<DIR>A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country ~~~ Well, there's a very simple answer. ~~~ Nobody bothered to check the oil. ~~~ We just didn't know we were getting low. ~~~ The reason for that is purely geographical. ~~~ OurOIL is located in ~~~ Alaska ~~~ California ~~~ Oklahoma ~~~ TEXAS ~ ~ UTAH and Wyoming ~~~ Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC </DIR>
More Oil Humor <DIR><DIR>Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00 Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss. 11) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. 12) Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work. 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to liquor store; buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 10. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas. 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin cussing fit. 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob. 36) Beer. 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 38) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. 45) Beer. 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 48) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, make bail. 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00 Total-- $4165.00 But, you have the satisfaction of knowing the job was done right... </DIR></DIR>
Now every dad worth his salt should know the fundamentals. You buy two sets of jack stands. One for your vehicles and one for juniors. It's tradition. Had a toyota corolla. Wanted to do an oil change myself. Bought oil and found out that I couldn't get to the filter no matter the tricks I tried. Brought the car to a mechanic that I trusted and he didn't know how to do it. Finally had to take it to a toyota mechanic where I was charged for oil since it wasn't their brand that I had bought. Was charged for labor, meaning their looking and deciding what tool they would need. Was charged for labor, meaning them actually using the tool that was needed to remove the filter. Was charged more money for them to do the work. Finally, was charged for several pieces that I never knew existed though I 'Had' to have them. Don't recall the exact amount I paid, though it was way over priced. I bet if I would have went out and bought a .45 and just put the car out of my misery, I would have gotten off cheaper.
I never did unnerstand why it took half a day to do an oil change when I drank, but now I know! Ever since I quit drinkin' 2 things happened: I quit seeing the cops all the time and I get oil changes in 20 minutes. Amazing.
Well I searched oil shortage and this came up. Well I was working on my tractor and went to buy a gallon of oil to replace what I used and noticed there was no 5w-40 synthetic diesel oil to be had maybe if I went to every store open in town on Monday I could find some, 15w-40 had been hit really hard too and there there wasn't much gear oil either. Plenty of car, suv and pickup truck type motor oil. For now.
I had to go to Walmart today. Had an emergency situation arose ,,,,, my granddaughters little ringy bell broke on her tricycle ,,, and had to get her another one. I bought her the tricycle,, can't have her thinking poppy's giving her cheap junk. Anyway ,, I went down the motor oil section,, was looking for some oil additive just to try and add a little thickness to my oil to try and stretch it out a little longer. They didn't have anything like that.
O'Reilly had some, they had one kind of 5w-40 in 2 sizes. Rotella in 2 gallon jug and 5 gallon bucket, which is what I use. All the other 5w-40 weight oils were gone and 15w-40 were hit pretty hard.
deal was made , on 360 L also spares all ordered on filters etc. Ill be picking up 60L of ISO32 for the hyd machines , that should keep the ranch for a while Sloth
All "oil shortages" are artificial and man-made, on purpose. This Biden Oil Shortage is just the most brazen and criminal yet attempted. The democommies have no scruples whatsoever. All need hung and quartered.
I'm hoping that when Biden and the Saudi Crown Prince meet, things go badly. NO, I'm not hoping that the Crown Prince has Biden beheaded on the tarmac, but at the press conference HRH needs to tell Biden that, "NO, we will not be increasing oil out-put!"! The look on Biden's face would be worth paying $10 a gallon for gas!
Bidumb made this oil shortage --we have more energy than anyone coal, massive amount of natural gas. and oil deposits undiscovered and discovered and not developed. Bidumb and his puppet masters are intentionally destroying this country under the BS global warming. The elites will not suffer but we serfs will and are under this illegal regime.