The Truth About Beer

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Legion489, May 22, 2017.

  1. Legion489

    Legion489 Rev. 2:19 Banned

    Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
    Babe Ruth
    "If all you had to look forward to was sleeping with Lady Bird you'd stay drunk too."
    Lyndon B. Johnson

    "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
    Paul Horning
    "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”
    H. L. Mencken
    "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!”
    George Bernard Shaw
    "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
    Benjamin Franklin
    "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
    Dave Barry
    Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!
    W. C. Fields
    Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.
    Professor Irwin Corey
    To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
    Leo Durocher
    One night at Cheers (TV Sitcom), Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson:
    "Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
    oldawg, DKR, Airtime and 10 others like this.
  2. Oltymer

    Oltymer Monkey++

    Truer words were never spoken...
    Dunerunner and Ura-Ki like this.
  3. SB21

    SB21 Monkey+++

    Yaaaa,,,Beer !!!!
    Dunerunner, Ura-Ki and GrayGhost like this.
  4. GrayGhost

    GrayGhost Monkey++

    Fizzy yellow beer is for wussies

  5. Dont

    Dont Just another old gray Jarhead Monkey Site Supporter+++

    I fully concur my friend..

  6. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grudge Monkey

    What he said, give me the darkest stout you can find, I wanna light off a nuke and not see the flash through the pint!
    Dunerunner, T. Riley, Airtime and 4 others like this.
  7. Bandit99

    Bandit99 Monkey+++ Site Supporter+

    What I wish we could get here is the stuff I use to drink by the gallons in England: bitter. It doesn't have all the carbonation and is actually pumped out of the keg by hand. It is darker in color than a lager but lighter color than a stout and had a slight bitter taste to it. I use to drink Tetley Bitter...but there were lots of good bitter there. German weizen beer was good also (my favorite was the Hefe, crystal too strong and Dunkel too tasty so reserved only for weekend inebriations) but one can get lots of good wheat beer here in the states but, alas, no bitter... I wonder if its a law that beer has to be carbonated here in the states to ensure any bugs are dead? Yeah... I could murder of pint of bitter.
    Dunerunner, Ura-Ki and GrayGhost like this.
  8. Cruisin Sloth

    Cruisin Sloth Special & Slow

    Guinness Ale in a glass is a Meal !
  9. GrayGhost

    GrayGhost Monkey++

    Yeah, I hear ya about the carbonation...but you need to try a Ruination IPA by Stone Brewing. It will satisfy the bitter desire you seek.

    A Samuel Smith Oatmeal Stout ain't half bad, either.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2017
    Dunerunner and Ura-Ki like this.
  10. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grudge Monkey

    Ha, beat me to it!!! I actually like the Cream Stout they make, but can never find it any where! I swear , it;s a conspiracy, Get Ura-Ki hooked on it, then pull it off the shelves, never to be seen again! :),

    One I found up in Portland at the Horse Brass Pub, is Grants Russian Imperial Stout! Man, one pint of that will put hair on yer knuckles! Best with some real bangers and HP sauce and sweet dejion mustard, and a real Plowmans dinner plate! And if you ever get a chance to visit them, you HAVE to have Bread Pudding and Cream with a sniffer of Remy Martian!!!
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2017
    Dunerunner, Airtime, T. Riley and 3 others like this.
  11. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    If I can see through the glass.....I most likely will not like it. Give me a nice stout or porter any day!! [beer]
  12. Bandit99

    Bandit99 Monkey+++ Site Supporter+

    @GrayGhost @Ura-Ki Roger lads! It is #1 on the shopping list and Logistics has been instructed to procure asap, current cost parameters do not apply. 'Ruination'...hell, I even like the name!

    EDIT: Oh! I did have a really decent stout recently, 'Irish Death.' The stuff was fantastic! I normally am not a stout guy but that stuff was nectar of the Gods.

    Damn! My mouth is watering...we would hit the 'Chippy's' after a night on the ale and finish off with chips and fish and mushy peas...never could eat those peas though, disgusting things! Must be some Brit genetic thing in order to stomach them...
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2017
  13. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grudge Monkey

    Yea, Man! Once you have tried some of the "Other" Stouts, A Guinness just isn't gonna work!
    I cant remember the name right now, but I found a really seriously awesome Dopple Bock from the Netherlands, Talk about smooth........Boy howdy, did it have a kick to it, darn near knocked me off my stool after the second pint!
  14. GrayGhost

    GrayGhost Monkey++

    You need to try their Smoked Porter or Russian Imperial Stout...impressive, indeed! And the RIS poured over some good vanilla bean icecream...Holy sh!t! And I don't even eat sweets!
  15. Dunerunner

    Dunerunner Brewery Monkey Moderator

    I think...Therefore, I think I'll have another beer!! [beer]
    Bandit99, T. Riley and Ura-Ki like this.
  16. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grudge Monkey

    Hey Dunerunner, We need more reviews of our favorite Brews, All ways well written, and Damn, man, always makes me want one after I read those! LOL No wonder I'm 45 pounds over weight!
    Dunerunner likes this.
  17. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    Irish Death is fantastic and is made by Iron Horse Brewery in Ellensburg, WA. The brewery has a tasting room to visit.....if you creep over this direction @Bandit99 ;)
    Dunerunner likes this.
  18. arleigh

    arleigh Goophy monkey

    I know I'll get flack for this but,
    I can't stand the smell of beer ,since i was a kid and dad wasn't a beer drinker either .
    The first time I smelled beer was an uncle that we would visit once in a while.
    It wasn't any thing about him but the smell of beer just turned me off.
    Sense then I've had friends that drank beer ,and I had lots of opportunity to try it with them (as a teen ) but the smell just put me off.
    I have tried other drinks, but very few hold any interest, except to have a few odd things in my stores for barter.
    I understand that beer does not store well , and since I have an aversion to the aroma, I see no need to store it.
    oldawg likes this.
  19. Dunerunner

    Dunerunner Brewery Monkey Moderator

    Not drinking much these days, therefore not buying much either... :cry:
    Ura-Ki likes this.
  20. Leoly

    Leoly On Hiatus Banned

    This is an interesting article. Thank you
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