
    Witch Doctor 01, Zimmy, Oddcaliber and 7 others like this.
  16. VisuTrac

    VisuTrac Ваша мать носит военные ботинки Site Supporter+++

    His button is bigger and more powerful than both Kim and Donald, and that's why we are not going to nuke each other.
     
    VisuTrac, Jan 28, 2018
    #36
    Zimmy, HK_User, Ura-Ki and 1 other person like this.
  17. Oddcaliber

    Oddcaliber Monkey+++

    When hunting game fights to the Death just to be shot my him. He sights in a rifle by simply looking down the bore. His freezer is the North Pole.
     
    Oddcaliber, Jan 29, 2018
    #37
    Zimmy, Bishop and Ura-Ki like this.
  18. arleigh

    arleigh Goophy monkey

    He is fully prepared because he has repented his sin/rebellion, and made every thing right with God.
     
    arleigh, Jan 29, 2018
    #38
    Zimmy, oldman11, Ura-Ki and 2 others like this.
  19. Meat

    Meat Monkey+++

    Stores Cyanide capsules in his cheek. For other people.
     
    Meat, Jan 30, 2018
    #39
    Zimmy, Ura-Ki and Oddcaliber like this.
  20. Tempstar

    Tempstar Monkey+++

    He carries a .99 caliber pistol
     
    Tempstar, Jan 30, 2018
    #40
    Zimmy and Ura-Ki like this.
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