TO: GOD FROM: THE DOG

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Quigley_Sharps, Nov 27, 2005.


  1. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
    another?

    Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still
    the same old story?

    Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
    mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a
    dog?
    How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would
    it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the" Chrysler Beagle"?

    Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him,
    is he still a bad dog?

    Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
    whistles, horns, clickers, beeper s, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy
    fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

    Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

    Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
    apologize?

    Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember
    to be a good dog.

    1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it
    up.

    2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like
    the way they smell.

    3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they
    are tasty.

    4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

    5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

    6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

    7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

    8. I will not bite the officer' s hand when he reaches in for Mom's
    driver's license and registration.

    9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

    10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying
    "hello".

    11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee
    table.

    12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -
    not after.

    13. I will not throw up in the car.

    14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

    15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when
    we have company.

    16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
    that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

    And, finally, My last two questions . . .

    Dear God: Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16?

    P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
     
  2. RightHand

    RightHand Pioneer in a New World Moderator Founding Member

    Great one Quig
     
  3. Conagher

    Conagher Dark Custom Rider Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Great one Quig for all us dog owners :D
     
  4. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Sent it to all my friends with dogs......thanks!

    Now I want a dog more than ever.....I think I am going to call the rescue people today at lunch....STARZ...... :D
     
  5. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    Pick a good one!
     
  6. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    Picked y'all didn't I? ;)
     
  7. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    :shock:
     
  8. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    What???


    What'd I say now???



    That was a compliment..... :unsure:
     
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