To good to pass up

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Quigley_Sharps, Nov 29, 2005.


  1. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the
    glue on envelopes cause I now have to get a wet towel with every
    envelope that needs sealing.

    Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
    reason.

    I want to thank you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your
    chain letters over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe,
    secure, blessed, and wealthy.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
    toilet stains.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
    products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

    I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

    And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
    microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for
    life.

    I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
    pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
    water buffalo on a hot day.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
    perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
    Qaeda in disguise.

    I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
    American troops or the Salvation Army.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
    for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
    Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

    I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
    freaks with no eyes or feathers.

    I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
    free replacement pair from Nike.

    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now h ave
    their recipe.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
    for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car
    so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
    forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
    minutes.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
    sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital (for the
    1,387,258th time).

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
    the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
    their special e-mail program.

    Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now
    return the favor!

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
    African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
    it bites my butt.

    Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can
    live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything..

    And thanks for always correcting me with "gotchas" from "Snopes" who
    knows it all. Thanks to you, I am totally in the know.

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in
    the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
    waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

    If you don't share this with 70 people in the next 70
    minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
    this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
    causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
    actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's
    second husband's cousin's beautician...

    Have a wonderful day....IF YOU CAN !
    __________________________
     
  2. magnus392

    magnus392 Field Marshall Mags Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

  3. Bear

    Bear Monkey+++ Site Supporter+++ Founding Member Iron Monkey

    [nothome]
     
  4. ghrit

    ghrit Old, mean, and nasty Administrator Founding Member

    Now, if only the silly buggers could grasp that I'm on dialup, and half an hour is TOO FRIGGIN' long for me to wait out the downloads of tons of pretty pictures of the Grand Canyon and 25 pix of their last irelevant adventure in New Zealand. ;)
     
  5. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    :lol:
    I almost forgot what dial up was like now ;)
     
  6. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Wish I could, it sucks!
     
  7. Brokor

    Brokor Live Free or Cry Moderator Site Supporter+++ Founding Member

    [rofllmao]
     
  8. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    come visit me Quig, I'll show you. And it's not because I want dail up, I can't get high speed because SBC, and I quote: "You are wired, however, we have not received a strong enough response to put a server in your area" However, be late with one payment and see how quickly they respond!!!
     
  9. E.L.

    E.L. Moderator of Lead Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Sniper, it might be a good time to buzz their tower..................
     
  10. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    [ditto]
     
  11. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Well, I call them up on a regular basis and tell them I want the new plan for high speed internet and let them go through the entire process, about 20 minutes until they determine that I can't get it. They never check first, they always go through the paperwork process before they decide I can't get it. Then I say OK, that was the answer you gave last week, and then hang up. I do this routine every week! Damn them, I'll guilt them into it some day.
     
  12. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member

    S, Cable is coming down my road in the next few months. I think I can convince them to add a couple spans of it to connect me. I may be able to send you my Direcway Dish and Modem when you get back. Not Cable but much better than dial up. I'm able to run this site off of it.
     
  13. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    Cool gesture [bow]
     
  14. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Thanks, that is a nice gesture. What does it cost to run? I can get sattelite now, but will cost me $80 a month. Don't take this wrong, but about the only reason I get online now is to check in with you guys, right now, not really worth the cost. Maybe one of those things, if I had it, I would do more online. Thanks though, good to have friends!
     
  15. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member

    $59 a month if you own the equipment, which you would.
    That was a few yrs ago, not sure if the price has gone down... I'll check. I pay $89 for a business plan.

    If and When cable comes to my house: I will give this stuff away. The higher per month cost they give you is on leased Dish and modem. I think it was only $400 to buy it outright. then a lower monthly.
     
  16. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member

    When I got Direcway, I had a seperate phone line for internet ($30 a month) and my ISP charged me $20 a month. After the equipment, it was only $9 more a month for the residential service I first signed up with. and 200X faster.
     
  17. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    So, $59 a month to talk to you yayhoo's, that might be worth it! [beer]
     
  18. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    [​IMG]
     
  19. Brokor

    Brokor Live Free or Cry Moderator Site Supporter+++ Founding Member

    Sprint SUCKS. :cry: I get decent rates, but after all the taxes and "fees"...I end up paying TWICE the amount they advertise per month.

    I have a cell phone with Sprint also, my home phone line, and the DSL...together they run me about $150.00 per month. :eek:
     
  20. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    You can say that again! They are the only ones we can get phone service from here (land lines and none of the cell is reliable as we live in a dead zone) and if we call the post office our mail comes out of (5 miles away or a little less) its long distance and I dont think there is any place more than 7 or 8 miles away (unless its an 800 number) that isnt a toll call.
     
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