Why Guns are Better than Women

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Clyde, Nov 13, 2007.

  1. Clyde

    Clyde Jet Set Tourer Administrator Founding Member

    10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22...
    #9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you are on-the-road...
    #8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times...
    #7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup...
    #6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo...
    #5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space...
    #4 - A gun functions normally every day of the month...
    #3 - A gun doesn't ask, "Do these grips make me look fat?"...
    #2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it...
    ...AND...the #1 reason a gun is favored over a woman...............

  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    Re: Why Guns are Better

    Hmmm... odd.

    I always heard that handguns were better than men because;

    You can tell at a glance what caliber it is.
    A handgun doesn't lie about the length of its barrel.
    If you want your handgun to fire blanks, it doesn't complain about it.
    A handgun can be fired again right away.
    You can shoot your handgun as many times in a row as you want.
    Feeding a handgun costs less than feeding a man.
    A handgun doesn't complain when you take it shopping with you.
    When a handgun is loaded, it's a good thing.
    A handgun doesn't get more loaded the more shots it takes.
    A handgun never goes off by itself.
  3. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Re: Why Guns are Better

  4. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member


  5. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Good thing we get to learn so much about the other gender!




    ATOMIC WEIGHT: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs
    DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.

    OCCURANCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)

    1) Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
    2) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic & Common Sense.
    3) Melts if treated like a God.
    4) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
    5) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
    6) Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.

    1) Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.
    2) May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
    3) Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
    4) When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
    5) Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
    6) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
    7) Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6.
    8) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
    9) Is impervious to embarrassment. 10) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.
  6. evilgijoe88

    evilgijoe88 Monkey+++

    sounds like what my exes say about me
  7. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

  8. wildernessgal

    wildernessgal Backwoods is a callin'

    Re: Why Guns are Better

    ... and then some. Pretty darn good Tracy... LOL
    Thanks for giving me "a good laugh" this mornin', much appreciated!!!!

  9. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    Shouldn't there be 2 switches?

    One for the stomach and one for ..... [troll]
  10. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member


    I bet you guys could live without eating.

  11. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Yeah but the women wouldnt want us to.[troll]

    Tina wanted me to post, "cant live with'em and still illegal to shoot 'em"
  12. Clyde

    Clyde Jet Set Tourer Administrator Founding Member

    hey, I resembled all the MSDS data sheet for a man last week...at least that is what I can surmise based upon what is stated therein and what was stated by the Mrs.

  13. ozarkgoatman

    ozarkgoatman Resident goat herder

    WG would not want me to do that. She might wake up missing an arm or something. [stirpot]

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