Understanding Engineers

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Witch Doctor 01, Apr 13, 2011.

  1. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    Understanding Engineers - Take One
    Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you
    get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking
    along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on
    this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and
    said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
    choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Two
    To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half
    empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Three
    A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
    particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
    guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
    don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey,
    here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say,
    what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The
    greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They
    lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
    let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The
    pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
    tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
    ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The
    engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Four
    What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
    Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Five
    The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate
    with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an
    Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts
    degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Six
    "Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers
    believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
    An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
    better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
    enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
    relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the
    passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
    "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you
    are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get
    some work done."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
    An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and
    said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
    princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The
    frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
    beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took
    the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The
    frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll
    stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog
    out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked,
    "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll
    stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
    The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
    girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
  2. dragonfly

    dragonfly Monkey+++

    I love it!
    Thanks for the smiles!
  3. VisuTrac

    VisuTrac Ваша мать носит военные ботинки Site Supporter+++

    erm, I might take offense but there is not much here that I can dispute.
    BTPost likes this.
  4. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

  5. cool hand luke

    cool hand luke Monkey+

    the engineer in me cringes at how accurate those are.
  6. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    Scientists figure out why things work, and engineers make them work.

    Once upon a time, a physicist and an engineer were (and you'll have to visualize this) were placed in a long tunnel, and a stark naked (tart, shall we say?) at the other end. The game they were going to play was to take steps, one half of the remaining distance and claim the "maiden" for a few hours. Well, it's pretty obvious that taking half the distance each step means they would never get there and the physicist simply sat down and didn't start. On the other hand, the engineer knew full well that 6" was close enough ---
  7. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    I take it that the well endowed Engineer didn't use his 12" as a rule. : O
  8. mysterymet

    mysterymet Monkey+++

    They don't call it a slide rule for nothing.
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