1. The Topic of the Month for October is "Make this the Perfect Bugout Location". Please join the discussion in the TOTM forum.


Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Quigley_Sharps, Jan 10, 2013.

  1. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    Men Are Just Happier People --
    What do you expect from such simple creatures?
    Your last name stays put.
    The garage is all yours.
    Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    Chocolate is just another snack...
    You can be President.
    You can never be pregnant.
    You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
    Car mechanics tell you the truth..
    The world is your urinal.
    You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    Same work, more pay.
    Wrinkles add character.
    Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
    People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    One mood all the time.
    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    You know stuff about tanks.
    A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    You can open all your own jars.
    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    If someone forgets to invite you,
    He or she can still be your friend.
    Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
    You almost never have strap problems in public.
    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
    Everything on your face stays its original color.
    The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
    You only have to shave your face and neck.
    You can play with toys all your life.
    One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
    You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
    On December 24 in 25 minutes.
    Men Are Just Happier People
    If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
    A married man should forget his mistakes.. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
    SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ..... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

    Happy New Year!
    kellory and chelloveck like this.
  2. CATO

    CATO Monkey+++


    By god, there has never been any truer words spoken.
    Brokor and Quigley_Sharps like this.
  3. -06

    -06 Monkey+++

    I am a happy person. Four pair of identical brown dress slacks, 3-4 basic shirts, few ties, few jackets, and I can be dressed for any occasion. My wife has three walk ins and still says---I can't find anything to wear. Go off for the weekend and she packs four suitcases--I have a small pack about the size of a brief case and ready to go in five minutes. Takes her five hours and still forgets something. We are simple creatures---thank you Lord..
    kellory, BTPost, Tracy and 1 other person like this.
  4. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary