<TABLE cellSpacing=2 cellPadding=5 width=650 border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top align=left><TD vAlign=top align=left><TABLE cols=1 cellPadding=0 width=94 border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top align=left><TD vAlign=top align=left></TD></TR><TR><TD></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top align=left><TD vAlign=top align=left></TD></TR><TR><TD></TD></TR><TR><TD></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top align=left><TD vAlign=top align=left></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top align=left><TD vAlign=top align=left></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top align=left><TD vAlign=top align=left></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top align=left><TD vAlign=top align=left></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top align=left><TD vAlign=top align=left></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top align=left><TD vAlign=top align=left></TD></TR><TR><TD></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top align=left><TD vAlign=top align=left></TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR><TR vAlign=top align=left><TD vAlign=top align=left> </TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD><TD vAlign=top align=left></TD><TD>Easter Bunny Bludgeoned to Death Before Cheering Crowd of Christian Children Satanic Substitutes for Christ Freehold, Iowa - The Dillard Henderson family were in the middle of a lovely Stouffer's Sunday dinner last week when a sin posse of twenty church Deacons burst into their kitchen armed with shotguns and several dozen gallons of gasoline. There was a great commotion as the Deacons demanded to know where 12-year-old Stewart Henderson was hiding his bunny rabbit, "Mr.Cottonelle Tail." As new church members, not even officially recognized as "Truly Saved™," the Henderson family had only settled their lovely Christian estate in Exodus Acres two weeks before they were visited by the church's Salvation Squad. The fact that the Henderson's made their initial down payment for church membership* did not absolve the probationary-Christian family from their responsibility to completely familiarize themselves with church regulations. So when little Stewart Henderson's Sunday school teacher overheard the boy talking to another child about having a bunny rabbit, she immediately took up the cross of Jesus Christ and alerted church authorities. The Deacons on call discussed the matter and raised the religious threat level from dark orange to honeysuckle. They then shattered the glass rifle cases in the church lobby, armed themselves to the teeth, and hopped into the Salvation Glory Bus. They arrived at the Henderson estate in under 10-minutes. <TABLE borderColor=#000000 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=10 width="100%" border=1><TBODY><TR><TD width="100%" bgColor=#000000>NATIONAL NEWS! ASSOCIATED PRESS UPDATE: </TD></TR><TR><TD width="100%" bgColor=#ffffdd>True Christians™ across America are imitating Landover Baptist by joining us in our centuries old battle against the Easter Bunny. Click a link below to read more!CLICK HERE TO READ THIS REPORT ON MSNBC.COM. PITSBURGH, PA POST-GAZETTE.COM: BUNNY WHIPPED AT CHURCH</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>The Hendersons, once they realized that Deacon Tomkins was not holding a Granny Smith apple, but a plump hand grenade, were cooperative and directed the Deacons to a shed in the back yard where they found not just one, but two dozen little furry white bunny rabbits! Deacon Wilkins phoned Pastor Deacon Fred at that point and within one hour Pastor's smaller helicopter landed in the cul-de-sac at the end of Second King's Way. Over one hundred curious Christian neighbors had already gathered there enjoying convivial speculation about the Hendersons' unlikely salvation, as well as fried chicken and prayer. The crowd followed Pastor as he made his way, Bible and church regulation book in hand, to the Henderson family's backyard.<?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O /> </O> By the time Pastor arrived, the rabbits had already had their lovely pelts ripped from their fornicating bodies with pairs of pliers and been dipped in gasoline. Some bunnies died in the earmuff-fur extraction process; some drowned in the Rubbermaid containers holding the Amoco unleaded; "but a few were still hopping about," said Pastor. "No doubt, obsessed with grabbing another piece of moist, furry rabbit crotch, as those licentious creatures are wont to do." Pastor noticed that there was a large white rabbit in the corner who appeared to be unaffected. "Bring me the big one, and set fire to this prayer shed!" yelled Pastor. When Pastor had the large rabbit in his hands, he held it by its extended ears and stared directly into its eyes. "I know you're in there Lucifer... you can't fool a man of God! Usually you hide in cute little stray pussies, but now you are hiding in this adorable little bunny," Pastor muttered. As the rabbit's left ear gave way, Pastor cleared his throat and spit a wad of bilious phlegm into the rabbit's face. It was of sufficient viscosity that it stuck like a piece of lint to Velcro. </O> "You dirty old fuzzy demon!" Pastor yelled. He then held the rabbit by its hind legs and swung it against the wall of the now burning shed, thrashing its head repeatedly. After another eight minutes of crazed swirling and imprecatory invective, to ensure that the beast was dead, Pastor tore the right back leg off of the bunny with his teeth and handed it to little Stewart Henderson. "Since you mock Jesus by believing superstitions that aren't Christian, why don't you hang on to this? It's supposed to bring good luck to you people. Until you get to Hell, that is! You rebellious little sissy!" </O> The neighbors present at the scene then burst into a joyful song of praise and hymns, contributing both buckshot and gasoline. Many were screaming in the delirium of the righteous, "We're clearing the Temple!" as they moved through the Henderson's property. The Henderson family and Deacons joined them in a celebration of songs, scripture reading and praise, right there in the Henderson's backyard until the last embers from the prayer shed and all of its ungodly contents had burnt out. It was also God's Will that the east wing and the prayer-solarium of the Hendersons' 13,450 square-foot middle-class home was taken in a blaze of righteous glory. </O> While watching the Hendersons' Colonial home serve as kindling to the Lord's displeasure, Pastor took the entire family aside during the celebration to pray, read scriptures and ask just how long it takes for their out-of-state bank to clear a cotton-picking check. He also took the time to familiarize them with the following passages from the Landover Baptist Book of Rules and Regulations: <TABLE borderColor=#000000 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=1><TBODY><TR><TD width="100%"><TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=8 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD width="100%" bgColor=#000000>Landover Baptist Book of Rules and Regulations | Chapter 83 | Holidays | Section 4: April | Subsection R - Easter | Page 723-724 | Paragraphs 4 and 5:</TD></TR><TR><TD width="100%" bgColor=#ffffdd>The Easter Bunny: Banned Easter Symbol From the Year of Our Lord 1923 - Until Jesus Tells Us Different </TD></TR><TR><TD width="100%" bgColor=#eeeeee> Paragraph 4 - Of all the Pagan symbols created by Satan to steal the True Christian History™ of religious holidays, none, save Santa Claus is more dangerous than the Easter Bunny. Painted pagan eggs, Easter baskets, and yellow marshmallow chickens don't hold a candle to this furry four legged demonic spawn, forged in the fires of Hell by Lucifer himself, for the sole purpose of distracting innocent little snow white children from the true meaning behind Easter Sunday. As the former angel of light, the Devil is an expert in trickery! This has been evident from 1923 to present time in modern churches where so-called "Christians" display the Easter bunny or pictures of bunnies in their Easter Sunday service programs. Sadly, many pastors have been seduced by the Devil's seemingly innocent long eared, hopping hellion. But do not be mistaken! Underneath that silky soft white coat of hair lay the tight red skin and pulsing veins of a miniature demon. And there are millions of them! Have you ever heard the term, "breed like rabbits?" Well, the Devil is laughing right at YOU! If you don't understand that Satan's job is breeding minions and the bunny rabbit is the ultimate symbol of minion breeding, then please close this book now and find another place of worship, for you are not welcome here. </TD></TR><TR><TD width="100%" bgColor=#eeeeee> Paragraph 5 - Since 1923, Church authorities have not permitted the presence of rabbits on the Landover Baptist Church campus. Any family found possessing or breeding rabbits will have the rabbits terminated and suffer public humiliation. In addition, they will receive immediate counseling from a Deacon or Pastor (fine accrual not to exceed $2,800). [AMENDMENT - 1957 - Church members found to be watching television programs where rabbits are depicted, including the popular pornographic cartoon, Bugs Bunny, where the rabbit is made to appear human in nature (i.e.: walking on two hind legs) and unclothed are subject to severe discipline at the Pastor's whim, and fines not to exceed $4,300]. [AMENDMENT: 1962 - Pastor has reviewed the popular film, Harvey, starring Christian actor, James Stewart, and deemed the material inappropriate for Landover Baptist Church members (as are any picture house films). See Chapter 42 | Motion Pictures | Section 43 | Pages 305-450 for extensive details on discipline and monetary fines]. [AMENDMENT: 1974 - No church member is permitted to consume or digest the product, "Trix." With the slogan, "Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids! Satan has revealed himself to the blind world of unsaved morons, but still they refuse to believe! (See Chapter 42 | Motion Pictures | Section 43 | Pages 305-450 for extensive details on discipline and monetary fines)]. [AMENDMENT - 1984 - Pastor has viewed the film, Roger Rabbit and has instructed that no further edicts be made to this section - any and all forms of rabbits in any form of media or reality are unacceptable until Armageddon (See Chapter 42 | Motion Pictures | Section 43 | Pages 305-450 for extensive details on discipline and monetary fines)]. </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>*The Henderson's initial check for church membership drew suspicion because it was made with a too-colorful, coy secular check that failed to depict Jesus being tortured on a cross. It was drawn from a bank Landover does not normally do business with in accordance with a confidential out-of-court settlement of a credit card fraud matter that Landover Baptist was 100% innocent of -- in spite of the deranged ramblings of demon-stacked grand juries in several states. </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></O>
The site mentioned in the story above is a fiction. I have seen it before. It is a site run by an avowed athiest and it's sole purpose is to mock and attempt to demonize Christians. This "Story" is wholly false. I have made it a point to avoid any type of religious debate on here. That is not what this forum is about. And it is a topic that tends to cause much more division than consensus. But I cannot let this post go without a comment. Not many here know this but I am an ordained minister. I have a small home ministry and am working on an on-line ministry site. I don’t talk much about it here, because that is not what I come here for. But this article struck a nerve and I believe that it does very much have something to do with survival. The author of this site is trying to use this to further demonize Christians by his mockery of sincerely held beliefs of many devout Christians. Not all Christians celebrate mans Hollydays. Many of us choose to observe only God’s Holy Days. And for very good reasons. But the day is coming when those who don’t follow the State approved line and conform to the State religion will be viewed as infidels, extremists, and dangerous radicals. And the unerring Word of God tells us plainly that these people who hold true to their faith will be hunted and persecuted and killed. And that a brother will turn in his brother and a father his own son to be killed, thinking they are doing the will of God. And these types of inflammatory articles are just setting the stage for that. That is what got me into survivalism in the first place was the knowledge that in a future time men of God would be outcasts, unable to buy or sell unless they submitted to the Satanic world system. And their greatest enemy would be the churchianity, Sunday social club, Christians. The deceived masses of Christiandumb killing the saints of God while singing hymns and thinking they are doing his will. None of this will make sense to those who are not saved, to you it is foolishness. 1Cr 1:18 For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God. 1Cr 2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know [them], because they are spiritually discerned. But even those who do know the truth are still not set free by it. People want to go to Church and be told what to believe. Few search it out for themselves. Pro 25:2 [It is] the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honor of kings [is] to search out a matter. If they did they would know that this Pagan ritual has nothing to do with Christ. They would have read where King Herod, just a few years after Christ’s crucifixion waited until AFTER Easter to bring Peter before the people as a prisoner. So Herod celebrated the death and resurrection of Christ? Act 12:4 And when he had apprehended him, he put [him] in prison, and delivered [him] to four quaternions of soldiers to keep him; intending after Easter to bring him forth to the people. Or they may have read where God forbids his people to follow heathen customs of cutting down and adorning trees. Jeremiah 10:1 Hear ye the word which Yahweh speaketh unto you, O house of Israel: 10:2 Thus saith Yahweh, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. 10:3 For the customs of the people [are] vain: for [one] cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. 10:4 They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not. They would know that Christ was crucified on Wednesday the 14<SUP>th day of Nisan during Passover. Not on Friday. They would know that he was in the grave for three days and could count from Friday to Sunday and know that he could not have possibly risen on that day. They would also know that the day after Passover is a holy day and is a Sabbath day of rest making it common to have more than just the Saturday Sabbath in a particular week.</SUP> <SUP> But people don’t want to know. They don’t want to be made aware. They cannot handle the barbarian truth of Gods word. It is not safe for them, it does not fit their worldview. We talk on here about sheeple and how blind some people are to the threats and conditions in this world. But the people who should have the clearest minds, the sharpest vision. Those who have been told "the ending from the beginning", they are the most blind. So remember when the time comes that you are told to turn in those who are dangerous, those who are terrorists, those who aren’t in the mainstream. Those who don’t believe the way that is accepted. Remember these words. Remember that I told you it was coming. Remember that God told you it was coming. We discuss political threats, climate threats, plague threats. But the greatest threat to God fearing people will come from their own ranks. From those who bow to the system. Those who take the mark of the beast. Those who have been told that it is OK. There is nothing wrong with it. Only those crazy religous extremists believe that it is wrong. Why look how crazy they are, they don't even celebrate our fun and happy holidays. Anyone who is against the cute little easter bunny must be a lunatic right? Like those lunatics who rant on about the constitution or those lunatics who think everyone should just be able to do whatever they want, own any kind of gun they want.Got to watch out for those radical, dangerous people who have these strange ideas. Well, I'll keep my beliefs, I'll hold to my convictions. I'll watch and wait for the storm that is coming, but in the mean time maybe, just maybe, I can open some eyes, change some hearts, before that day arrives. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. If you want to know the truth then read the articles below, if you don’t, then turn away. Because the Almighty requires those who have been shown the truth to act. And once shown you cannot plead ignorance. So concludes my first, and last sermon on this site. </SUP>
MM, as an SDA i aggree with you... i'll just leave it at that, since this is not really the place for religious debate. if there is a place for it let me know.
I will make a comment on this and not stray into religious debate, but the same inferences with society can be made with any enemy. Whether it is the media, or the sheeple, the same tactics in undermining solid principles and common sense are always the same. It begins with disinformation, and degenerates into ridicule of beliefs, whether religious or preparations or political or family values. The attackers want to put their opponents on the defensive of solid values or common sense. The other way that foundational truths are challenged are through humor or minimizing the damage that the action brings. For example, society has become more tolerant of homosexuality because they first made jokes about it, lampooned it in sit coms, and made a joke out of it. From there it was an easier transition to pity people that were being picked on because of their mannerisms, and then to demonize the people that stood out against it. The next step was acceptance as an alternative life style, after all who does not want to be an accepting and broad minded person. Now I know that this has nothing to do with the subject matter to much, but I am keeping my religious and moral attitudes out of this, but I do think it merits consideration as it pertains to survivalists. Where do we make concessions, what standards are non optional, how do you determine those within your community, and are you prepared to be percieved as uncaring, or dogmatic in your convictions and or beliefs. Whether anyone agrees or disagrees with Minuteman, I for one applaud him for his convictions, and his stance on what he believes is truth. I think it is Melbo that has the signature that says, and I paraphrase, "While I may not agree with what you say, I will die for your right to say it" The problem that I see with many survivalists, preppers, militia, etc is that they either do not have the conviction or cojones to draw that line in the sand, and say this far and no farther.
while I certainly respect everyones right to voice their opinion and will not debate religion with christians, muslems, jews, agnostics,hindus, buddists, or anyone else, Yo Seinta; I still think it is funny even inspite of the anti-gun stuff (my PO-button).
Well said gillman. That was my intent, to point out that while we get all riled up about the libs demonizing us as gun owners and right wing radicals etc. we accept the ridicule of another group. And I knew SC had posted this in jest an that was not what I was going on about. I have seen several things that this website has put out and it is very defamotory of Christians. I was concerned on one hand that someone might actually think that this was a valid news story. On the other hand I was trying to convey the point that we should be careful of ridiculing or demeaning people whose beliefs are outside the accepted norm. It's kind of the pot calling the kettle black. It was not my intent to stir up a religous debate. But I do tend to get long winded when I am passionate about something. A pre-requisite trait for a Pastor. This forum is for survival related issues and community sharing of ideas and knowledge. Not for religous discussion and certainly not religous debate.I for one would argue against even having a place here for that. It is too devisive a topic. But for anyone interested, they can PM me and I will give them the link to my website. Although at present it is a work in progress and not nearly complete.
