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The most prepared man in the world!

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Oddcaliber, Jan 27, 2018.

  1. DarkLight

    DarkLight Live Long and Prosper - On Hiatus Site Supporter

    His solar panels are 100% efficient.
  2. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grudge Monkey

    His Glass is always FULL!
    Zimmy, Bandit99 and Yard Dart like this.
  3. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Retired Curmudgeonly IT Monkey Founding Member

    Chuck Norris comes to him for survival advice.
    sec_monkey, Ura-Ki and Bandit99 like this.
  4. Asia-Off-Grid

    Asia-Off-Grid RIP 11-8-2018

    [shoked] [shoked]
    If the above quoted text is true, he would have to be!
    Zimmy, Ura-Ki and Bandit99 like this.
  5. arleigh

    arleigh Goophy monkey

    He knits while sitting on the can.
    Ura-Ki and Bandit99 like this.
  6. Bishop

    Bishop Monkey+++

    He wears dress blues and they call him a US Marine
    techsar, sec_monkey, HK_User and 3 others like this.
  7. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grudge Monkey

    As leisurely attire!!! The Marines come to him for orders!
    sec_monkey and HK_User like this.
  8. HK_User

    HK_User A Productive Monkey is a Happy Monkey

    He has an Admiral Deliver his Department of the Navy Check.
    sec_monkey and Ura-Ki like this.
  9. T. Riley

    T. Riley Monkey+++ Site Supporter++

    He once survived three weeks on a single raisin and a tear.
    Ura-Ki and HK_User like this.
  10. Tevin

    Tevin Monkey+++

    Chuck Norris took one look at him... and started wearing dresses.
    Yard Dart and Ura-Ki like this.
  11. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grudge Monkey

    He once climbed Mt. Everest in Bermuda Shorts and A Marine Corps Tee shirt and flip flops, and beat the Sherpa's by three days!
    He makes his own O2 when he farts.
    He has his own Business Jet, a B-1B and a full bar aboard, between the loaded bomb racks!
    Yard Dart, sec_monkey and Bishop like this.
  12. Tempstar

    Tempstar Praeclarum Site Supporter+

    He once was bitten by a black Mamba, and after 5 days of agonizing pain, the Mamba died...
  13. Zimmy

    Zimmy Wait, I'm not ready! Site Supporter++

    His pet Honey Badgers do amazing tricks on command.
    Ura-Ki likes this.
  14. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    He is pimp daddy....and Hillary is his queen bee...... (crap, I was thinking of old Georgie Soros.... strike the motion). ;)
    oldawg, Zimmy and Ura-Ki like this.
  15. DarkLight

    DarkLight Live Long and Prosper - On Hiatus Site Supporter

    He has a faraday cage for his faraday cage.

    His bug out location is the Republic of Texas.

    His Get Home Bag doubles as the hurricane relief donation from a small country.

    Even his GMO seeds are heirloom.

    The United States Army has been known to rent his firing range just so they can access his personal arsenal.

    It is rumored that Federal Munitions had to seek his approval to fill the most recent DHS order because it would delay one of his deliveries.

    He is, the most prepared man in the world.

    "I don't often leave my compound, but when I do, I always take my tactical wheelbarrow and de-barked Chihuahua. Stay prepared my friends!"
  16. VisuTrac

    VisuTrac Ваша мать носит военные ботинки Site Supporter+++

    His button is bigger and more powerful than both Kim and Donald, and that's why we are not going to nuke each other.
    Zimmy, HK_User, Ura-Ki and 1 other person like this.
  17. Oddcaliber

    Oddcaliber Monkey++

    When hunting game fights to the Death just to be shot my him. He sights in a rifle by simply looking down the bore. His freezer is the North Pole.
    Zimmy, Bishop and Ura-Ki like this.
  18. arleigh

    arleigh Goophy monkey

    He is fully prepared because he has repented his sin/rebellion, and made every thing right with God.
    Zimmy, oldman11, Ura-Ki and 2 others like this.
  19. Meat

    Meat Monkey+++

    Stores Cyanide capsules in his cheek. For other people.
    Zimmy, Ura-Ki and Oddcaliber like this.
  20. Tempstar

    Tempstar Praeclarum Site Supporter+

    He carries a .99 caliber pistol
    Zimmy and Ura-Ki like this.
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