Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Witch Doctor 01, Dec 2, 2010.

  1. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

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    1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

    2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.

    3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste... and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.

    4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it..

    5. If it snows while you're out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house.. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.

    6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set. That makes it too easy.

    7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom - and your jewelry. It's not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.

    8. It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door - understandable. But understand this: I don't take a day off because of bad weather.

    9. I always knock first. If you answer, I'll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don't take me up on it.)
    10. Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.

    11. Here's a helpful hint: I almost never go into kids' rooms.

    12. You're right: I won't have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it's not bolted down, I'll take it with me.

    13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. If you're reluctant to leave your TV on while you're out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at


    1. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.

    2. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.

    3. I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he'll stop what he's doing and wait to hear it again. If he doesn't hear it again, he'll just go back to what he was doing. It's human nature.

    4. I'm not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?

    5. I love looking in your windows. I'm looking for signs that you're home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I'd like. I'll drive or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets.

    6. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It's easier than you think to look up your address.

    7. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it's an invitation.

    8. If you don't answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.
  2. RightHand

    RightHand Been There, Done That RIP 4/15/21 Moderator Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

  3. -06

    -06 Monkey+++

    Smokey tells me that @90% of robberies/break ins are by people you know and that know your schedule/habits. Three times our break ins have been while we were at church. The others were when we were working. We now have two camera systems. Smokey will not get called the next time we get hit. Buford Purser showed us how to deal with crooks the proper way.
  4. Brokor

    Brokor Live Free or Cry Moderator Site Supporter+++ Founding Member

    After having worked for ADT a few years ago, I learned that deterrence is too often overlooked and it is the easiest way to assist in preventing most break-in attempts. Granted, if somebody knows you and really wants in bad enough, short of physically being there probably won't keep them away. Security stickers *could* help, but remember that some thieves know a fake company when they see one. Sound locks and deadbolts help, but rear entrances should be well lighted, have motion sensor lighting, and it's always nice to add your own touch. I have my most recent gun range target posted on my back screen door for example. Don't buy the fake, dummy cameras -they look fake most times. Buy the real thing if you are serious about security. Remember that deterrence is not foolproof. It will drastically reduce your chances of a break in however. Most burglars will simply move on to easier pickings.

    Dogs rule.

    And, the part mentioned before about motion sensors is important. Try to place one in a central area that will receive traffic no matter where a burglar may break in, but also be aware of the equipment limitations and large windows, which can cause false trips.
  5. TnAndy

    TnAndy Senior Member Founding Member

    And if you live back from the road, for heavens sake: HAVE A GATE YOU CLOSE.

    I'm amazed at the number of houses that crooks can drive up to or around back, and you can't even see their car because there are no close neighbors.

    We used to get all kinds of cars that would drive up our driveway until I started following my own advice "got gate ? Use gate !" Now we only get the occasional REALLY determined walker.

    For example, yesterday, Power Co sent crew out to change us to the new "smart" meters. Well, they have the gate code, but couldn't get it because their own computer was down (ahahahaa), so they parked at the gate, and 3 of them (yeah.....it takes 3 guys to change 2 meters) come walking up the driveway. They got past the first driveway detector, because it's made to pick up a mass of metal like a vehicle.....but the second one is a motion detector, which sounded off. Usually, it's my dogs or deer, but I look out anyway, and see these 3 guys walking up the drive. Grab shotgun, hop on 4 wheeler and go down to meet them.
  6. VHestin

    VHestin Farm Chick

    We had a problem with people breaking into our place while we were out. But they never took anything as far as we know, which creeped me out more. One time they slashed mom's feather quilt, 'nother time they trashed my room. Reporting it to the police was a waste of time. What finally stopped them was our new neighbors fencing off a large area for their horse, and that area was apparently how they were getting to our place. We thought leaving our 3 dogs(small, medium, and large size) inside and our geese outside at home was enough protection, but apparently not. We know they beat our dogs which pissed me off more than anything. I remember exactly one week after the first time we realized someone had been in our house, I was home alone making homemade potato chips, and I was staring at the bubbles in the oil, and thinking "OK I have PMS and boiling oil...God forbid someone break in now when it's convient for me..."
  7. Maxflax

    Maxflax Lightning in a bottle

    "I really hate your Rottweilers" maddd

    Just try beating a Rottie..
  8. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

  9. Clatonious

    Clatonious Monkey+

    Also, bear in mind with today's highpower cordless tools many defenses of yesterday have become a mere annoyance to the thief's final goal.
  10. 230HB

    230HB Monkey+

    Good thread... even though most of these deterrents might be know to us, a refresher course in them all is well worth it.
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