feeling alone when your other half thinks your crazy!

My parents and grand parents are all gone. All of them, a product of the Great Depression were Preppers in many many ways, and I unconsciencely picked up a lot of their habits. It is only recently that I realized just how well they were prepared for possible hard times. A child of 60 years final comes to the realization that his parents and grand parents were pretty smart...... go figure.

 

Very Hot Topic: Uncooperative Spouses

Wow!

Every once in a while someone exposes a raw nerve ending and when it gets tweaked, does it ever get a lot of attention. And, deservedly so!

The task of prepping can be demanding when you do not have to deal with resistance. But when you have some resistance, it can feel like every bit of your progress is up a steep hill.

My wife has varied from tolerant observation to vehemently opposing further preparation steps. I will be continuing to prep no matter what her perspective is but I would prefer to have some cooperation.

 

thanks everyone especially Chelloveck for the wealth of info to read, Betentus, the humor from Badgebunny & Bane & encourgament from everyone else. I am going to use some advice.. leave books around & buy the generator & food anyway as it will be good deals. Its funny humans need to feel like they belong somewhere, where they can be understood & not feel alone. Thanks forgiving me that feeling. I will enjoy being part of your group. I will keep you informed as I hope he will come on board one way or another.. wink wink!!

 

Most welcome, and we're glad to have you here...I have one other thing for you to think about...I just hope I don't get lynched for this...
Here it goes...I don't have generator, and I won't be bying one or stocking on fuel!
Why? Simple...If sort of EMP happens, electronics won't work...even if it does, can you imagine what a generator would sound in city-suburbs and even open country? It will be open call for all the zombies around that the kitchen is open! It will be heard for miles around! Even if it's in your cellar, it will still stand out in the absolute deafening silence of SHTF. Plus, you can't make generator fuel at home, so what when you run out of stocked fuel?
I'm going with wind generators, bike generators, earth batteries and making alcohol as fuel. I just don't want to depend on anything I can't make on my own...If something with power happens, or electronics dies, there will be lots of cars lying around immobilized, but their generators should be still operational, so...
And wind and bike generators can be better hidden, too...

 

If it's short term, I don't really need generator...At least I'll rest from all the electronics, mobile phones, computers...where's a SHTF when you need it?...
If it's up to 6 months, how do you know it's 6 months? And fuel again could run out, so, in few days I can put up wind and bike generator...
If it's solar EMP and TEOTWAWKI...who cares about darn generator?!
If it's summer, I definitely don't need generator...if it's winter, there's wood and alcohol....sooo...I won't be getting generator at all...I'll spend the money on more important stuff...and my great-grandparents in 1900 and before didn't have electricity at all...and they were quite content.
If I can't make it, I won't use it! It's just that simple...

 

Yep, My wife thinks I am crazy. Has even threatened to leave me. Has gone to our Pastor and had him talk to me. Even threatened to discipline me out of the church and such. all because she see me as "over the top." I talk to her about it. She just wants her head in the sand and nothing I can say will change that. I will go by a few cases of beans or peas etc when they are on sale. get 3 or 4 cases stashed somewhere and when she finds them goes off on me. because I am crazy... It is a very sad and stressful life for me. I have tried to make her see that it is better to buy in bulk if for no other reason than to save money in the long run. I have heard why do you need more guns than your hunting rifle. On and on. I think I have heard it all. I have tried to make her see that it is for her. I have tried the honey and the vinegar approaches... It gets to the point where, well....

So that being said I am not sure what you can do, and truly do feel your pain. If anyone has more ideas then throw them out there. I would say you just have to keep doing what you know is right for your family. Sin aside of course.

 

Re: generator. We have those because the New England winter weather is notoriously unpredicatable and it just makes sense. Should something more sever happen these can be run to operate the well water pump to fill the storage barrels and containers we have. It can be run to store frozen and refrigerated foods until they can be treated(salted and/or dried) for future use. Of course, if it's cold they can be stored outside in coolers. We have enough gasoline treated with Sta-bil to promote longetivity. I suspect that the time frame for use of generators will be enough to ensure we can get done all we can before the influx of people from the urban areas to our neck of the woods becomes a problem. Use of generators is strictly a personal choice. It would work well for us.

 

Being alone really sucks!
I can say that now....the wife was the first out the door, literally...then my son and his girlfriend went, then his school buddy left, and a friend of several years departed....That leaves me and a dog!
Could be worse right? I could throw in the towel and join the "ranks" of those that are convinced I have lost what few marbles I ever had!
Personally, ( don't tell anyone!) I feel just fine, lonely at times yes, BUT, I have more food and equipment now than I ever imagined!
See, I was outfitting and purchasing for 6 or 7, and now, it's me and the dang dog! Now, IF he decides to leave,.............!

 

You should move to the Balkans....If you were here, you would never be alone. You would be our guest for lunch or dinner at least once a week, and we would be your guests maybe even more often...not to mention pubs, bars, restaurants! Here, we are never alone...since we killed all the shrinks, we have to stick with each other, so we can keep curing our complexes and heartaches on each other!...

 

I can see it now....

Welcome to the Survival Monkey Love forum.... a new section on the site where we will match you up with another prepper for life... Just remember that they are preppers too your divorce could cost you more than your money... and boy can these folks shoot....

Actually i think Prepping is kind of like military life ... it's not for everyone... my wife dosen't like clutter and unfortunately sometimes thinks my preps fall in that category... we had a discussion and determined that i don't drink, don't gamble. and don't run around... i Prep... she thinks that she has a deal in that and will put up with my preps as long as she dosen't see them and all of the other bills are paid first... i try to keep it down to around $20-$30 a week extra batteries, rice, beans, spices... etc you can do a pretty good job over a period of time in this fashion... here on the east coast we have hurricanes and with a farm we can do some prepping that is a total tax write off as a business expense... (diesel, generators, tools, and building supplies).. .
You just need to be a little creative in how you prep... dual use items... and putting your preps where they are not ni your spouses view...

just my thoughts...

 

Seriously?? I kinda like being by myself. I grew up in a large family (with a small house), then moved to a dorm for college. Had my own apartment for a few years and LOVED it. Then had kids ... was oh, so close to being on my own again and then got married ...

I have never been able to get enough of being off by myself ... just me and the dog ... that sounds like heaven ... (and don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but it is WONDERFUL when his days' off end and he goes back to work ... )

 

To the original poster-

Withholding sex from your man is not the answer, trust me this does not work and can cause more arguments/tension than may already be present. Neither is overwhelming him with literature about SHTF and/or TEOTWAWKI scenarios, unless you want him to be thoroughly convinced that you are crazy.

Obviously, if I knew your husband this would be easier to answer. You need to find an avenue in which he can relate to, everybody has their comfort level. A generator is a large purchase, you may need to ease him into the stocking up of things around the house first.

ETA:

Does your husband have a workshop?

Is he into working on vehicles?

Does he work in construction?

Just throwing some questions out there, to help you think of an avenue to justify a generator. If he is into anything related above, acquiring a generator might be easier than you think.

Whatever you do, do not try to sneak or hide what you are doing from him.

 

Negotiating a Way Forward

You’re welcome Sunshine. I’m only relatively new to the community at this site, and was impressed by the general quality of the inputs by forum contributors….ah, well….to be honest, I started out by killing my download allowance, with the .pdf files at this site. I looked the forums over and found what I thought might make an interesting home. Although I do tweak the occasional nose here and there, and sometimes my debating style can be somewhat “robust”, if anyone genuinely needs help, I’m happy to offer assistance, even to my most obdurate of debating opponents.
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comI’m somewhat fortunate in that I’m a solo operator, not being in a partnership with a significant other, so I can pretty much please myself. My preparations are principally for myself, and my sons, and my ex (I have sound survival reasons for making provision for my ex…she is an experienced and competent registered nurse, and she IS the mother and grandmother of our progeny (and a damned good mum and grandmum she is at that). Sometimes I think that it would be nice to be partnered with a like mind, to bounce ideas off and to share the vision of self-sufficiency and self-reliance, but one does what one must with what one has.

I’m a little surprised and somewhat disappointed at the way the thread has deviated at something of a tangent into the realms of “domestic discipline” and “domestic violence”, and I really don’t want to encourage the discourse in that direction, other than to say, that working out effective conflict resolution strategies that are fair, just, and work equitably for all stakeholders concerned is a very important aspect of creating a willing and winning survival team effort. Inevitably there will be conflicts of opinion in setting goals, allocating resources, making budgetary and purchasing decisions and so forth, and it is better to arrive at outcomes that all parties can feel reasonably comfortable in supporting, than to coerce compliance. This is particularly so when the values relating to prepping and survivalism between partners are divergent, at least in the early stages of the process.

Someone made mention of negotiation as a decision making strategy, and that is an excellent way to go. Perhaps you can start with small, easy, low cost, un-contentious, purchasing decisions to begin with, that he can feel comfortable in supporting, and reward his cooperation with some kind of positive reinforcement like a hug or cook something that he really likes. You don’t even have to say explicitly that the meal is his reward, just knowing that it makes you happy may be enough in itself. A succession of small mutual wins over a period of time may pave the way to making the harder and more contentious decisions a little easier to negotiate together.

Leadership, followership, problem solving and decision making are all important aspects of a viable survival team relationship, whether it be a family, or a group of unrelated people. The processes one can afford to follow when decisions can be made in relative peace, security and not under the stresses of imminent injury or death, can be somewhat different in situations when the life of the individual or the group is on the line, facing imminent extinction. It is a subject that is probably best expanded upon in a different thread or in a blogg at this site, rather than in this thread. You have stimulated quite a few minds in this thread Sunshine. I look forward to reading future contributions from you here.


Cheers from Chello.

 

Wow ... the things a girl misses out on when she takes off a day for a little outpatient surgery ...

Just for the record let me say that my "manipulation" comments were made tongue-in-cheek ... However my "negotiation" comments stand. If you cannot (or will not) negotiate with your spouse or significant other then your marriage is not long for this world, IHMO. No collaboration (and marriage IS a collaboration) will survive long if each of the parties thereto do not reap some benefit every once in a while.

Sunshine, it appears that preparing has become important to you. Your husband needs to realize this. As long as a "need" does not sacrifice the sancity of your union (and again, for every couple out there the boundaries are different) I say do what you can.

My husband would NEVER have been able to convince me we needed a generator. AND I DO MEAN NEVER ... I was well into middle age and had NEVER experienced a power outage that lasted longer than a few hours, therefore, to me, a generator was an unnecessary expense. I was, however, proven wrong. I am just grateful that he had the good sense to use what was his "play money" to do what made him comfortable. I am also grateful that he has not seen the need to rub my nose in it every chance he gets. Playful teasing is one thing ... pissy, holier-than-thou, I am smarter than you comments are quite another. (And I do keep score! )

We now both have a little less "play money" and a dedicated allotment set aside to prep with. Like others have said, sometimes it take baby steps, but, unfortunately, time is on your side ... My guess it at some point there will be a moment when you guys will be in a situation that your preparations will come in handy. I wish we never had to experience those moments, but they do happen to all of us.

You will find a lot of good information here and a lot of people willing to help when you ask questions. Good luck!!

 

I guess that I am very fortunate that my wife is on-board with preps. We have a list of items posted on the refrigerator of A-items, B-items, and C-items. Every single trip to the store for any reason requires the purchase of either one A-list item, two B-list, or three C-list items or there is a fine penalty for wasting gasoline that goes into the general prep-fund.

 

Ohhhhhh.... that's a GOOD idea ... this is what I like about Survival Monkey ...

I adore my hubby but it is common knowledge that I am the more organized member of the group of two. Hubby sees he wants ... List?? what list?? Oh, that list?? You mean I have to wait??? LOL

He is so much better now than he used to be though. (Each of us having our own separate "play money" account has helped tremendously!!)

 

The way to my mans heart & head is his stomach. He helped me make 6 apple pies & I said "wouldnt it be terrible if we lost power & all this baking & the rest of the items in the freezer went bad without power". That got him thinking so we are now getting a generator ( eventhough winter is coming & its cold enough to leave outside but I wasnt going to mention that!) YESSSS, but as we talked when making pies he brought up a point..too old to be a prepper!! I am going to put that on a post to see what other people's thoughts are.