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Ya'll ain't From Around Here, Are You?

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Seacowboys, Dec 30, 2010.

  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    The North has Bloomingdale's; the South has Dollar General.

    The North has coffee houses; the South has Waffle Houses.

    The North has dating services; the South has family reunions.

    The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's

    The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

    The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.

    North has Cream of Wheat; the South has grits.

    The North has green salads; the South has collard greens.

    The North has lobsters; the South has crawfish.

    The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.


    In the South : If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

    Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store...
    Do not buy food at this store.

    Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

    Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

    Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southernstatement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

    The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

    Be advised that 'He needed killin.’ is a valid defense here.

    If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

    If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

    Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

    In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

    AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners...

    After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.

    Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it. Your kin would get a kick out of it too!

    To use the ultimate southern term of affection -- BLESS YOUR HEART !!

    You can say ANYTHING about a person as long as you say

  2. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


  3. UGRev

    UGRev Get on with it!

    ok.. but I must interject for a moment.. "Pop" is not something you drink. "Pop" is your father.. and Coke is 1 product, not all "soda" products wrapped into one ;)

    .. oh and "Bar-b-Q", unless referred to in the context of an event, such as "We're going to a barbecue", MUST be succeeded with a descriptor..ex: We're having barbecue CHICKEN, or we're grilling up barbecue RIBS. You don't eat "barbecue", it's either something you do (had a barbecue for ex) or it describes what you've done to a meat product which is then eaten ;)

    The next time someone says "Lets have some barbecue" and I ask "Barbecue what?".. you better put a meat at the end of your reply or I'm going to go brooklyn on your ass :)
  4. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    UGREV, you are obviously from up north somewhere or least, have a yankee in the woodpile; everybody knows that bar-b-q is pulled pork, period. Then there is Bar-b-q chicken, Bar-b-q coon, nutria-rat, goat, etc. Under no circumstance, is beef ever Bar-b-q except for beef ribs once in a while.
    Coke refers to any type soda, cocacola is one product. Coke can be orange or grape or root-beer or pepsi; you qualify the question by asking what kinda coke do ya'll want? Pop is the sound of a firecracker, .22, or smacking a young-un up side the head for smarting off.
    We don't "have" bar-b-ques, we have "cook-outs" and serve Bar-b-q that was cooked last night. Takes over an hour a pound to really b-b-q a pork shoulder.
  5. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I was soooooooo going to say this earlier, but you did it way more eloquently that I could have....Drives me NUTS when people invite me over to BBQ and they're having hamburgers on the grill!! That's "Cookin' Out"....NOT bbq.....
    BBQ involves pork which you stay up all night, cook in a pit, and pull apart and mix with Sauce....and make some hash with....:)

    And yes, all soft drinks are Coke. When I'm leaving for the store I always ask "Who wants a coke?"....followed by "What Kind?"....

    Thank you Sea... :)
  6. UGRev

    UGRev Get on with it!

    We have something in common there.. Beef is a no go for BBQ. Sorry I should have clarified that further. Cook-out fits the bill for burgers and dogs.

    However, Coke is a singular product and soda is its descriptor.. always has and always will be. ;). Pepsi is the name of a company and it is impossible to define a pepsi as a coke. They are polar opposites.

    Now pulled pork is my favorite!!, but it's still required to define other meats (not beef) that are bbq'd by saying "Bbq chicken" etc.. and yes.. pulled pork is bbq by default. To say otherwise is blasphemy. Alas.. it is physically impossible to serve BBQ as it's either an event (in tangible) or lacks a proper descriptor which is required for tangibility, i.e. BBQ chicken. If you asked me if I wanted left over BBQ, I would ask "BBQ what".. you have to define it.

    I guess pop is a popular is the mid-south. My parents are in NC and they use pop all the time.. drives me nuts. It's also found in some southern parts of NY in certain areas (but very few).

    Thanks for the laughs, guys! My sister is in TX.. and I love razzing her about this kind of stuff..lol[fnny]

    Lastly, Dog and Frog do NOT rhyme.. ;)
  7. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Dawg and Frawg? Sure they do.
  8. UGRev

    UGRev Get on with it!

    Do not.. [beat]
  9. Disciple

    Disciple Monkey+

    For the bbq if you are In Texas Beef is king for bbq. Brisket. And Bless your Heart My Mee-Maw (paducah Kentucky area), and My PawPaw(bloody Harlan county,Ky) used to say well bless his little pea-picken Heart. Yes I know I was born and raised in the north and even live in the north now But "I'm SOUTHERN BY THE GRACE OF GOD".
    Thank you very much and Bless your little pea-picken hearts.
  10. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    That was the biggest thing I could never understand about Texans was how they could keep a straight face and call roasted cow bar-b-q?
  11. UGRev

    UGRev Get on with it!

    you can't.. it doesn't exist.. :)
  12. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    If ya'll come downremember theres 4 types of Yankees...

    1. Yankee: comes down spends their money and leaves... we likes yankees....

    2. Damn Yankees: they come down he'a and stays... we doan like them much

    3. Gosh damn Yankees:the come down he'a and stays and takes a damn state job... we hates them

    4. Noo York Yankees: wust form of Yankee know to man...
  13. UGRev

    UGRev Get on with it!

    We call them "government employees" up here, and we hate them too :)
    There is life above NYC.. life above Albany, NY and there is more farmland in NY than cities :)
  14. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I grew up learnin' about Heart Blessin'....and it wasn't very nice.... ;)

    First time I remember hearing it... I was about 6, and there was a women in our Church who had really really bad buck teeth...An older women in the Church looked at her as she was walking away and said..."That women could eat an apple through a picket fence.....Bless her Heart.."


    I learned then I could say whatever I wanted as long as there was some heart blessin' afterwards.....;)
  15. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    [​IMG][​IMG]We used to go and get a pop rouge and a lil debbie at the store when we were young....
    and never try to bar-b-que any meat from a 11ft. gator...
    You just as soon throw a goodyear tire on the pit....
  16. UGRev

    UGRev Get on with it!

    is that strawberry soda? man.. you guys really have some strange stuff! :)
  17. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    Yes it is...Good stuff too....
    We also wrap center cut bacon around shrimp and grill it....
    and frog leg's on the pit are pretty good...
    any food put on the pit down here is called grilled....
    it does not become bar-b-que until you put the sauce to it....lol
  18. Jayway

    Jayway Monkey+

    After reading all that - I SOOO wanna live in the SOUTH - -
  19. UGRev

    UGRev Get on with it!

    bacon and shrimp.. tasty!! and I agree with the rest of your points (except strawberry soda..blech! ;) ). We have it the same way here, no bbq sauce=grillin or cookin out.
  20. Disciple

    Disciple Monkey+

    In the south I got hooked on of all things Rc Cola and MOON PIES...........................
    still love that combo today.........I love the varsity in Hotlanta.....I have strolled down peachtree........spent some time living in Tuscaloosa,Ala........ROLL TIDE ROLL..
    ................................lived for a bit in Paducah Ky, where almost every weekend I'd drive to Nashville for some real good music (opry)............I've had dinner with Willie,Waylon and the Boys.......drank some Moonshine with Hank Jr.........Threw rocks at wynonna Judd (when we were both kids).........Seen Mr.Tubb at the record shop perform walking the floor over you.......and cut a rug to Carl Perkins Live........
    Walked the streets of memphis, Seen Graceland in all its glory,ate pulled pork sandwiches with B.B.King at his place on Beale street on the 4th July, Drank till I was Puken at Legends also.............................been hog huntin in Arkansas,where I killed me Three........and down to louisiana where I roamed the streets of the Quarter and had a sighting of general Jackson at Jackson square..........It twas an early september morn somewhere towards 3 when the once great general came to visit me.

    No, I'm not blessed enough to have been born in the south, But It's apart of Me,
    To that I shall leave you no doubt.
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