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You Might be a Gun Nut ..

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Feb 17, 2007.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    If you consider the money you lose on your frequent trades as "entertainment money", then you might be a gun nut.

    If you purchase a second (___insert Make/model here___) pistol just because it has night sights, then you might be a gun nut.

    If you suggest your company picnic should be held at the local range instead of the country club, then you might be a gun nut.

    If you have dog named after a firearm or firearm company, then you might be a gun nut.

    If you have a separate safe for your pre-ban magazines, then you might be a gun nut.

    If you decline a date because you plan on reloading next Friday night, you might be a gun nut.

    If you go to the range just to hang out, you might be a gun nut.

    If you have a stockpile of rifle cases and gun rugs "because you never can have too many of these", you might be a gun nut.

    If you keep a framed picture of John Garand on the mantelpiece.

    If you forget birthdays and anniversaries but remember the production figures for the pre-64 Model 70 Winchester

    If 30.06 or 8X57 to you is just as appealing as 36-32-34.

    If you spend three nights up till 2AM in a row trying to get the finish on that stock just right.

    If you drive over fifty miles to buy anything gun related.

    If you experience the signs of loss and grief whenever you trade a gun away.

    If you buy a gun at a shop only to find out you used to own it a couple of years ago.

    If you buy a gun you know is cheaply made and won't work well out of the box because all the guns you have work too well and you don't have anything to play with....

    You might be a gun nut if you: Bought 10 pallets of ammo cans to sell at gun shows and kept 9 of them to store your ammo.

    It takes you several minutes leafing through Small Arms of the World to find a gun you have never fired.

    You have a callus on your shoulder.

    You've ever sent a scope (that was never dropped) back to Leupold for repair.

    Factories ask *you* how well their guns hold up.

    Hornady's largest midwestern distributor informs you that you've bought over half of all the Vector ammo they've ever had in stock.

    Your standard Sunday-afternoon question to guys selling surplus ammo at gun shows is "How much for all of it, so you don't have to lug it home?"

    You shoot enough Berdan-primed ammo that you are on a first-name basis with your local scrap metal dealer.

    You are on a first-name basis with every major tire shop owner within a 25-mile radius.

    Upon seeing your 1978 wildcatting project (a .375 on a .50 Sharps 3 1/4" case, 3340 FPS with a 300 Sierra boattail), Elmer Keith says "You're nuts!"
    Keith Francis (at JGS, the chambering reamer company), answers your phone calls "What have you dreamed up *this* time?"

    If you make $30 per hour at work, but spend 30 minutes on your knees at the range looking for that last piece of 40 S&W brass. :)

    You could identify on sight all rifle bolt-faces as in - "that's a Ruger, that's a Savage, that's a WInchester .."

    If the largest gun store in your area *calls* you if they need something they can't get elsewhere.

    If, when buying a new gun, you plead with your gun shop to keep it until you have space for it.

    If you build a gun rack in your bedroom and it's closer to you than your wife.

    If you can identify gunshots from faraway as to caliber, whether from a rifle or pistol, brand of gun, grains of powder used, *what* powder and at what speed !

    If you get a flat and realize that you've got 400 pounds of shot, a Hefty bag each of wads and empty hulls, and enough primers to re-open the main shaft of the Lost Dutchman on top of your spare tire.

    If you consider concealed carry every time you shop for clothes.

    If you take a dolly or hand truck with you to gun shows.

    If you buy a gun safe much larger than you think you'll ever need and still fill it up.

    If you need a second gun safe.

    If you need yet another safe for all of the ammunition ...

    If you have to structurally reinforce your house due to this hobby

    If you think there is some special significance when you glance at a clock and it shows 3:08, 3:57, 2:23, etc., no matter how many times you see it...

    If you use a spot on the windshield as a targeting sight on that asshole driver in front of you.....

    If you start wondering if you should spread out your ammo boxes a bit, to more evenly distribute the weight on the floor...

    If you start eyeing the floor space around your gun vault wondering if you could fit another one there along side it...

    Your telephone number is: 223-2250 or 308-3006 or 303-3040 or some other combination of three + four digit calibers.

    If you buy some checkering tools, checker all your gunstocks, and then start in on the bedposts....I practiced on the bedposts first, before I did the guns, would this count? ;-)

    If you've ever turned down sex with your wife (or anyone elses) just to go shooting instead, you might be a gun nut.

    When you hear "Winchester Catherdral", you think of the "church of shooting".

    If you have a magazine loader on your key ring, you just might be a gun nut.

    If you visit a friends private range 150 miles away more often then 3/4 the local members, you just might be a gun nut.

    If you approach total strangers and ask if they're going to keep their brass, you just might be a gun nut.

    If friends and family ask what you want for Christmas "Other than gun stuff." You just might be a gun nut.

    If you've ever run out of film photographing your guns for insurance purposes , you just might be a gun nut.

    If you've ever photographed your entire gun collection, but "insurance purposes" never entered your mind, you just might be a gun nut.

    If you try taking one big 'family photo' of your gun collection, but just can't fit them all in one frame, you just might be a gun nut.

    You just buy a type of gun (say a Win Mod. 70) you love the rifle and go out and buy every Mod 70 but in different calbers. Which can lead to below.
    You fall in love with a caliber (say 243) and go a buy every different manufactured rifle in that caliber. which can lead to the above.
    OR. you buy a Thompson Contender (or new equivalent) and then the barrels come in the mail once a week for ........................................years.
    If you tell your wife that you happened to talk to your friend the gun dealer and she says "Oh Lord, what did you buy this time?"

    If you own more than two loading presses.

    If you buy a gun because you haven't bought one in a while.

    If your non-handloading friends bring you their empty brass instead of throwing it away.

    If you spend over $5000. building a shop for handloading and working on guns.

    If you have a library filled with back issues of American Rifleman,
    Handloader, and Gun Report magazines, and you bought a computer to index them on.

    If all your computer passwords are firearms related, you just might be a gun nut.

    If you gave your daughter a brick of .22s for Christmas, you just might be a gun nut.

    If you have three guns in the same model and caliber, your ust might be a gun nut.

    If your answer to the recent thread, "How many guns do you need?" is, "How many do you have room for in your house?" -- especially if your personal weakness happens to be pocket pistols....

    You do all metric-to-english unit conversions starting with the phrase, "Well...thirty calibre is .308 inches and 7.62mm, so..." (especially if you are trying to work around to gallons-to-litres!)

    You've ever risked your life for that one piece of brass that landed just a little too far beyond the firing line.

    You've ever carried your toiletries into a hotel in New York City contained in a .50 cal ammo can! (Don't laugh...BT, DT!)

    You've ever slept more than five minutes while lying strapped to your rifle in prone position, waiting for the "commence fire" command.

    Your alarm clock actually screams, "Ready on the RIGHT!...Ready on the LEFT!...Ready on the FIRING LINE!...LOAD!...COMMENCE FIRE!"

    You've ever tried to quote the ingredients list off a bottle of Action Scrubber to your eye doctor while explaining why your contact lens melted!

    You have written your Congressman demanding John M. Browning's (Sam Colt, Oliver Winchester) birthday be made a national holiday.

    You do not have to give your name when calling the order desk at GUN PARTS(Brownells, Dillon, etc) and the person on the other end of the line asks about your family.

    Your personalized license plates read COLT AUTO, FNFAL, M1911A1, M2HB, 762 51, or GLOCK.

    You might be a gun nut if ...your reloading bench is made of better wood than your bedroom set.

    If you make all combinations to locks into things like 223, 357, 380, 308, 243, etc.

    You practice your draw when walking along a path at work and scare someone (unarmed - like air guitar)

    You take out your ammo and arrange different rounds in a pretty little row.

    You are really nuts when you ask your teenage daughter to look at it, so you can explain stopping power to her. (She said - I love you my nusto daddy - but no thanks).

    If you bought a Russian SKS so you could shoot DCM matches and qualify for an M1 Garand, you just might be ...

    If you qualified as an NRA instructor so you could claim any new gun you bought was "for my teaching set," you just might be ...

    If you have a drawer full of holsters that weren't quite right (don't we all?), you just might be ...

    You just might be a gun nut if you start feeling uneasy if you have fewer than 500 rounds on hand for your favorite shooter.

    You just might be a gun nut if there are odd rifle parts on your night stand, right next to the alarm clock and lens case!

    You just might be a gun nut if the post office calls you when your latest issue of Shotgun News arrives!

    You just might be a gun nut, when you look at a beautiful sun-set, and all you can think about is how much sight adjustment you'd have to make in the fluky light!

    You just might be a gun nut, when your idea of the perfect vacation is two bug-filled weeks at Camp Perry!

    You just might be a gun nut, when the ground cover your kids use on over-night backyard camp outs, is your old shooting mat!

    You just might be a gun nut if the 3 year-old's favorite toys are scrap brass from the reloading bench.

    You just might be a gun nut when your littlest son cheers and yells "DEER MEAT" when Bambi's mother gets shot!

    You just might be a gun nut when your kids know which fast food joints are closest to which range/gunshop!

    You just might be a gun nut when you give travel directions to people, using gunshops/ranges as reference points.

    You just might be a gun nut, if, when you load the kids in the van, you hollar "Does everyone have earmuffs!", rather than "Put your seatbelts on!"!

    You just might be a gun nut when you measure the passage of seasons by which rifle you're loading for! (target rifle in spring, hunting rifle in fall, etc.)

    You just might be a gun nut, when you always get dirty looks from the UPS man, because every package that he brings to your house is either overly long or very heavy!

    You can't remember the plot of the last movie you saw, but you can name the model, caliber and finish of every firearm in the movie.

    You reflexively count the number of shots fired by every weapon in the film, then gripe to your friends when the actors exceed the magazine capacities.

    Your friends refuse to see ANY films containing firearms with you.

    You use a .32-20 casing for a pen cap.

    If you can spot spent brass at 50 paces....

    If you pick up brass in calibers you don't shoot, just in case, ...

    If your e-mail address ends in @KaBoom.org ....

    If you had to have a ammo depot built in your back yard just to hold your extras ....

    If you replaced your wife's walk in closet w/a walk in gun safe ...

    If your Laz-E-Boy doubles as your handgun safe ...

    ...if your lottery picks are all calibers, like 3-5-7-22-38-44

    Everytime you decide to sell leftover parts from your Garand restoration projects, prices at the GunShow and even at the DCM are affected.
    Years ago, when someone said they were going to listen to some 45's, my first thought was that they were going to the pistol range......

    You're a gun nut if you bought 5000 5.56 bullet heads because you are afraid that the ban will go through and you'll have to shoot softpoints through your AR.

    Your a gun nut if the smell of 30 year old cosmoline atteracts you like perfume.

    There's so many gun cases under the bed that the springs no longer sag.

    You shout out gun names makes and calibers during every movie you go and see.

    Every time you see a structure you wonder what kind of penetration your favorite round will have on it.

    You keep leaving home with the empty gun case, while telling your wife that you are taking that one gun to be fixed, and returning with a full gun case.

    When someone talks about 12 guage steel, you wonder if it has anything in common with the term reguarding shotguns.

    When you keep bragging about enough guns to take over a small third world country.

    All your shirts say things like HK, Colt Mossberg, and all your hats have names of ammunition manufacturers.

    You'd trade in your car for a Beta C-Mag.

    You keep quoting jeff cooper , while at work, especially if you are a priest.

    Your pistol permit reads like a shopping list.

    You get blisters on your fingers from loading magazines.

    Your legacy to the world will be the unbelievable ".17-50BMG-(insert your name here)-Improved!"

    You've ever gotten naked from the waist down at the reloading/cleaning bench because of a tipped bottle of #9!

    You've ever shot offhand through a thunderstorm while standing in water...because the other 150 members of your relay kept going until the targets washed out.

    When you get ready for bed, you're still picking grains of H335 out of your hair, toothbrush, underwear...

    You've ever bragged about the size of the groups your semi-auto throws with its empty brass.

    You notice that every time you look at a digital clock it reads 1:17, 2:19, 2:20, 2:22, 2:23, 2:43, 2:57, 3:03, 3:08, 3:57, 4:04, 4:16, 4:44, 4:58, 5:56 or any of about fifty-odd calibres you instantly recognize. (This one is sort of a trick... :) )

    If the fact that you happened to look at the clock at of one of these times means it's SHOOTIN' TIME! :)

    In order to fully put your trust in the riot shotgun you bought to lean behind the door you feel you have to put it through it's paces by taking it duck hunting. AND, you destroyed your wife's favorite mop-handle to make a plug for the magazine!

    After realizing that you DO own one of every calibre, you find that you should have at least TWO of each so that they can "share ammo." This explains how you consider your Anschutz 2013 and your Mitchell AK-22 to be "Companion Guns." And your Churchill side-by-side .410 with the fancy English walnut stock to be a companion to your "Thunder 5" revolver! An your Barret .50 BMG to be the companion to your Desert Eagle .50AE...(You really do have an explanation, right?) :)

    You might be a gun nut if _you_ call your local store to tell _them_ where they can get a hard-to-find item, and then they piggyback their small order onto your larger one. (Don't ask me how I know this. Please. :)

    If Federal sends you Christmas cards and the wife Flowers on your Anniversiary, you might be a gunnut.

    If Sierra goes on double shifts when you place your order, you might be a gunnut.

    When in church, after the collection plate is passed, the usher has to pick out .22 shells you had mixed in with your change, you might be a gunnut.
    If your primary cubicle decoration at work is your best target groups, you might be a gunnut.

    If you've removed your HOOTERS calendar and replaced it with a Remington, you might be a gunnut.

    If your Fajen stock displaced a spotted owl from it's home, you might be a gunnut.

    If you go to a gun show and contemplate buying a particular gun for a half an hour before you remember you already have that one....

    If you buy a gun that is a duplicate of one you already have because the original one might break someday....

    If you have more .50 cal ammo cans than the U.S. government....

    If you have to run out to the range this weekend to shoot up some ammo because you need some brass to reload...

    If you ever bought two brands of the same weight and type of bullet, just to see if one "shot better"...

    If you ever had to explain " its not the SAME gun, its a different VARIANT"...

    If you read the sports section, just for the gun ads...

    if you have ever had your local store call your house and ask " We are doing a stock order, did you need anything??"

    if you have an inverted milk jug mounted on your reloader because you need the extra powder capacity, you might be a gun nut.

    If you're cleaning out your car because you're about to sell it, and find a case of .38 Special you bought a year and a half ago and forgot about, you might just be a gun nut.

    If you not only buy ammo for a gun you don't have, but might get some day, and buy reloading dies for it also, you might just be a gun nut.

    If you buy high cap mags for a gun you have not bought yet?

    A friend knows you reload and gives you a set of dies of a caliber you do not already have...so you go out and buy a gun so you can use the FREE dies.

    If your range time seems a lot like the male equivalent of tupperware parties and you end up wanting to buy another gun.
    "May I try that AR-15?"
    "Please, be my guest. May I try your Remington 700?" ​
    "But of course."
    "Would you please pass the .308 ammo?" ​
    "Thank you."
  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    :lol: [LMAO]

    [notfunny] I've said that.
  3. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Well, they dont all apply so I guess that means its not definate yet. lol

    .....That did remind me though, I do need to rebuild and reinforce my gun closet since the floor/bottom shelf of it collapsed under the weight. lol
  4. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    that why you should ask for visitation rights [touchdown]
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