TO: GOD FROM: THE DOG

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Quigley_Sharps, Nov 27, 2005.


  1. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
    another?

    Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still
    the same old story?

    Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
    mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a
    dog?
    How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would
    it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the" Chrysler Beagle"?

    Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him,
    is he still a bad dog?

    Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
    whistles, horns, clickers, beeper s, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy
    fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

    Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

    Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
    apologize?

    Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember
    to be a good dog.

    1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it
    up.

    2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like
    the way they smell.

    3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they
    are tasty.

    4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

    5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

    6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

    7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

    8. I will not bite the officer' s hand when he reaches in for Mom's
    driver's license and registration.

    9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

    10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying
    "hello".

    11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee
    table.

    12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -
    not after.

    13. I will not throw up in the car.

    14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

    15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when
    we have company.

    16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
    that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

    And, finally, My last two questions . . .

    Dear God: Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16?

    P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
     
  2. RightHand

    RightHand Maslow's Contradiction Moderator Founding Member

    Great one Quig
     
  3. Conagher

    Conagher Dark Custom Rider Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Great one Quig for all us dog owners :D
     
  4. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Sent it to all my friends with dogs......thanks!

    Now I want a dog more than ever.....I think I am going to call the rescue people today at lunch....STARZ...... :D
     
  5. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    Pick a good one!
     
  6. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    Picked y'all didn't I? ;)
     
  7. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    :shock:
     
  8. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    What???


    What'd I say now???



    That was a compliment..... :unsure:
     
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