Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Ganado, Feb 2, 2017.
my personal favority
I hope your finger pokes thru the toilet paper
You're not as stupid as you look! You couldn't be!!
wow you look like clinton
I keep hearing the robotic voice-over: "Danger"...."Danger"....."Danger, Will Robinson"....so I'll just abstain from offering my best non-swearing insult: There are so many good ones to choose from.
I try not to insult anyone but when I do, I don't mind swearing, or choking either, for that matter.
I don't give a flying Fig Newton!
I think I'd kinda like to see a Fig Newton flying...
Homemade Fig Newtons Recipe
I believe they have a mild laxative effect.
Are you male, female, or it today?
I'm not saying I won't help you. But if you caught on fire, I'd put it out with a bike chain.
I realize this will come as a shock, but you just don't matter that much.
You're like mind over matter.
I don't mind a thing that you say about me, because you don't matter.
Don't you have some traffic to be playing in?
How are you not already dead?
Did your parents have any children that lived?
Oh, well bless your heart.
Leave me alone or I will replace you with a very short shell script.
I'd love to agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
It is not advisable to venture unsolicited opinions. You should spare yourself the embarrassing discovery of their exact value to your listener. (This from Atlas Shrugged)
You, are an oxygen thief.
When, exactly, was the last time you didn't suck?
Well aren't you just three kinds of stupid. (statement, not really a question)
Double ugly and twice as dumb.
If it weren't for bad taste, you wouldn't have any at all.
Well, you can always be used as a bad example.
And one of my all-time favorites (from The Princess Bride)
In person a short pause then with a half smile ...have a great day as I walk away never giving them anything ...
I have in my back pocket..Sadly this was a battle of wits and you arrived unarmed..
Have a nice day - just have it somewhere else
Have a nice day - just don't have it around me....
Yeah. It's mind over matter.
I don't mind and you don't matter...
Interestingly enough, I don't recall asking for your opinion, or even implying that it mattered to me in the slightest.
I like you..... that is, I like you when you are gone.
Wow, you don't sweat much for a fat girl!
(Insert Name)s underwear don smell that bad!
You look like the receptionist at an Appalachian insest wedding!
You should probably quit picking your nose. Your head is starting to cave in.
And eating all those boogers does not make your breath smell minty fresh, although it is somewhat entertaining.
Were your teeth always that color?
Perhaps you should shamble back to your wretched hovel and gape mindlessly at the flies for a while.
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I...
Well we're never one to pass up a social media trend so: You've heard of Elf on the Shelf, but have you heard of. ...
Remember those hilarious Road Runner Cartoons?
I don't typically read comics, at least since I was a youth, but ran across Powerhouse Pepper by accident a few days ago. I took a look and I...
How to make a Man Bun
Grow your hair out to at least 9–16 inches (23–41 cm). ...
Pull your hair back and bunch it up towards the crown of your...
Remember the principles of camouflage and concealment ladies...Shape, shine, spacing, surface, colour, silhouette, shadows......and movement...
New tips, secrets, and strategies will be posted frequently, so check back often to stay up to date!!!
The first secret is to pick a really,...
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for...
Eat your hearts out..... ohnoohno
Got an email today from!!!!
"Audit/Probe Panel Committee... the African Court of Human and People's Rights"...
This looks like satire, but it's hard to tell these days.
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
I was the guy wearing the black...
The “Coyote Principle.” #California
“The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the...
Donald's minions are not doing him any great favors....they are just making a coconut shy of their boss, instead of being his policy heralds....
Them is the facts...... a dangerous woman for sure, I should know. ;)
The Viking blood has not been diluted very much since we stopped our International Shopping Junkets a thousand or so years ago.
Separate names with a comma.