Getting Elderly Parents to Scale Back

Discussion in 'General Survival and Preparedness' started by Motomom34, Mar 8, 2018.


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  1. Motomom34

    Motomom34 Monkey+++

    My Mom and step-dad have a mini farm: Sheep, goats, pig, donkeys and chickens. They love their farm and it gives them happiness to have the animals plus they have land. The sheep and goats help keep the land clear. In recent years they have scaled back on the gardens and are not growing half of what they used to because it was too much work. Yesterday they got 2 feet of snow which takes a lot of work to clear but also caring for all the animals in those conditions is a huge chore.

    When I was at the farm in February, we had to haul water from the house spigot to the barn because the water line at the barn was frozen. Due to health issues sometimes the chores fall on one and I fear that is too much work. I did bring up the topic twice of scaling back on the critters but didn’t have a really good argument other then I worry that it is too much work. I know that tending the animals’ gives them exercise and joy but where do you draw the line? Lately they have been hiring someone to clean the barn which helps relieve some of the work. I do worry and would hate for Mom to fall while hauling water and lay in the snow. Don’t know if there is a way to get them to scale back or if I should just let it go?
     
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  2. azrancher

    azrancher Monkey +++

    Have her leave the faucet in the barn trickling a bit on real cold nights, that will keep the underground line from freezing.

    Rancher
     
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  3. Motomom34

    Motomom34 Monkey+++

    Yeah, I think they forgot and they had a real cold week so now things are pretty solid till spring. But in the meantime, when it snows you shovel, plow, clear paths and haul water. That is a lot of work. Plus you have to feed them, open gates etc...
     
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  4. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    Recommnd they install frost free valves on any outside faucets, those can be used year round with out issue! Clark and Godwin make some, and I know there are other brands that do the same thing! We have 8 total at the Ranch, and have yet to have any issues!
     
    sec_monkey likes this.
  5. BTPost

    BTPost Stumpy Old Fart,Deadman Walking, Snow Monkey Moderator

    Smart People lay underground Water Pipes, BELOW the Freeze Depth, so this doesn't happen... and real Smart People insulate said critical Water Pipes with Foam Pipe-wraps and Heat Tape inside, when the Freeze Depth is deeper than 3 ft....
     
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  6. RightHand

    RightHand Been There, Done That RIP 4/15/21 Moderator Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I have a problem with children trying to rearrange the lives their parents choose to live. While I agree that helping them adapt using alternative methods as the conditions of their lives change, how they choose to live is their choice and no one else, not even their children. As my own parents aged, I had to adapt to accommodate their changing needs, not the other way around
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2018
  7. DarkLight

    DarkLight Live Long and Prosper - On Hiatus

    As long as you aren't being demeaning to someone who may have bought it the way it is and or didn't have the background to do it "right" to begin with...

    Try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
     
  8. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    Pretty much agree that trying to make decisions for elderly relatives is a fool's errand, aged stubbornness is hard to overcome and impossible to reason with. As long as they can do it, they will, so let 'em. When they can't, they'll have hired hands come around. (Or get you to move in and run the show for them.) Whether you are the hired hand or someone else is, it is only a money limit.
     
  9. arleigh

    arleigh Goophy monkey

    Some day if your lucky some one will be accommodating you.
     
  10. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    There IS no way. Get her a panic button, insist (if you can get away with it) that she carries it, and let it go. Rag on them, they will get pissed and ignore you twice as hard.
     
  11. RightHand

    RightHand Been There, Done That RIP 4/15/21 Moderator Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    They do already but they also know better than to try to change me. ;)
     
  12. BTPost

    BTPost Stumpy Old Fart,Deadman Walking, Snow Monkey Moderator

    Yup, We are dealing with AlaskaChick's Parents in a similar situation these days.... Best to let them tell you when they need help, and then provide only what they ask you for.... It is very HARD for Older Folks, to get used to what they are NO Longer able to do for themselves, and ASKING for Help is a BIG Blow to their Self-esteam...

    Our children are already working behind the scenes, to decide WHO is going to take care of Us, when we have to leave Alaska... It is fun to watch, and harder to imagine...
     
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  13. Motomom34

    Motomom34 Monkey+++

    It is hard because I am not close enough to arrive after a storm with my shovel and help clear things or if one of them is ill to be able to take over the chores for a few weeks. I do not make it an issue but I do think just keeping chickens and maybe getting rid of some of the other animals would make their lives easier. That is my opinion and all it is all it is- my opinion. I have heard that sometimes roles reverse as children grow and parents age.

    I suggested panic button with my father and was firmly told NO!. :) and those panic buttons now also have gps tracking so you can locate them if they like to go for drives around the country side.
     
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  14. HK_User

    HK_User A Productive Monkey is a Happy Monkey

    Hauling Water? What does that mean in your case.

    Gates? Can be set up in various ways to open.

    Scaling down will finally come when they leave this earth, until then let them play.
     
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  15. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    In good weather, my kids are 5 hours away. I'll just have to adapt. So far as the panic buttons go, and as onerous as tracking can be, if they go down in high grass while walking around the back 40, they still might be of value. Again, it's their choice, and wringing your hands will do naught but wrinkle your skin.

    One thing you might do is contract with a snow removal crew to do it for them, that way you don't need to go over on bad roads, even if they were close enough to make that a possibility. That is a call YOU can make.
     
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  16. I lost my dad in'02, my mom in'04, and my oldest sister in '06. Spend as much time with your parents as you can. Get their stories, recordings if possible. Get your mom's recipes. Get your dad to tell you how he did things. Spend as much time with them as you can. Tell them you love them, you only get one pair.
     
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  17. Thunder5Ranch

    Thunder5Ranch Monkey+++

    One of my kids tried the you are not what you used to be conversation........... All he accomplished was being specifically excluded from my will and written out of the trust.
     
  18. Motomom34

    Motomom34 Monkey+++

    I am blessed because I have a good relationship with my parents. My parents know I always have good intentions with their safety and comfort in mind. Besides, some conversations need to be had, whether results happen at least thoughts and wishes are said.
     
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  19. DKR

    DKR Raconteur of the first stripe

    sadly, with too many people...

    [​IMG]
    they just won't take a hint until it is really too late.
     
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  20. Zimmy

    Zimmy Wait, I'm not ready!

    That hard work and activity may be what’s keeping them alive. I’d leave them alone. They’ll get tired and scale back if they need to.

    However, I do like the idea of snow removal crew coming out. That’s just a gift and a dang considerate one at that. Maybe cut a deal with the hired help they’re already using.......

    As for getting hurt, that can happen to any of the elderly at anytime and anywhere.
     
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