Turn about is fair play...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Witch Doctor 01, Jan 18, 2011.


  1. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    A husband and wife are travelling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost 24 hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for 4 hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that, although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them", the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows" complains the man again. "Well, we have them and you could have" the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well," the man replies,! "she was here, and you could have."
     
  2. Equilibrium

    Equilibrium Monkey++

    I don't get too many of these but here's one and.... I've gotten into other people's cars before.... gasp-
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica]It could happen to any of us...

    $5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

    I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.

    I stood there stupified. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

    I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

    I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

    Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

    "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.

    "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

    I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

    That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

    Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

    Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

    Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

    I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

    All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy
    Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

    Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

    I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

    She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

    All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

    As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

    The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

    Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.

    Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

    P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with coffee!!!!!
    [/FONT]
     
  3. BTPost

    BTPost Old Fart Snow Monkey Moderator

    Oh, the shame of it all.... I can see that happening to "Me" in the NOT to distant future....[ROFL][ROFL][ROFL]
     
  4. lynnie

    lynnie Monkey+

    [fnny]

    Good one. I'm 56 and getting forgetful already.
     
  5. Equilibrium

    Equilibrium Monkey++

    Please don't tell me I'm the only one whose gotten into somebody else's car and tried to turn the key in the ignition>>>? I wasn't even talking on the cell phone either time or anything when I did it. Talk about a cat on a hot tin roof.... man oh man I move so fast getting OUT I surprise even myself. Thank God I've never been "caught". What could you do except apologize and point out your own car that's hopefully somewhere close by so they can see it's the same make and model in the same color. It's laughable long after it happens and your safely home.... not so funny when you're sitting there and catch there's no dream catcher hanging off the rear view mirror.
     
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