Getting Elderly Parents to Scale Back

@Motomom34 at least you are having the conversations, suggestion.... ask them if you can help them explore how to make this easier for them... people are adults until their mind goes and once their mind is gone its like having young children, all you can do is keep them safe, in the mean time finding ways to help make their chores easier and doing creative thinking and making suggestions for making things easier is more help than trying to get them to change.

Most people dont have the conversation of 'how can we make this easier' the guys who posted above had some great suggestions.

other than physical, sometimes elderly dont spend as much time looking for easier ways to do things so if you can come up with a few things that will help them, then you are ahead of the game. Our parents are adults, they get to decide when they have had enough. My own father is starting to go mentally at age 92 so my mom and i are looking at how to keep him safe, i finally had a conversation with him about not running out of the front door and leaving it open when he hears a gun shot. (he forgets his gun lol and he is too vulnerable when he does that. ) It wasnt an easy conversation and i had to point out that he leaves mom vulnerable when he runs out, leaves the door open and i had to ask how did he expect to get back to the door before a 20 somthing idiot could get in the house and lock him out. at somepoint we may have to take his gun but for now he's lucid enough to make that call. Its not easy watching them get older.

my mom loves to garden but couldn't get on the ground. i made raised beds with auto watering, and i planted the front beds on the ground with aloe so they have a usefull plant that doesnt need attention. I had these discussions with her before we did anything and asked what she wanted. And after months of discussion we had an action plan. My parents have to think for months on anything before making changes, and with my schedule im ok with a long time frame.

Good luck with those conversation. Love isnt always easy on them or us but in the end I believe love, and respect win out in any relationship.

 

Thank you @Ganado I love what you wrote and "how to make things easier" is exactly the approach I need to take.

 

We have the same issues with my folks, especially my Dad who is all go and no whoa! He hates being tied along side and is constantly doing something to get into trouble, even hobbies, which have had to be cut back! It sucks, but it' had to happen! My brothers and I had several sit downs with the folks and pointed out the risks of doing things, especially with out adult supervision, so they understand the risk isn't worth it! Mom is really suffering badly, with the resumption of chemo and the degradation of her lung capacity, it's been very difficult for her to have to give up the things she most loves, but attempting to do them costs her, and will end her if she doesn't stop! It' All we can do to keep them both out of assisted living, and we're right on the edge of that, but were trying to keep from going down that road as long as we can! Thankfully, the short term move to Az. Has actually improved things, Dad is contented enough to enjoy the nice weather and little day trips or out enjoying small events he doesn't have to expend much energy on, and poor mom, while ambulatory, she is only good for a few minutes, then out of breath, so she keeps to the books, mostly! Sucks big time, but that's where we are!

 

My parents worked all their lives, I really wish they would just stop thinking they have to do & produce. Sometimes I think it is a work ethic thing. Many in the older generation have been working since they were young and know no other way.

 

Sedentary life styles kills .
No demand on life =no demand for life. death.

 

Motomom, I don't know how old your parents are. My dad was born in 1915 and mom in 1917. The defining events in their lives were the great depression and WW II. Hard work was not an option, it was just something they did. They could not put themselves in neutral. I really miss 'em both. I wish I ask them for advice, just talk to them.

 

On the other hand, often when old folks stop doing what they spent their lives doing and just sit and watch TV, they are passed and gone in a few months.

 

In case you are in need of a replacement heir, I would never say such a thing to you. Ever. Never, ever.

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Seriously, MM, just let them do as they have been doing. I recall my mom (both of my parents are long deceased), trying to convince my granny that she needed to change her eating habits. She was 83. They have lived their entire lives doing their own thing. I really believe you would just alienate them, by trying to convince them of anything. Let 'em live the way they are. One day, they will probably realize they need your input / help. At that time, if they do, they will come to you. After all, who wants to feel as though they can't take care of themselves any longer?

 

I was at Verion today and they have a new product called The Hum
Drive Smarter With Connected Car Technology | Hum by Verizon
It is a car tracker but also monitors oil changes and stuff. There is a clip you put on the visor that has and emergency button plus if your airbag deploys, it calls 911. Where my Mom lives it gets little service so I do not think the Hum would be good but it is an interesting device.

 

LOL I have twin sons and the other one does not believe 50 is ancient and ready for a nursing home. Of course that might change Figured I better flush the one turd before he tried that getting guardianship nonsense that is so popular now days.