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To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by RightHand, Oct 9, 2008.

  1. RightHand

    RightHand Pioneer in a New World Moderator Founding Member

    To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

    Dear Dogs and Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize your space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat. I cannot stress this enough.

    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

    To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

    1 They live here. You don't.

    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
    (That's why they call it 'fur'niture. )

    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

    Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

    1. Eat less

    2. Don't ask for money all the time

    3. Are easier to train

    4. Normally come when called

    5. Never ask to drive the car

    6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

    7. Don't smoke or drink

    8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions

    9. Don't want to wear your clothes

    10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college

    And finally,

    11. If they get pregnant by mistake, you can sell their children.
  2. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Note to self: Get Kleenex before reading RH postings in humor -- :lol:
  3. kckndrgn

    kckndrgn Moderator Moderator Founding Member


    true, so true, every word of it!!!
  4. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

    :) got a "bathroom door" cat; with aweekend position on the "staircase racing team.( "Dang it cat! you're gonna get stepped on!!")...:)
  5. kckndrgn

    kckndrgn Moderator Moderator Founding Member

    our cat (kitten really) likes to race between your feet like a slalom course, as you are walking. More often than not, she fails and end up getting kicked down the hallway. You'd think she would learn after about the fourth time, but noooo, she just keeps tryin'.
  6. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

  7. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Laughing because it's all sooooooo true! :lol:

    I am allowed to have about 6 inches of my pillow at night....The cat takes up the rest of it....and then only the bottom Right corner...

    I am also allowed one corner of my sofa, and only on the side next to the Dining room....NOT near the window where one can see outside....

    Apparently the new rule is we have to use the bathroom at the same time too....if he has to go? I'm nudged that way so he can use his litter box...(it's in the back hall, right outside the bathroom...) He herds me in to my "litter box" at the same time....

    All canned cat food now has to sit on the floor so he can rub up against the cans when he's hungry....I got tired of picking them up off the floor from him knocking them off the top shelf of the stand the microwave sits on.....

    I think I'm gonna get him a dog.... :D
  8. Conagher

    Conagher Dark Custom Rider Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

  9. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    :lol: good one
  10. Northwoods

    Northwoods Monkey+++

    some of you know we got a new dog..
    she is a mastiff and her name is baby..
    now our house is a little funny the whole upstairs is the living room.
    and open down stairs to the kitchen....right above the counter.... the fridge on the left...the stove on the right....dishes on the shelf right in front of you....did i mention she's a mastiff...
    the uber drool went down daughters back last night..
    sticks like napalm...[ROFL][ROFL][ROFL][ROFL][ROFL]
  11. kckndrgn

    kckndrgn Moderator Moderator Founding Member

    NW - eeewwww, kinda reminds me of this:

    A guy is on break from school so he goes to visit his grandpa. While there he notices the dishes are not all that clean and says something to his grandpa. He says "Well, that's as clean as cold water can get 'em". The next day dishes are still kinda dirty and so he says again "Grandpa, your dishes are still dirty"
    Grandpa replies "Well, that's as clean as cold water can get 'em".

    The next day, the guy is leaving and says his goodbyes to his grandfather. As he goes to the door, the grandfathers dog is laying in front of it and won't move. The grandfather yells, "come here Coldwater." :shock:
  12. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

  13. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

  14. WestPointMAG

    WestPointMAG Monkey++

    An old gear heading bud of mine had a St. Bernard 7 months old 117# his favorite game was to bring us a cast-iron skillet and set wile we banged him on the head with it, hard. Never understood why it was fun for him.
  15. Allen

    Allen Monkey+

    We have three cats, Lance, LEO, & emergency backup cat.
    One is an ambusher, hide under the sofa until you walk by. Kicked him onto the mantal last week.
    I like to let the catfood supply get real low, makes them nervous.
    I give the squirrels in the backyard peanuts, they then throw the shells at the cats, got good aim to.
  16. Sheila-Marie

    Sheila-Marie Monkey+

    I am glad to see I am not alone. My Siamese gets under my foot as I am walking or she gets behind me when I am at the counter in the kitchen. I have to step back yet I am unaware of her location, she gets stepped on and then yells at me - and looks at me so reproachfully!
  17. MinTX

    MinTX lostinaustin

    I have 6 cats and 3 dogs... SOMEONE is ALWAYS underfoot!
    I don't dare let the cat food get low... you have 6 felines all lined up and glaring... that makes ME nervous!
  18. Allen

    Allen Monkey+

    I have noticed that whenever someone in the house says " Oh my God" the orange cat shows up. Maybe we should be nicer to him, just in case.
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