Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Tracy, Mar 4, 2007.
A termite walked in to a bar and asked: "Is the bar tender here?"
This thread still makes me giggle!
An illiterate fisherman was lost at c.
One I found:
When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
Once upon a time, there lived a group of people called Trids, and the Trids had a problem. On a mountain near their lush valley home lived a large giant, and he made the mountain impassable. Whenever a poor little Trid tried to leave, the giant would pick the trid up, and viciously throw the poor thing back to the valley.
One day, however, the Trids got fed up. They called in a Rabbi and asked him to go up to the mountain with some Trids to see if he could persuade the monster to stop. So up they went, higher and higher, until at last they came to the dreaded mountain pass. Then suddenly the giant appeared, and picked up the first of 5 trids the Rabbi had with him, and kicked him down to the valley.
"Wait!" yelled the Rabbi, but alas, one by one, all 5 trids ended up kicked back home. Then the giant turned and made ready to leave.
"Hold it! Why didn't you kick me down there too?", asked the Rabbi.
The Giant replied:
"Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids."
Thank you, Ivan!!
I haven't been able to find that one since I originally heard it (quite some time ago) and have had the punch line running 'round my brain for years, searching for the rest of the story.
Before I go...
There was this smoker who always listened to his favorite rap artist on his smoke breaks. He was a Tupac a day man.
I passed that one along to some (somewhat younger) friends. They don't watch enough TV, I guess, they didn't get it. One gotcha for me --
heh heh heh
Eugene O'Neil once wrote a play about a visit from an optometrist. He called it, 'The Eyes Man Cometh.'
My buddy asked me to look after his pet goose while he was away. I told him I wasn't down with that.
When a vampire decided to become a poet, everyone said he went from bat to verse.
When the first telephone rang it was Alexander Graham's bell.
The men who make draperies might be named Curt and Rod.
I was going to order a satellite dish but then I found out that I had to go through channels.
I tried to get a job at a casino but they didn't have a slot for me. I figured it was a bit of a gamble anyway.
A range-finder is a person who goes shopping for a new stove
The noisy fireworks display in Tibet caused a temporary Lhasa hearing.
In the room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.
Advert for viewing a garden - 'No entrance charge - Comfrey'
(I'm waiting to see that sign on OGM's greenhouse )
In some conifer forests, you can't cedar wood for the trees.
Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they really know how to espresso themselves.
One of the first things you'll notice at the Beijing airport is a whole lot of Chinese checkers.
The man put his name on the neck of his shirt so he would have collar ID.
The number of kangaroos and wallabies meant for the new wildlife enclosure grew by leaps and bounds.
I do a lot of spreadsheets in the office so you can say I'm excelling at work.
He was almost persuaded to invest in a poultry farm, but chickened out at the last minute.
An ex-sailor prefers to forget the days he spent playing cards in submarines, dismissing them as 'so much bridge under the water'.
Separate names with a comma.