This is punny!

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by melbo, Feb 9, 2010.

  1. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member

    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  2. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    Don't encourage him folks, they can only go down punhill -----
  3. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
    It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
    Tracy is contagious.
  4. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    I hope so! :D

    My husband and I started to date after he backed his car into mine. We met by accident.

    A used car salesman started a chain and thus founded the Auto-man Empire.

    I took the strange skeleton to be that of a feral onager, but it was only a wild ass guess.

    If jokes could be owned like land, then no good pun would go undeeded.
  5. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member

    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication
  6. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Put Mexican booze in a birdbath if you want Tequilla mockingbird. :)
  7. dragonfly

    dragonfly Monkey+++

    Oh boy...!
    I am NOT going to even go there!
  8. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I just started Stephen Hawking's book about anti gravity. I just can't put it down. :)
  9. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    I've think that tofu is over-rated, it's just a curd to me.
  10. NVBeav

    NVBeav Monkey+++

    A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.
  11. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    Last night I ate Middle Eastern food, and this morning I falafel.
  12. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    And a bump, some new, some notsa -

    <style><!-- .hmmessage P { margin:0px; padding:0px } body.hmmessage { font-size: 10pt; font-family:Verdana } --></style>
    1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir
    Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
    out to be an optical Aleutian .

    3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
    was a weapon of math disruption.

    5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

    6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum

    9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
    looking into it.

    12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said
    to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

    14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

    16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When
    his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change

    17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

    19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
    medium at large.

    20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    21. A backward poet writes inverse.

    22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
    count that votes.

    23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
  13. fireplaceguy

    fireplaceguy Monkey+

    My Resume
    by Sally Yocum

    An orange juice plant where first I worked
    Was where I first got canned.
    They said I could concentrate
    and called me very bland.

    My next job was a lumberjack.
    I found I couldn't hack it.
    So soon the boss gave me the axe
    And told me I could pack it.

    A tailor then I tried to be,
    But wasn't suited for it.
    I saw it was a sew-sew job.
    It seams I did abhor it.

    A muffler factory was next.
    I felt it was costing
    A lack of sleep that made me weep.
    The job was too exhausting.

    I tried to be a deli chef,
    A job that got me flustered,
    For any way I sliced it there,
    I couldn't cut the mustard.

    Pool maintenance was next for me.
    I thought it entertaining.
    But soon I had to quit because
    The work was just too draining.

    I tried a big shoe factory,
    But there I couldn't win.
    Although I put my sole in it,
    I just did not fit in.

    I tried to be a teacher, but
    As things would come to pass,
    I didn't get the job because
    I hadn't any class.

    So now I am a poet, and
    I guess it is my curse.
    Of all the jobs that I have tried,
    I've gone from bad to verse.
  14. fireplaceguy

    fireplaceguy Monkey+

    Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    A termite walks into a pub and asks "Is the bar tender here?"

    Being in politics is like playing golf - you're trapped in one bad lie after another.

    A good pun is it's own reword.
  15. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    [cof]Her coffee tasted like mud. She claimed it was fresh ground.

    I dropped a tub of margarine in the kitchen and ended up with a Parkay floor.

    The mechanic at the transmission shop seemed a little shifty.

    The fence builders were upset with their poor working conditions, so they started to picket.

    Molecules boiling points vary to some degree.

    The Alpine Skiing competition started poorly and went downhill from there.

    Don't justify sin, just defy sin [angel]
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