To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Yard Dart, Mar 28, 2017.


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  1. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

    To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
    I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket tha...t you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
    First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

    I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

    After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
    I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

    I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ..... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
    Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
    The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
    ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

    Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi
     
    Hanzo, Grandpa Patch, 3cyl and 16 others like this.
  2. enloopious

    enloopious Rocket Surgeon

    Hey... you found my post!
     
    Hanzo and Brokor like this.
  3. Tully Mars

    Tully Mars Metal weldin' monkey

    One can only hope this is legit!
     
  4. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    That was my thought as well..... though I posted it here since I could not find a verifiable link.
     
  5. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

  6. Tully Mars

    Tully Mars Metal weldin' monkey

    Ah well, it was still a fun read;)
     
  7. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    Well....there it is. :rolleyes:
     
    Hanzo, Ganado and Dunerunner like this.
  8. Dunerunner

    Dunerunner Brewery Monkey Moderator

    I don't trust snopes any more than I trust that under the AHA I could keep my doctor and health plan! :censored:

    If not true, it should be.... :whistle:
     
  9. john316

    john316 Monkey++

    snopes is fake news
     
  10. john316

    john316 Monkey++

    so it must be true
     
    Cruisin Sloth likes this.
  11. Sgt Nambu

    Sgt Nambu RIP 4/19/2018

    Wow, I wish I was that clever! I could have never thought up all of those wicked things to do to a mugger!
    Best I can do was a guy tried to mug me in a closed gas station and I just stepped around him and closed/locked my truck door. Then, he yelled at me and kicked my truck!
    I just slipped my .45 under the seat and stepped back out! "Hello, slime ball!" Then, I just ran him down and kicked his azz most thoroughly.
    I once read, in Survival Guide, not to fight with street people, as they are tough and inured to pain and physical hardship. I generally agree with that sentiment, but he shouldn't have kicked my door! Well, this idiot was 5' 8-10" and weighed maybe a buck 30. I was well over 6', 230 and I worked with steel every day. Well able to produce plenty of pain to take care of his silly, inured, azz. Only difficulty was making sure not to get bodily fluids on my self! Steel toes aren't afraid of aids, nohow! :D
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2017
    Hanzo, Grandpa Patch, 3cyl and 2 others like this.
  12. Mountainman

    Mountainman Großes Mitglied Site Supporter+++

    Yep, 2 Commiefornia Libtards, sure I believe their bullshit. As far as the story goes it is real bullshit since I read the same thing years ago. Still does not make what the 2 CA Libtards say right.
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2018
    Hanzo likes this.
  13. Grandpa Patch

    Grandpa Patch Monkey+

    Nice piece of work. It doesn't matter if it is fact or fiction, it is damn sure funny.
     
    Hanzo and Yard Dart like this.
  1. Yard Dart
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