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feeling alone when your other half thinks your crazy!

Discussion in 'General Survival and Preparedness' started by sunshine, Oct 30, 2010.

  1. sunshine

    sunshine Monkey+

    I need some advice..Does any one's spouse out there think your crazy? I feel like the rest of you on this forum.. something terrible is going to happen in our lifetime but my spouse is in denial. He thinks I'm crazy to consider buying a generator. I also want to stock up on food. Our freezer is full but I like to cook anyway but stock canned stuff. He doesnt agree. I feel alone & I dont know where to start. How do you talk to someone that thinks your paranoid? I feel like I might be understood here but I would appreciate some help.
  2. tacmotusn

    tacmotusn Mosquito Sailor

    I wish you luck. Some people just can't be convinced. What does it hurt to be prepared however? Get a copy of "Patriots" by John W. Rawles, and get him to actually read it. Subscribe to "Backwoods Home Magazine" and leave copies in the bathroom or next to his lazyboy recliner. Continue to stockpile for the worst a little at a time without his knowledge if possible. Good Luck.
  3. bnmb

    bnmb On Hiatus Banned

    Welcome to the club...Your initial question is wrong...It should be: Does any one's spouse out there think your NOT crazy?... ;)
  4. bnmb

    bnmb On Hiatus Banned

    OK...Let's get serious...Tell him the following facts...Google and show...
    1. In the next 2-3 years, Sun is entering peak phase and possibilities for huge EMP are real threat. If we are hit with solar EMP, we're back in middle ages...no power for years, decades even, no water in the cities, badly ill people in hospitals who need devices to keep them alive will die, planes in the air fall down, etc...no more civilization.
    2. All over the planet sudden increase of all kinds of stuff...quakes, volcanoes, tsunamis, weird weather, etc...who knows what else is lurking out there.
    3. If he helps you prepare, you loose nothing. Storing food is not loss, you can always eat it.
    4. No help, no seexx!...that always works!
  5. sunshine

    sunshine Monkey+

    thanks Bane.. why didnt I think of that! :)
  6. BadgeBunny

    BadgeBunny Monkey+

    LOL ... the hubby doesn't think I am crazy ... he knows it!! :D However it is not because we prep. It sounds like your other half is a lot like I used to be.

    That is before the ice storm where we went for a week without power and the only thing that saved us was the generator my hubby traded a rifle for and I bitched about for a year that all it did was take up space, make noise -- he runs it once every six weeks or so to keep it lubed up -- and smell ...

    Now, I am in so deep he is kinda freaked out a little.

    I can tell you what worked for him. Keep doing what you are doing. Listen and nod intently when your beloved does his "interventions" and he will. Whatever you pick up in bulk just tell him you got a hellava deal ... "It was on clearance" will now be your mantra ...

    I'll see if I can remember some of the other things he did that, looking back now, were blatant moves to make us more self-sufficient but he just poo-pawed them off and I let him.

    It is much, much easier to get what you need to make yourself feel safer and more comfortable by being non-confrontational about it. Just smile, nod and then "distract" him ... if you get my drift ... [CRC]

    Eventually he will see the light and thank you!!

    ETA: LOL I see Bane is telling you "no seeexxxxx" and I am telling you just the opposite!! What a hoot!!
  7. RightHand

    RightHand Pioneer in a New World Moderator Founding Member

    You can always approach the subject as a guard against inflation. By getting good buys now, you are hedging against inflated prices in the coming year. The importance of financial management is part of being prepared so use that in your argument. If you have children, you can explain that as a mother, your first and primary concern is the continued safety of your children. You can ask his to just humor you as you do what you think is necessary to protect them. Being prepared is more than expecting a disaster - it being ready for the power outages that BadgeBunny mentioned, prepared for family illness that would prevent you from leaving the house for supplies, prepared for the possibility of unemployment when funds for your supplies may be limited. I think that if you quietly continue on your path, he will begin to see it as normal and, heaven forbid, if events occur that require the use of your preps, he will be proud of your foresight.

    As a disclaimer, I have to admit that I was never good at placating a spouse. I don't suffer fools lightly and I have, therefore, been unmarried for the past 30 years so taking my advice on a marital relationship might not be the wisest thing to do !!!!!
  8. bnmb

    bnmb On Hiatus Banned

    It's not same if your spouse prevents you from prepping because of money or unnecessary expenses, as he sees them, and preventing you because he thinks you're nuts! If he thinks you're nuts, all the talk about caring for kids safety or distractions won't work, because you're crazy and everything will be dandy for another million years.
    The only way would be to prove that you have real reasons for concern, that you're not crazy and that something bad could happen even in the promised land and turn american dream into american, or even global nightmare! Unless he starts taking you seriously, not much you can do...with men is different thing...my wife can't tell me I'm crazy because I'd slap her silly! I don't call her crazy, so she knows how far she can go... :D
    She can't stop me from buying what I think we need since my salary is 7 times higher than hers... :D
    Since I started showing her stuff on the net, she's starting to see the light now...her swelling is coming down... :D
    No, seriously...if after showing him all the crapola happening on the planet, he still thinks you're nuts, maybe you should send him to the psychiatrist, or give him the most naive individual award...only blind or stupid doesn't see that something's brewing..and it ain't beer!
  9. UGRev

    UGRev Get on with it!

    My wife tolerates it. She thinks I'm a little batty, but I put it to her this way. When I was a kid, my grandparents canned their produce from the garden they had. I told her this was simply my way of doing the same thing without the canning or garden. Now, the other stuff like the hardware/gear etc.. well.. not so much. But I've shown her just how useful some of that stuff is and she asks me "Hey, where's that thingy you bought for your bunker", and we laugh together, we give each other grief and I give her the item she was inquiring about.
  10. bnmb

    bnmb On Hiatus Banned

  11. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    Climbing Mt Survival with a partner

    Hi Sunshine, you are not alone and you certainly don’t seem paranoid. Having a spouse that doesn’t share your vision, or concerns is not unusual, particularly when their perception of the world that you both share are different to yours. The sort of self-denial that your spouse seems to be experiencing often cripples the decision making ability of people who are faced with credible possibilities that are too confronting and too distressing to even contemplate. Such thinking resulted in the tragic deaths of many Jewish people during the rise of Hitler to power in Germany during the 1930’s. Many had the opportunity of fleeing Germany before it was too late, and the survivors who made prudent decisions did so, in many cases even at the expense of all their financial wealth. Those that acted early survived….those who ignored the warning signs, and stayed, thinking that the unthinkable could never happen, would never happen….mostly died.

    You are well on the way to developing a survival mindset…just realising that there are credible risks to your family’s (financial, sustenance, physical) security is an important achievement in moving towards self-sustainability and self-sufficiency. How to encourage your spouse along that journey will be a challenge, but not necessarily an insurmountable one.
    <FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com[​IMG]I do not have a great number of suggestions how you may persuade your spouse, but if you will, consider persuasion as a method in the following analogy.

    Imagine you have a goal that you feel is important to move towards…perhaps imagine that you are climbing a mountain…called….survival. How far will you travel together towards the summit if you use the rope to push with? How far will you get if you use the rope to pull with?? How far might you get if you use the rope to provide your climbing partner with security to help him to overcome his fears, inhibitions, objections and concerns…real or imaginary??

    Start your climb…solo if necessary, throw him a line to help him help you…it might be as thin as a piece of string….at least to begin with….if you throw him a ship’s hawser at the outset…he may become intimidated or may baulk at it with stubbornness…as the saying goes… “…softly softly catchy monkey..”

    With all due respect to Tacmotusn, I wouldn’t give your spouse a copy of “Patriots” by J.W.Rawles, at least not to begin with. Not that I intrinsically dislike the book, indeed, it does contain some very sensible and useful information, just that the book is heavily slanted to surviving “The End Of The World as We Know It”, and although it is a good read in the techno thriller genre of literature, the plot line at times hovers on the realms of Christian apocalyptic science fiction fantasy. Making your spouse read the book may tend to reinforce your spouse’s perceptions of paranoid thinking. Making your spouse read the book, would perhaps be a little bit like forcing your spouse to have an enema. The enema may be good for his health, and may purge him of negative thoughts about survival and prepping, but the process may be so disagreeable, that it may be more of a hindrance than a help.

    You may wish to explore every-day practical strategies for dealing with more immediately credible contingencies than TEOTWAWKI, in so doing…you will both be better off with dealing with TEOTWAWKI than you both were before you started prepping.

    Check out the following article at SurvivalBlog.com for some pointers.


    survivalpodcast.com is an excellent resource to help you on your journey up Mt Survival. Download some of the relevant episodes and play them…just listen to them. Don’t make it a secret, and don’t coerce him into listening…just do it while you are cooking, or doing some household chore, he then has the option of listening or not. The following are episodes that are relevant to your situation. Starting with……

    “…Episode-69- Getting your spouse on board with survival planning Wednesday, October 8th, 2010

    Show Synopsis

    <SCRIPT type=text/javascript><!--podPressShowHidePlayer('2', 'http://thesurvivalpodcast.com/wp-content/podcast/epi-00069-discussions-with-rel-spouses-ed.mp3', 290, 24, 'false', 'http://www.thesurvivalpodcast.com/wp-content/plugins/podpress//images/vpreview_center.png', 'Getting your spouse on board with survival planning', 'TheSurvivalPodcast');--></SCRIPT>Today’s show was created by quite a few, “how do I get my spouse” (or girlfriend, boyfriend, fiance) on board with preparing and doing what needs to be done in order to live that better life? Honestly that question has been asked by almost as many women as men, hence if you are on either side of the equasion then you are not alone. Rather then typical show notes I will simply provide my 21 rules discussed in today’s show and suggest that you not only use them in conversation but ask you spouse to take 40 minutes to listen to this episode and perhaps some others as well.

    The 21 Rules of Getting a Spouse On Board with Survival Planning and Prepping are.
    1. Demand or insist upon nothing.
    2. Ask for help where you are weak and your partner is strong.
    3. Demonstrate a command of the facts and threats, don’t alarm but inform.
    4. Arrive at all decisions as a team, at least if it is in anyway possible.
    5. Don’t put your “pet items” at the top of any proposed priority.
    6. Explain that this is for the good of the family.
    7. Focus on saving money and elimination of debt as step one.
    8. Explain the investment value of food and saving money, leave bullets and band aids for later.
    9. Talk about a “better life style” for less cost and why you want that for both or you.
    10. Discuss the future and not waiting until you are 65-80 to really spend time together.
    11. Do not get over excited; don’t dump too much at one time. Start with a simple vision and a few small steps.
    12. Make the discussion about “us” not you, not them but truly both of us.
    13. Don’t expect a perfect result and a totally on board agreement.
    14. Do have a single small step to suggest and ask if you can do it together.
    15. Try to get your spouse to suggest a second small step and embrace it and do it with them.
    16. Work on creating a common vision of a truly happy and sustainable life.
    17. Don’t focus on what you don’t mean (cammo, militia, communes, etc.) just answer concerns that are offered.
    18. Be positive about the future for your family, compare prepping to life insurance.
    19. Ask “what would we do if” and listen to the answers you get and discuss them.
    20. Talk a little, get them talking and listen as if your life depended on hearing every word, because it does.
    21. Share my show with them along with this particular podcast. …..”

    the following episodes may also be of interest. They are in listed in no particular order.

    Episode-123- There is No Downside to the Survival Lifestyle
    Episode-85 What if Nothing Goes Wrong
    Episode-73- The Patriot Garden the Last Defense Against Globalism
    Starting From Zero with Emergency Survival
    Episode-467- If the World Doesn’t End Won’t You Feel Stupid?
    Episode-421- How to Develop Your Personal Survival Plan
    Episode-531- Life On Your Own Terms
    <A href="http://www.thesurvivalpodcast.com/episode-506-why-we-<acronym title=" Preparedness?></ACRONYM>Episode-506- Why We <ACRONYM title=Preparedness>Prep</ACRONYM> – The Real Reasons
    Episode-503- The Goals of The Survival
    Episode-476- Building That Better Life
    Episode-474- Disaster Probability, Impact and Commonality
    Episode-457- Putting Your House Hold in Order
    Episode-450- The Bridge Between Self Reliance and Self Sufficiency
    Episode-430- The Core Concepts of Modern Survivalism
    Episode-356- Getting Started From Zero the How and Why
    Episode-319- Ten Principles of Modern Survivalism
    Episode-301- Self Sufficiency vs. Self Reliance
    Episode-298- Starting the Journey from Grasshopper to Ant
    Episode-280- Understanding the Mind of a Modern Survivalist
    Episode-279- The Foundational Principle of Modern Survivalism
    Episode-264- The Core Concepts of The Survival Podcast Community
    Episode-203- The 12 Permaculture Design Principles
    Episode-186- Life Long Lessons from the Garden
    <A href="http://www.thesurvivalpodcast.com/finding-the-time-to-<acronym title=" Preparedness?></ACRONYM>Episode-151- Finding The Time To <ACRONYM title=Preparedness>Prep</ACRONYM>
    Episode-85 What if Nothing Goes Wrong

    I agree with Tacmotusn’s suggestion that you continue to add to your prepping stockpile, but disagree with the idea of doing it without his knowledge. Don’t do this covertly or secretly, as it may tend to create distrust. Do any adding to the food stocks openly, but without making a big deal about it. If his objection is to storing a buffer of canned food, use canned food as a part of the diet, he will probably not baulk at an extra can here or there…by incorporating it in normal meals…being the creative cook that you seem to be, he probably won’t even know it, or will think it normal. I do this myself by rotating my canned food during normal meal preparation. A can of chick peas in a casserole here, and some tinned salmon in a salad there…will help. Just tell him that you are putting together what FEMA recommends as a minimum for emergency preparedness, and continue on from there.

    Many preps can be done on a minimal budget, even if necessary from your own discretionary money. I make use of thrift and charity shops for some things...not everything has to be brand new out of the box brand name stuff.

    I hope that you find these suggestions helpful. You may need to take the initiative and the leadership in the beginning, but if you can help him assume ownership of your family’s future security, then that would be the best possible outcome.

    Cheers from Chello
  12. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    I'm with BB rather than Bane.....a bee will be attracted more by honey than vinegar......

    "Oooh Honeyyy.....the sound of a purring generator is just...so...so erotic and arousing!!!...it just turns me on so much....."

    If it gets what he wants better than flowers....he just may find his way to buying that generator.....but do it in good humour....don't feel that you have to pimp yourself to get what you need. :D
  13. BadgeBunny

    BadgeBunny Monkey+

    We will ocassionally pimp around here but only when we are in trouble and we know it ... lol :D

    Marriage is a negotiation. Couples who are good at being married realize this and work together to make everybody involved at least moderately happy and content. DH and I do not see eye to eye on very many things in this world, but the one thing we DO see eye to eye on is that life is too short to be miserable ... so ...

    Sometimes he gets what he wants ... sometimes I get what I want ... and sometimes we both want the same thing (and that's when it gets really, really expensive ... [peep]) :D

    Oh ... I remembered something else that rat b&#*(d used to do ... :D He would stash stuff ... Use his "mad" money for the month on something and then hide it from me ... Once I got "into" prepping and started looking for places to put my booty I found that all the places I thought were "free space" -- like under the beds -- was already taken ... the toad ... Lord, who knew you could put so much ammo and so many MREs under one bed??

    That's okay ... I simply emptied out a spare bedroom and lined the walls with shelving and filled them up ... That'll show him!! LOL
  14. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    Something you may wish to consider, even if just for your own information, is to calculate the total replacement value in $$$ of the food items in your refrigerator and freezer, and work out what the loss would mean to you, your spouse and family if there is a lengthy power outage and the perishable cold foods spoil. Find out the cost of a generator that would save you from that loss, and work out how many outages it would take for the generator to pay for itself.

    If you have an unreliable power supplier, or supply can't be assured at all times because of natural or man made disaster, it may not be just the cost of the food that you may be saving...but the more important cost of going hungry.
  15. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member

    Great info here so far. I like to think of it this way:

    When everyone else is 'into it' or 'doing it', it's probably wrong or the window has passed.
    If you are alone and those around you give That Look, you are most likely spot on.
    Wide Gate / Narrow Gate. Even if you aren't religious, it's a good parable for living correctly.

    When you have yourself in order, planning ahead like you KNOW you should, others around you will scoff, scorn and ridicule you for doing so. It's worse when it's a spouse but that's when you need to hit them with baby steps.
  16. Detentus

    Detentus Monkey+

    Sunshine, this is a common dilemma for many on other survival/prepper forums. One spouse diminishes the importance of having adequate food/supply storage while the other does his/her level best to ensure the couple has all that they need.
    I've always been a bit of a prepper and this has always been respected. At one point my dear husband thought I was going a bit overboard, but has since changed his mind because of the following reasons:
    The current administration and it's socialistic bent.
    The state of the economy and the potential for a collapse, hyperinflation or all out depression.
    Threats:both external and internal and the liklihood that the supply chain would be interrupted.
    We live in MA, and the weather here is unpredictable at best. We had a major ice storm two years ago and Boston had a water main break that affected 30 communities. People were fighting over bottled water.
    Having a generator is a must. We have two, one of which can be plugged directly into the house to run the entire operation including the well pump.
    Food prices and shortages: ever increasing prices, so why not buy now and store? I'm noticing that certain items are running in short supply and the cost is astronomical, especially meats.
    It makes more sense to have items in your pantry or in a storage area rather than running to the grocery store more frequently: saves time, money and gas. Hitting the sales and buying in bulk makes sense.
    Everyone acts as if this was a new concept. It's not. Savvy people know that any disaster, natural or otherwise could affect them. You should point out to him the government sites and their advice that you should be prepared, although their idea of being prepared is not nearly adequate and only covers 72 hours.
    If you have your own source of money all the better. You can spend it as you wish.
    As of now I have about 8 months supply to cover 4 people, including water storage, medical supplies, vitamins, first aid supplies, toiletries, and canned, dried and boxed items. Gasoline, too. Ammunition as well.
    The husband built me a 5X5X3 shelf system as well as purchase two free standing storage units to separate and store all of the above. Plus plastic storage bins for more dry food like pastas, sugars, soup mixes, etc.
    We have alternative heating and cooking sources, too.
    Remind him that prices always go up, never down and our tax rates will rise. Look up HR4646 and point out to him that if this passes you can look forward to an extra tax being levied on ALL financial transactions, on top of the regular taxes and fees that you are now paying.
  17. bnmb

    bnmb On Hiatus Banned

    YO!...The seexx thing was a joke! Don't bite my head off!... :D
    ...But seriously...don't you think that if you suddenly start feeding the bee with honey, the bee might feel insulted, since it might get that abundance of honey as manipulation attempt? ...I know that I would be...been there, had that honey...and didn't like it much! Almost got to the point where looked upon any honey as pretext to some demand or penance for some error...and that sucks!
    I think honey shouldn't be used for manipulation attempts or ways of pursuasion, since it has the power of doing more damage than good...JM2C
  18. BadgeBunny

    BadgeBunny Monkey+

    :D Then she wasn't any good at it ... manipulation that is!! Haha!! If the hubby realizes what I am up to well then it doesn't work so well ... (That works both ways around here! haha!)

    Negotiation is a never ending "process" around here ... However, I am pretty sure what works for us would drive other, well, ahem, more "normal" people daft ...
  19. bnmb

    bnmb On Hiatus Banned

    Lol...no comment...
  20. cdnboy66

    cdnboy66 Monkey++

    be patient. One of the ways I have heard is to remove all the smoke detectors in the house and explain how unecessary they are. Please don't really do this, but maybe suggest it could be done as they are never used and just take up battery power.

    Ask your spouse how much money you could save by cancelling all of your insurance...
    and the ask if you can just leave the front door unlocked all the time, because the chances are slim anyone will come in and steal anything, and it's such a hassle to use the key all the time.

    I have explained my fears and concerns and preps to my wife, she is on board because she has no choice, but she realized it wasn't just for my self that I was prepping and there were a lot of fringe benefits to it, like buying goods that are on sale, learning skills like canning, dehydrating etc etc.

    I have realized that my kids make fun of me a bit, they think I may be just past the cookoo line, but I have seen then start to think beyond tomorrow, and they get it. They have learned a few new skills and it has had a positive effect on their self confidence and their abilities.

    Good Luck, be patient and be determined.
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