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Walmart Application..

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Nov 19, 2007.


  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I like this guy....[beer]




    WAL-MART APPLICATION


    NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)


    SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)


    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I were in a position to be picky, would I be applying here in the first place?


    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.


    EDUCATION: Yes.


    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.


    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.


    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.


    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.


    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m.
    Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.


    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.


    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?


    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.: Of what?


    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"


    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.


    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
    On my breaks - yes!


    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actual ly, I'd like to be doing that now.


    NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles


    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
     
  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    [lolol]
     
  3. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Ok, but did he get the job? I know I used to screw with my managers when I worked at the pizza joint by filling out similar apps except they were usualy in crayon. The really neat part about it was that they were REQUIRED to keep them on file for quite some time.
     
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