Why we shoot deer in the wild

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by STANGF150, Dec 30, 2011.

  1. STANGF150

    STANGF150 Knowledge Seeker

    Why we shoot deer in the wild
    (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms,
    writes well and actually tried this)

    I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it
    up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first
    step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they
    congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me
    when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff
    at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet
    away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a
    bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The
    cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They
    were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up--
    3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end
    of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared
    at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I
    would have a good hold.

    The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was
    mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards
    it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope .., and
    then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that,
    while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope
    it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

    That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for
    pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt
    in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some
    dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and
    pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to
    it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the
    ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly
    as good an idea as I had originally imagined.. The only upside is
    that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

    A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk
    me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few
    minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood
    flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my
    taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature
    off the end of that rope.

    I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck,
    it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there
    was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated
    the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
    Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had
    cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against
    various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still
    think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I
    shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were
    in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I
    managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a
    little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I
    got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope

    Did you know that deer bite?

    They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer
    would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ..... I reached up
    there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now,
    when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they
    just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and
    shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and
    draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was

    It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but
    it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer
    (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I
    kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up
    with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

    That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

    Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on
    their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and
    their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that,
    when an animal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and
    you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud
    noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will
    usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery
    would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different
    strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The
    reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse
    that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you
    in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses
    after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because
    the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head
    and knocked me down.

    Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not
    immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has
    passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on
    you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering
    your head.

    I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So
    now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a
    scope......to sort of even the odds!!

    ... An Educated Farmer
  2. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    Hahaha...Good One...
  3. ditch witch

    ditch witch I do stupid crap, so you don't have to

    In college my friends and I had what we referred to as our "Token Nerd", a geeky, gawky fella of limited intelligence and even more limited common sense. He followed our group around everywhere, desperately trying to be part of our clique. While we didn't particularly like him and derided his every move while he was with us, he was "our" TN and therefore we provided some level of protection for him against other groups.

    TN caught up with us one afternoon as we were piling into a pickup with plans to head to Odessa to go to the mall. This being a 2 hour trek, going to the mall was not something we did often. TN begged to be included, so we allowed him to ride in the bed even though there was room in the back seat in the big Chevy crewcab my dormmate's boyfriend owned. The trip there was uneventful as was our shopping, which mostly included hitting the liquor store and a tack shop, but the event worth retelling occurred on the way home.

    The road from Midland/Odessa to Fort Stockton is long, straight, and devoid of anything to obscure one's vision, and so when a mule deer was spied far in the distance along the right hand side of the road, there was plenty of time for judgement to lapse. The sliding rear window opened, and TN poked his head inside. "Y'all see that deer? I'm gonna rope it!". Eyes rolled and snorts abounded. Advise to STFD and reminders that TN couldn't rope the Buford steer when it was turned off went unheaded, and to our great amusement we watched as he snatched a rope from the hanger and stood up in the bed, shaking it out.

    As we neared the deer, it turned and began to run along the side of the road. My dormmate's boyfriend eased up on it and matched it's speed while the rest of us yelled at TN to give it up. He proceeded to swing, once, twice, a third time, and then let the loop fly. We watched gapemouthed as the loop swung a perfect arc out and settled neatly over the mule deer's head. TN, who really couldn't rope the Buford when it was sitting still, had just snared a running mule deer from the back of a pickup.

    What followed doubtless still earns TN free drinks at west Texas bars. The deer refused to simply swing around like a well seasoned steer and instead increased it's speed and made a hard right to a 4 strand barb wire fence. TN, being as stunned as the rest of us, did not think to let go of the rope, and promptly shot out of the back of the truck like a rocket. He hit the dirt, bounced once, then slammed through the barb wire fence. Whereas the deer gracefully cleared the fence, TN simply ripped up and over it, taking a few strands along for about 10 ft before vanishing in a cloud of dirt and shrieks.

    We retrieved his mangled glasses about 150 feet past the fence, but ole TN hung on for a good 500 feet before finally losing hold. If you're unfamiliar with the landscape of that region, think gravel, big rocks, little rocks, sand, and pokely plants. Poor TN was a shredded, bloody mess with one ear hanging on by the lobe only. We carried him to the truck and dropped him off at the first hospital we came to. When he showed up for class the following week, his head was still covered in bandages and one arm was in a cast. For the rest of the time I went to that college, people would still beg TN to tell them about the time he roped the mule deer.
  4. -06

    -06 Monkey+++

    Trouble was that he probably didn't holler "WHOA" loud enough--lol.
  5. goinpostal

    goinpostal Monkey+++

    When I worked the ponies in Ocala,Fl.I use to know a little fat black guy that hunted whitetail's with a Buckmaster bowie,and his bare hands.
    He'd put some scent on a maxipad(man hole cover),and stick it to the base of a tree along a game trail.
    He'd then climb up the tree,and wait for a Buck to come along.When it put it's head down to sniff the scent pad,the crazy SOB would jump on it's back like some $#!T out of a tarzan movie,and cut it's throat while hanging on for dear life,or should I say end of deer life.
    If I hadnt see him do this one time,I never would have believed it.
    We had a KY whitetail doe that was rescued as a fawn,and I can tell you right now a scared,or pissed off buck will kick your ass,and have his way with you if you get caught off guard.
    They are strong critters,that dont play.
  6. snowbyrd

    snowbyrd Latet anguis in herba

    Had a girlfriend that did the knife and tree trick. You are right, if I hadn't seen it many times I would not believe it. She used corn to get them under the tree.
    I kinda miss her.......
    Falcon15 likes this.
  7. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    Had a friend in southern La (state not city) who used a slightly modified Burmese spear trap to kill deer don't think he ever had to track one...
    Falcon15 likes this.
  8. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

  9. Falcon15

    Falcon15 Falco Peregrinus

    Gator 45/70 likes this.
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