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Two Cows

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Seacowboys, Dec 19, 2008.


  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    [SIZE=+1]TWO COWS[/SIZE]
    <small> VARIOUS FR THREADS ^ | 19 DECEMBER 2008 | FReeper Bobalu </small>
    <small>Posted on Friday, December 19, 2008 6:30:43 PM by Extremely Extreme Extremist</small>
    SOCIALISM
    You have 2 cows.
    You give one to your neighbor.

    COMMUNISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    FASCISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    NAZISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and shoots you.

    BUREAUCRATISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other,
    and then throws the milk away...

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and buy a bull.
    Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
    You sell them and retire on the income.

    SURREALISM
    You have two giraffes.
    The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
    Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

    AN INVESTMENT BANK
    You have two cows.
    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
    letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
    then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general
    offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
    You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
    A SWISS CORPORATION
    You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
    You charge the owners for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have 300 people milking them.
    You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
    You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You worship them.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Both are mad.

    AN IRAQI CORPORATION
    Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
    You tell them that you have none.
    No-one believes you, so they bomb the s--t out of you and invade your country.
    You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Business seems pretty good.
    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    The one on the left looks very attractive...

    A POLISH CORPORATION
    What are cows?

    MEXICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows
    They are located in Ciudad Juarez
    They somehow cross the U.S./Mexico border
    You cross into the border and claim both the land and cows
    The cows receive U.S. taxpayer benefits for the milk they produce, while the milk goes back to Mexican residents

    AN ISLAMIC CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You commit suicide
    Because Islamic law forbids you being associated with cows
    BRAZILIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows
    And DAYUM....do they got "back"...

    CANADIAN CORPORATION
    Eh...you have two cows
    Dis too cold to produce melk from these eh cows
    Yet's jus sell dem to da yoooesss....

    AFRICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows
    They are both thin and sick
    You ask the world to send you more cows
    The despotic dictator takes the cows to feed himself and his army
    and throw the bones and skin to the starving masses
    while television crews demand that the West "do something"...

    REDNECK OWNERS
    You have two cows.
    You and your buddies tip them over at night
    And use them in the county fair

    SUBURBAN OWNERS
    You have two cows
    They make a great stand for you widescreen TV

    REPUBLICAN COWS
    You have two cows
    You donate them to charity because...

    DEMOCRAT CORPORATION
    ..Democrats complained of unfairness, and demanded that Republicans share their cows
    So they did, and Republicans apologized for it, now Republicans are out of business while the Democrats' cows are prosperous from gov't subsidies

    LIBERTARIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows
    Grazing on hemp
    You have armed guards protecting them
    And a PRIVATE PROPERTY sign around them

    GREEN PARTY CORPORATION
    You HAD two cows
    You are growing tofu plants instead
    Because cows contribute to global warming
    And the McDonald's corporation
     
  2. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

    You found it !I've been looking for that thanks! :)
     
  3. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    [applaud]
     
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