Your Best Non-Swearing Insult

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Ganado, Feb 2, 2017.

  1. Ganado

    Ganado Monkey+++


    my personal favority
    I hope your finger pokes thru the toilet paper
  2. Dunerunner

    Dunerunner Brewery Monkey Moderator

    My favorite...

    You're not as stupid as you look! You couldn't be!!
  3. Olympic mountain man

    Olympic mountain man just a lonely cook

    wow you look like clinton
  4. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    I keep hearing the robotic voice-over: "Danger"...."Danger"....."Danger, Will Robinson" I'll just abstain from offering my best non-swearing insult: There are so many good ones to choose from.
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2017
  5. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    I try not to insult anyone but when I do, I don't mind swearing, or choking either, for that matter.
  6. Mountain mama

    Mountain mama Monkey++

    I don't give a flying Fig Newton!
  7. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    I think I'd kinda like to see a Fig Newton flying... ;)

    Homemade Fig Newtons Recipe

    I believe they have a mild laxative effect. :D
  8. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    Are you male, female, or it today?
  9. VisuTrac

    VisuTrac Ваша мать носит военные ботинки Site Supporter+++

    I'm not saying I won't help you. But if you caught on fire, I'd put it out with a bike chain.
  10. Idahoser

    Idahoser Monkey+++ Founding Member

    I realize this will come as a shock, but you just don't matter that much.
  11. Altoidfishfins

    Altoidfishfins Monkey+++ Site Supporter+

    You're like mind over matter.
    I don't mind a thing that you say about me, because you don't matter.
  12. ditch witch

    ditch witch I do stupid crap, so you don't have to

    Don't you have some traffic to be playing in?
  13. DarkLight

    DarkLight Live Long and Prosper - On Hiatus

    How are you not already dead?

    Did your parents have any children that lived?

    Oh, well bless your heart.

    Leave me alone or I will replace you with a very short shell script.

    I'd love to agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

    It is not advisable to venture unsolicited opinions. You should spare yourself the embarrassing discovery of their exact value to your listener. (This from Atlas Shrugged)
  14. DarkLight

    DarkLight Live Long and Prosper - On Hiatus

    You, are an oxygen thief.

    When, exactly, was the last time you didn't suck?

    Well aren't you just three kinds of stupid. (statement, not really a question)

    Double ugly and twice as dumb.

    If it weren't for bad taste, you wouldn't have any at all.

    Well, you can always be used as a bad example.

    And one of my all-time favorites (from The Princess Bride)
    It's possible...pig.
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2017
  15. stg58

    stg58 Monkey+++ Founding Member

    In person a short pause then with a half smile ...have a great day as I walk away never giving them anything ...

    I have in my back pocket..Sadly this was a battle of wits and you arrived unarmed..
  16. DKR

    DKR Raconteur of the first stripe

    Have a nice day - just have it somewhere else


    Have a nice day - just don't have it around me....

    Yeah. It's mind over matter.
    I don't mind and you don't matter...
  17. DarkLight

    DarkLight Live Long and Prosper - On Hiatus

    Interestingly enough, I don't recall asking for your opinion, or even implying that it mattered to me in the slightest.
  18. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    I like you..... that is, I like you when you are gone.
  19. Sgt Nambu

    Sgt Nambu RIP 4/19/2018

    Wow, you don't sweat much for a fat girl!

    (Insert Name)s underwear don smell that bad!

    You look like the receptionist at an Appalachian insest wedding!
    Caveman Jim and UncleMorgan like this.
  20. UncleMorgan

    UncleMorgan I like peeling bananas and (occasionally) people.

    You should probably quit picking your nose. Your head is starting to cave in.
    And eating all those boogers does not make your breath smell minty fresh, although it is somewhat entertaining.
    Were your teeth always that color?
    Perhaps you should shamble back to your wretched hovel and gape mindlessly at the flies for a while.
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