Yard Work..

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Jun 22, 2007.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    almost not funny.... ;-)

    (overheard in a conversation between God and St. Francis):

    God: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the
    world is going on down there in the U.S.? What happened to the
    dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago?
    I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow
    in any type of soil, withstand drought, and multiply with
    abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
    butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to
    see a vast garden of color by now. All I see are patches of

    St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are
    called the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers
    "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them
    with grass.

    God: Grass? But it is so boring, it's not colorful. It doesn't
    attract butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms.
    It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites
    really want grass growing there?

    St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a
    little, they cut it....sometimes two times a week.

    God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?

    St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put
    it in bags.

    God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

    St. Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it

    God: Now let me get this straight...they fertilize it to make it
    grow and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it

    St. Francis: Yes, sir.

    God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we
    cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows
    the growth and saves them a lot of work.

    St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the
    grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more
    money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get
    rid of it.

    God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees.
    That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.
    The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade
    in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a
    natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the
    trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves become compost
    to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

    St. Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves
    fall, the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to
    have them hauled away.

    God: No way! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree
    roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

    St Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy
    something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around
    in place of the leaves.

    God: And where do they get this mulch?

    St. Francis: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make

    God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.
    Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have
    you scheduled for us tonight?

    St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid
    movie about....

    God: Never mind--I think I just heard the whole story from Saint
  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    True story.
  3. kckndrgn

    kckndrgn Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Man so funny, but so TRUE!

  4. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    Good one.
  5. AlterEgo

    AlterEgo Monkey+++

    It's been a long day.......Thank you CRC!

  6. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Trying to make life a little easier...One smile at a time... [winkthumb]

    You're welcome AE....
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