The Shower

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by RightHand, Sep 27, 2005.


  1. RightHand

    RightHand Pioneer in a New World Moderator Founding Member

    *How to Shower Like a Woman*

    Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

    If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    Look at your womanly figure in the mirror making a mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

    Get in the shower.

    Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

    Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

    Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

    Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

    Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

    Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

    Rinse conditioner off hair.

    Shave armpits and legs.

    Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

    Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

    Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

    If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.




    *How to Shower Like a Man*

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

    Walk naked to the bathroom.

    If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

    Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

    Get in the shower.

    Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

    Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

    Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

    Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

    Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

    Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

    Pee.

    Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off.

    Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

    Admire wiener size in mirror again.

    Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

    Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

    If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

    Throw wet towel on bed.



    If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you
     
    ColtCarbine likes this.
  2. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Oh .....my....God......
    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:



    The other emoticons won't open for me right now....

    But there is enough truth in that to be really , really funny....
     
  3. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member

    I Googled to find this old post because my wife just walked down the hall in full cover on her way to a bath... I gave her the 'woo woo' shake from my office chair.
     
  4. Valkman

    Valkman Knifemaker Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    It's old, but it's Gold!
     
  5. CANDY fISHER

    CANDY fISHER Monkey+

  6. CANDY fISHER

    CANDY fISHER Monkey+

    Ok no idea where that girl came from lol
     
  7. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member

    I don't either but it's quite fitting for the context of the post!
     
  8. Falcon15

    Falcon15 Falco Peregrinus

    Can't breathe...laughing too hard...tears making it difficult to type...
     
  9. mysterymet

    mysterymet Monkey+++

    Yes my husband does the wiener shake thing complete with sound effects. Its more of a bow chicka wow wow than a woo woo though...
     
  10. Falcon15

    Falcon15 Falco Peregrinus

    Brown chicken brown coooooooow
     
  11. Disciple

    Disciple Monkey+

    if I try to the shake i usually fart.
     
  12. Falcon15

    Falcon15 Falco Peregrinus

    [beat] TMI...Way TMI. [fnny] [fart]
     
  13. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    Just goes to show how women make even the simplest of tasks difficult [peep]
     
    Falcon15 likes this.
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