Things You Wont Hear In a Bar.

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Salted Weapon, Jul 6, 2016.

  1. Salted Weapon

    Salted Weapon Monkey+++

    Things You Wont Hear In a Bar.
    By Salted Weapon .

    ( feel free to add to it )

    1. Could I have less alcohol mixed in my drink please?
    2. Could I have a smaller glass?
    3. Id would like more foam in my beer please.
    4. Thats enough peanuts thanks!
    5. I love sticky floors.
    6. I wish bars closed earlier.
    7. See that attractive woman at the end of the bar? Think she will give me change for a 20.00

    More Salted W. Original Thoughts :
    • Why don't bar stools have seat belts ? I mean wouldn't we have less accidents no one has ever fallen on a bar stool just off, seat belt save lives.
    • My house we do not have designated drivers. We have designated drunks everyone should pitch in.
    • I was walking by a bar at 10am and it said "sorry we are closed", I was like thinking good thing who would be drinking and be employed at 10am, and how could I be him.
    • Why are bars always located in placed that are easiest for you to be mugged while impaired. Are they wanting to make it less stressful on the criminal ?
    Ok thats all the material I can make up for now, please feel free to add to it.
    Tully Mars and Bandit99 like this.
  2. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    Why don't women wear badges in a bar..... married, single, angry divorced man hater.... you know.... badges... here's your sign. ;)
  3. techsar

    techsar Monkey+++

    ...because at some point, they will be one of the three (or gay)...why confuse matters?
    Tully Mars, Ganado, Yard Dart and 2 others like this.
  4. Airtime

    Airtime Monkey+++

    Ummm.... "The gals get worse looking 'round closing time?"
    Salted Weapon likes this.
  5. Cruisin Sloth

    Cruisin Sloth Special & Slow

    I haven't been in a bar for years , & years
    So scary these days
  6. duane

    duane Monkey+++

    Have not been able to go to a bar in years, costs too much money, the hangovers drive me nuts, and listening to the wife say I told you so and knowing she is right really sucks. I also get the feeling at 78 that I am the odd duck in the chicken house, it sounds like they are speaking English, but I don't know what they are talking about.
    Tully Mars and oldawg like this.
  7. svjoe

    svjoe Angry Monkey

    This guy doesn't go to bars..........I prefer to drink on my front porch; less chance of a DUI there!!(y)(y)
  8. hitchcock4

    hitchcock4 Monkey++

    Well, to quote The Treasure of the Sierra Madre,
    "Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!"
    See also, several men who say it better than I do.
    Includes "Blazing saddles" and The Monkees as well....​
  9. arleigh

    arleigh Goophy monkey

    It wouldn't work they'd be changing the badge through out the night ,you never know what they are , for that matter they don't know what they are.
    Tully Mars and Yard Dart like this.
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