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Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghostrider, Jun 28, 2006.

  1. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    Test Yourself

    1) You are most likely to see ghosts...
    a) In your office
    b) In an airport
    c) At a football game
    d) In a vacant house or empty part of a house (such as an attic)

    2) Ghosts like to eat...
    a) Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
    b) Dark chocolate with almonds
    c) Nothing
    d) Sushi

    3) Ghosts are drawn to...
    a) Music
    b) Pets
    c) Favorite movies
    d) None of the above

    4) Which appliance is a ghost most likely to haunt?
    a) Toaster
    b) Dishwasher
    c) Refrigerator
    d) Stove

    5) Ghosts usually wear...
    a) Nothing
    b) The clothes in which they were buried
    c) The clothes in which they died
    d) White bedsheets

    6) If you meet a ghost you should...
    a) Talk to it
    b) Run away
    c) Chase it with a broom
    d) Close your eyes and say a prayer

    7) You can tell a ghost is nearby because...
    a) You feel a cold chill
    b) You can see it
    c) It moves small objects around
    d) All of the above

    8) When ghosts want to relax they...
    a) Do crossword puzzles
    b) Go to the gym
    c) Travel
    d) Swim

    1D. Ghosts often appear in places that are not usually frequented by the living. Most spirits don't like company and need to be alone. They haven't accepted the fact that they are dead and will only be able to go on their way after much solitary reflection. In the meantime, they show themselves only when they want to scare away intruders or communicate some unfinished business to the living. That's why they don't show up in an office during normal working hours or at an airport or a football game -- too many people around. Occasionally, spirits go to attics to look for the things they owned when they were alive. You may see them there if you go up alone. You might see a ghost on your TV screen, but if you do, call the repair man: Ectoplasm, the chemical buildingblock of ghosts, is incompatible with digital circuits.
    2C. Ghosts don't eat, so even if they loved sushi or dark chocolate with almonds in their lifetimes, you won't be able to lure them out of hiding by placing their former favorite foods on the table.
    3A. If you want to see a ghost, you can try drawing them out with the music that they liked when they were alive. As intangible beings, they respond strongly to intangible media (and also tangible mediums like our Madame Malisa). Ghosts don't like pets because animals sense when they're around and make a racket. They also don't respond to movies, even the ones they liked in their lifetimes. A ghost's eyesight is notoriously poor except in almost total darkness.
    4A. Ghosts are naturally drawn to the "pop" action of a toaster because it scares people.
    5C. Most people who have seen ghosts say they wear the clothes in which they died, not the ones in which they were buried. This makes sense: That was the way they looked when their lives ended. Ghosts don't actually wear sheets. People who claim to have seen them like that are really seeing raw, unformed ectoplasm. Ghosts who appear in this form are usually in a transition period, getting ready to head off to the afterlife. Ghosts who are still dressed will probably be around for a while, like seniors at a prom.
    6A. If you meet a ghost for the first time, you will probably be scared. Talk to it. That will help to calm you down. Attacking it will only rile you both. Running won't make it go away (it can float faster than you can move). Prayer may make you feel stronger . . . but it won't make the ghost disappear.
    7D. Many ghosts seem to enjoy teasing live humans. After all, there's not much else to do when you're dead. Unfortunately, some ghosts do not have good intentions and will hurt people if they get a chance. Some are tormented. Some are angry and want vengeance. If you sense that a ghost is nearby, be firm with it. Ghosts respect those who are unafraid.
    8D. While ghosts can't actually swim, they know how to float and enjoy the coolness of the water. Their eyesight isn't good enough to do crossword puzzles and they no longer have a real body, so going to the gym holds little appeal. Neither does traveling. They can go anywhere they want, but they prefer to stay close to the places that were meaningful to them in life.
  2. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member

  3. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Now, I would just like to point out that this topic is displaying a distinct tendency to become SILLY. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do... except, perhaps my wife... and some of her friends. Oh, yes, and Captain Johnson. Come to think of it, most people like a good laugh more than I do, but that's beside the point! I'm warning this post NOT to get SILLY again! Right!


  4. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    Wot' in the 'ell, woman? You have fever with those spells?
  5. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Just went thru a tiny Monty Python spell, I guess...

    Had a friend that went and saw "Spamelot" and ever since....every Monty Python movie or show I have ever seen....( and that is a LOT) has been going thru my head....

    I love the ministry of silly walks....and so many other things..

    I'll try to keep it under control......watch old episodes of Law & Order or something....;) :p
  6. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    "Nobody expects the Inquisition!"

    "I'm a lumberjack...."

  7. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    :lol:"Just a flesh wound" [​IMG] :lol:
  8. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Great...now that's ALL there is up there...

    Shut up! Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam!


    Might be a Blockbusters Day...:p
  9. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    OMG! I love the Spanish Inquisition! :lol:

    and...don't forget...

    "snap snap , wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more"

    "is your , uh wife, interested in , uh, photography?"

    Cracks me up everytime...
  10. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    Hi, Jack.
  11. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    and this surprises you???

  12. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    Not at all. Holy hand grenade and all.
  13. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    Monty Python rocks. I love watching BBC tv. Gives you a better class of tv than this American fad with reality shows. I mean when are they actually going to start the 'Running Man' show? I would tune in everyday to see blood, gore and mayhem. Could have the violent offenders fight each other. Would cut down on overcrowding in the prison systems. That's my two cents.
  14. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    A friend of mine can do the whole Holy Hand Grenade speil.
  15. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    And St Attila raised the hand grenade up on high.....:lol:

    I love that! :D
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