Toilet paper in the bush

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Bishop, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. Bishop

    Bishop Monkey+++

    Just got back from Tennessee and was wondering what Davy Crockett would use so I googled it.

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  2. Dunerunner

    Dunerunner Brewery Monkey Moderator

    [LMAO][LMAO][LMAO] What, no wabbits!
  3. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grudge Monkey

    All the buttwipe ya need! LOL

    No Joke, this is how you "GO" out in the wilds!
  4. Airtime

    Airtime Monkey+++

    Not this?

  5. Merkun

    Merkun furious dreamer

    Not in the swamp, you don't, de muck gots no rocks.
    Gator 45/70, oldman11 and Ura-Ki like this.
  6. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grudge Monkey

    Plenty of soft wood sticks, Spanish moss, and other plant life of the non poisonous types!
    Gator 45/70 and oldman11 like this.
  7. Dunerunner

    Dunerunner Brewery Monkey Moderator

    Plenty of moss on the wet side of the PNW..
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  8. BTPost

    BTPost Stumpy Old Fart Snow Monkey Moderator

    When I was living in the North Cascades, I just carried a “ButtWipe” Rag for such issues, and then just washed it out in the nearest stream, afterwords... Simple, reuseable, small & Handy....
  9. Oltymer

    Oltymer Monkey++

    Tennessee butt wipe starts with some smooth stream rocks and ends up with mullein leaves in warm weather or a medium fine tinder bundle in the winter. A little water helps too, but be sure and not pollute any water with your doings and bury your poop and clean up materials for sanitation and OPSEC.
  10. Grandpa Patch

    Grandpa Patch Monkey+

    Didn't you guys learn anything in the military? Remember those little squares of TP that you got and wondered how the hell? For those of you who forgot, I will repeat the lesson.

    I will skip the location, digging and other issues and get to the 'main issue'. BEFORE you drop trousers: Take one square of TP and fold it in half, rotate the paper 90 degrees and fold in half again. If done properly, one corner of your folded TP will not have loose edges. It is the center cross section where both folds met and the center of the square of TP. Tear the little corner off and put it in your pocket. Now this next part can be done before or after you drop trousers, but must be done before the 'paper work' part of the process. Unfold the TP and you will see a hole in the middle (the corner you tore off). Stick your finger through the hole and pull the TP down until it touches your knuckles. Now when the 'paper work' part of the process needs to be done, use the finger that you have the TP around. Then pull the TP up off your finger, while twisting the paper slightly. It helps to better clean your finger. Pull your trousers back up. Now, remember the little corner you tore off and put in your pocket? Use it to clean under your fingernail. Throw it in the hole and finish covering the hole you dug back up. Just that simple...One square is all you need! (y) (y)

    Oh and remember which hand and finger you used as it might come back to haunt you when you go to the chow line!
  11. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    As usefull as a digital Sears catalogue I would suppose. ;) I haven't seen a paper telephone directory in ages, and even daily newspapers seem to be getting thinner and thinner. :( I seem to find plenty of religious tracts in street that may be a handy source of bum fodder(y)(y)(y) but street libraries aren't usually to be found in the bush. :rolleyes:

    Edit: Jack Chick tracts are probably on the small side...and one needs to remove the staples for comfort and safety. ;)
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2019
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  12. Brokor

    Brokor Live Free or Cry Moderator Site Supporter+++ Founding Member

    If you squat properly and have a water bottle you can squeeze, you shouldn't have any problems at all.
    That's one good lesson from the Arabs, anyway.
    Grandpa Patch, Ganado, 3M-TA3 and 2 others like this.
  13. 3M-TA3

    3M-TA3 Cold Wet Monkey Site Supporter++

    I simply dog scoot along the forest floor until the skid mark disappears.For opsec make sure the skid mark does not point in the same direction you are traveling.

    ~~~~~~~~ Observations Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~

    On a more serious note I tromped around for a while in the Nepali Himalayas when I was a young man. In those days there were few roads outside the main population centers and so goods were mostly carried in baskets supported by a tumpline, so whatever was hauled to the villages was something important enough to be carried. Toilet paper was obviously pretty rare once you got a couple day's hike from Kathmandu.

    Every village was along a river, and I learned pretty quickly why you topped off your water bottle upstream, because the lavatory was always downstream. For the most part water and the left hand got the job done for the locals. BTW that is why in India, Nepal, and other places you pass people on the right side and NEVER touch the with you left (unclean) hand. Either of those activities considered as insults. Being neitherhanded I made the mistake - just once - of paying a merchant with y left hand. I can still see the hurt look on his face today.

    Bottom line, so to speak, is water plus your hand will get the job done. Crapping in a river is kind of cold and not my style, and I did manage to find some pretty decent leaves that worked as well.

    ~~~~~~~~ Observations Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~

    I made the observation in my youth that Man was the only animal that needed toilet paper. "Why is this?", I thought. I knew that what goes in must also come out. I didn't do much with the observation until a couple of years ago when I started to address my health through diet. I started by throwing away all the dogma being pushed by the so called "nutritionists" because I'd followed their advice religiously for years and had gotten fatter and more lethargic.

    Having thrown their nonsense away I came up with a few simple rules:
    1. If I eat it and it gives me energy it's good. The main purpose of eating is to fuel the body. Eat more of this and less of other things.

    2. If I eat is and don't feel an increase in energy it's a waste of money. Would you put gas in your vehicle if it didn't let you drive further than what was already in the tank?

    3. If I eat it and it makes me sleepy it never goes in my mouth again (except for certain social reasons). If it makes you sleepy it is being stored as fat as your body processes it.

    4. The cleaner your defecation the better your diet. Man was not created with a roll of toilet paper in hand. Toilet paper is a tool created by Man to overcome poor dietary practices.
    Rule 4 is why this discussion is taking place in this thread. I found that as I fine tuned my diet, my need for toilet paper has mostly diminished to a check to make sure I'm clean as opposed to a cleaning agent. Unless I get sick (which no longer happens nearly as often) or I eat the wrong things my TP usage is very minimal, just a spot check, so to speak.
    In case you are interested my personal "magic" combination is FAT PROTEIN fiber carbohydrates. Your relative combination may be different depending on your body, but if you are an endomorph like me that would be a good starting point. Just follow the rules above and you will be surprised at the transformation that will take place.

    So, back on topic, what can you add to your diet and what can you remove to clan up your toileting and minimize cleaning? Here's the bottom line:
    • Add fiber. When you eat fiber you are literally eating the toilet paper that will clean you from the inside. If the foods that otherwise make you feel better and more energetic don't have enough fiber, then add it in the form of psyllium husks. Psyllium is far more compact and far lighter than the toilet paper it displaces. You will still need something to clean yourself, but will need a lot less of it.

    • Get rid of carbohydrates, especially anything used to ake breads and pastas. Remember paste when you were in grade school? They didn't make that sticky stuff from fat, protein or fiber - they made it from flour. Sticky foods ALL come from refined grains. All of them. These are the foods that will use up a half roll of TP at a time. If you want to cut down on TP (or rock, leaf, and other vegetative use) in the field eliminate these froyour diet at least a week before you venture out.
  14. Brokor

    Brokor Live Free or Cry Moderator Site Supporter+++ Founding Member

    Seriously, if anybody needs more help than this to clean their bung hole, they've got bigger issues.
  15. deMolay

    deMolay Monkey+

    Ha ha ha. Reminds me of my sons, when they were teenagers and would come home from a bush party wearing 1 sock? But yah ziplock bag and a rag.
  16. Andy the Aussie

    Andy the Aussie Monkey+++ Founding Member

  17. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    Well, that IS the correct paw.
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  18. Andy the Aussie

    Andy the Aussie Monkey+++ Founding Member

    Yep left for wiping !!! Right for eating !! :eek::ROFLMAO:
    3M-TA3 and oldman11 like this.
  19. Cruisin Sloth

    Cruisin Sloth Special & Slow

    Know the fig leaves of the area !
    winter time it's a hard find ,
    oldman11 likes this.
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