The neighbor's shovel

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghrit, Nov 7, 2016.

  1. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.

    On my way, I happened to look out the rear window. I noticed a diaper-headed Muslim with a large curved knife sneaking through my next door neighbor's back yard.

    Suddenly, my neighbor came out of nowhere, and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave, put the body in it, and covered it up.

    Astonished, I went back to bed.

    My wife said, "You're upset! What is it?"

    “You'll never believe what I've just seen.” I said. “That son of a bitch next door still has my shovel."
  2. sarawolf

    sarawolf Monkey+++

    Lololol oh gadsssssssssssssss.
  3. duane

    duane Monkey+++

    Next yard sale I go to I am going to be looking for more shovels, need to make sure everyone I trust has at least two!! Please God, don't let Hitlery read this piece of wisdom or she will outlaw shovels!
  4. Thunder5Ranch

    Thunder5Ranch Monkey+++

    Which reminds me I still have my neighbors pitchfork and shovel :(
    Ura-Ki and 3M-TA3 like this.
  5. arleigh

    arleigh Goophy monkey

    I don't loan tools I can't afford to give away.
    That's what cheap duplicates are for.
    If you loan something that IS going to break.
    a. if they break it and replace it to you you've proven a friend.
    b. if they break it and they do nothing , chances are you'll never see them again. your still ahead.
    Sapper John, 3cyl, Dont and 2 others like this.
  6. BlueDuck

    BlueDuck Monkey+++

    At least he put it to good use.
    Ura-Ki and Thunder5Ranch like this.
  7. Thunder5Ranch

    Thunder5Ranch Monkey+++

    Very true, lent my square baler to a kid just starting out and he broke it pretty good, swallowed a stick and the sheer bolt didn't break soon enough and the chain skipped and threw it out of time and of course broke both sets of aluminum push teeth. She pulled in the drive with the baler, almost in tears, and a box with two new sets of teeth, a new chain, and a bag of shear bolts. Said she couldn't afford the parts and labor to fix but could afford the parts and asked if I could show her how to repair it and get it back in time. 3 hours later the baler was up and running again in perfect time, she learned something, and my faith in humanity was restored a bit. As an added bonus anytime I need help with something she is always the first one here to help out. Now days she gets to borrow my newer baler instead of the 1970s model :)
    Sapper John, arleigh, oldawg and 2 others like this.
  8. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    I have a Rule, You may borrow something ONCE, after that you need to buy it/one your self! You break mine, you fix/replace! The other side, I borrow from you, I return it spick and span, with a thanks and a bottle of something good, or a home made treat! If I need it again, I go and get my own!
    Careful how many Rag Heads you bury on your property, They ruin perfectly good ground when they start to pile up! LOL
  9. arleigh

    arleigh Goophy monkey

    They say lime helps .
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