Top 40 Things You Would Never Hear A Southerner Say. Not Ever....No matter how much they've had to drink... No matter how far from the South they've wandered.... Not ever....No way! 40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only 16. 39. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex. 38. Duct tape won't fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. 35. We don't keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 33. You can't feed that to the dog. 32. I thought Graceland was tacky. 31. No kids in the back of the pickup. It's just not safe. 30. Wrasslin's fake! 29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 28. We're vegetarians. 27. Do you think my gut is too big? 26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy. 25. Honey, we don't need another dog. 24. Who's Richard Petty? 23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds. 22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. 21. Spittin' is such a nasty habit. 20. I just couldn't find a thing at WalMart today. 19. Trim the fat off that steak. 18. Cappuccino tastes better than expresso. 17. The tires on that truck are just too big. 16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad. 15. I've got it all on the C drive. 14. Unsweetened tea tastes better. 13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled? 12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffanys. 11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. 10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. 9. Checkmate 8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. 7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts? 6. Hey, here's an episode of Hee Haw we haven't seen. 5. I don't have a favorite college football team. 4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side. 3. I believe you cooked these green beans too long. 2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla. 1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight. and yes, I am a born and bred Southerner, before y'all start pickin' on me..