Who says I'm a grammar Nazi???

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by chelloveck, Feb 15, 2014.


  1. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

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    swampbilly likes this.
  2. Falcon15

    Falcon15 Falco Peregrinus

    [shiz]
     
    chelloveck likes this.
  3. -06

    -06 Monkey+++

    Chel is a nice guy--jes caus he liks letters in tha rght places and gits all upcited 'bout dem does not make hem a vord nazie--I don't tink so anyhou.
     
  4. DarkLight

    DarkLight I self identify as a Blackhawk Attack Helicopter! Site Supporter

    @-06, Damn that was painful to read.
     
  5. Sapper John

    Sapper John Analog Monkey in a Digital World

    There, Their, They're DarkLight, the pain eases off in a little while.:D
     
    Mountainman and chelloveck like this.
  6. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    -06 Though your creative spelling and punctuation are giving DarkLight a headache, your usage of grammar makes sense...at least infinitely better sense than Xzibit does.

    Via:Urban Dictionary: fo' shizzle my nizzle

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    hank2222 likes this.
  7. -06

    -06 Monkey+++

    Did not take me but 15 years to get my edumacation. They finally kicked me out when I turned 21.
     
    hank2222 likes this.
  8. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    hear, here, we're in agreement.
     
  9. Minuteman

    Minuteman Chaplain Moderator Founding Member

    Heteronyms… This is intriguing
    Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning.

    A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

    You think English is easy??

    I think a retired English teacher was bored…THIS IS GREAT!

    Read all the way to the end…

    This took a lot of work to put together!

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

    2) The farm was used to produce produce.

    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

    4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

    10) I did not object to the object.

    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

    13) They were too close to the door to close it.

    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

    17) The wind was too strong for me to wind the sail.

    18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear…

    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    [​IMG]Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell.

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

    PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’?

    You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

    There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’

    [​IMG]It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

    A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

    We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

    To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

    In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn’t rain for a while, things dry UP.

    One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so…….it is time to shut UP!
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2014
  10. hank2222

    hank2222 Monkey++

    Thanks guys I needed a laugh this morning .I use safari and it takes a lot of work to get it just right when you want to make the board Nazi mad at you
     
  11. -06

    -06 Monkey+++

    Would like to make a toast to him before I get tossed over the bridge
     
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