Comes with a default "One of us! One of us! One of us!" ringtone. The middle row of the new keypad arrangement spells out "B I L G A T E S U X." Won't work if it detects you wearing eyeglasses and a suit. Dial #666 to change all the digital "paintings" in Bill Gates' mansion to anime porn. The right key sequence turns it into a Jedi lightsabre. (now I have to get one.....) Purchasing the iJack add-on feature means you need not actually be in the same vicinity as your significant other ever again. Just drop it in a glass of Jolt Cola to recharge it. Includes video of a steel-cage match between the nerdy-cool "I'm a Mac" guy and the nerdy-cool "Can you hear me now" Verizon guy. Comes with its own "Official Apple Beta-Tester Club" card and badge. The new touchscreen, combined with AT&T's wireless service, allows you to reach out and fondle someone. Rounded edges and mirror smooth surface makes it easier to shove up the ass of a smug owner. iVelcro features allows easy attaching to your Segway or Vespa. It conveniently combines all your indispensible functions -- phone, camera, music player and PDA -- into a single overpriced, easily lost device. It's name is an anagram of "hip one" -- how friggin' cool is THAT?!? and the Number 1 Surprise Features of the iPhone... Cranial-GPS feature comes in handy when you realize you've lost your freakin' mind and paid over $600 for a freakin' PHONE !!!!