Yep it happens to all of us I knew when I chose to live a a very rural life and be as self sufficient as I possibly could, that one day I would get old and not be able to do the things I did in my younger years. Grandpa dispensed a lot of good advice in my youth, and I took it as the gosphel. "Never go into debt, if you can't pay cash for it you don't need it", being the best advice I ever followed. Equally as good has been, "what you did yesterday will always determine how well you are going to do today, and what you do today will determine on well tomorrow is going to go". Usually chased by "Always do better today than you did yesterday and be planning today how you are going to do better tomorrow". These were much more than just words to me, growing up on a small farm that struggled through 70s and 80s and seeing first hand how bad things could get when hog prices dropped to .08 cents per pound and we couldn't give the grain away. It was Grandpas living those words of advice that saw us through those times. I joined the army for a fun and exciting first job off the farm in 1985 and took leave in 1991 to return home for Grandpas funeral. I thought to myself in his 87 years of life the man had seen a lot. The great depression, he fought in WW2 and Korea, Farmed through the prosperity of the 50s and 60s, saw the green revolution and largely rejected it, struggled to survive the small farms being devoured by consolidation in the 70s and 80s and did it, and lived life his way, and on his terms the whole trip. He left the Farm to myself and one Uncle that was only a few years older than me and we were more like brothers, hell we were raised like we were brothers. The day of the funeral his other 3 kids were already plotting how to get control of the farm and cash it in. As expected they contested the will and neither myself or my uncle had the funds to put up much of a legal fight. The army required my presence back in Iraq/Kuwait and my 30 days of leave was not nearly enough time to get into a estate fight. Long story short they won and we lost and the farm was auctioned off. So I saved everything I made in the army over the next three years, I had a decent chunk saved from the enlistment bonus, the re-up bonus and the combat pay. Drove a tractor trailer after getting out since it was a isolated job and the truck was home, like anything else you can be a broke truck driver or you can live on the cheap and sack away the money. I hated the job btw But it was a means to a end. I quit driving in 99/2000 at 32 years old and with $317,000 in my dirty sock. I used that money to buy my land, the base equipment, livestock, and a brand new 2001 dodge 2500 larmie diesel that I still drive today. In 28 days I will turn 50. I find myself looking back over the last 50 years and judging myself over those years. Asking if I had everything to do over, would I do anything different. The answer keep coming back no. I can honestly say I have never intentionally lied to anyone, and there were more than a few times a little flexing of the truth would have spared me a lot of problems. I have been wrong more than once or twice and will be the first to admit when I am. I am after all only human and perfection, while a worthy goal is not an obtainable goal. But it is not about being perfect, it is about being strong enough to weather any storm and come out alive and with your honor intact. So here I sit closing in on 50 years old, well into year two of trying to recover from the havoc the sepsis last year played on my body. Learned last week that the weeks of intense fever last spring and summer caused some brain damage....... No not the slobbering idiot kind of brain damage It basically fried my brains hot and cold receptors. 80 degrees feels like 120 and 60 degrees feels like -40 and my brain with its fried wiring is constantly trying to run the air conditioner and the furnace at the same time anytime I am out of that 65-75 degree sweet spot. To the point if I don't go inside after a hour or two to level things out the brain will just shut me down. Ad into that the organ damage from the septic infection and I find I can only physically do a fraction of what I could do in the early spring of 2016. So what I did yesterday is having a great sway on how well things today are going. The things I built, the infrastructure I put in and the things I did to make things easier as I aged are really coming into play.......... 20 years earlier than I expected or planned for them to come into play though Never having had any debt and owning everything outright, sure is some serious peace of mind. If I were living the normal life, after my income dropping to 20% of what it had been and trying to make car payments, a mortgage payment, credit card payments and every other payment the vast majority of people seem to have.......... I would most likely have had the farm foreclosed on and be in bankruptcy right now. As it is I am living comfortably, the farm still makes enough to pay what few bills I do have and cover the taxes. People keep telling me I need to go on SSD, I keep telling them to stick that idea up their back side. I can still do my work, just less of it, I can still walk, use both arms, see, hear and unfortunately when around the neo hippies smell........ Someone needs to tell them enmass that NO YOUR BODY DOES NOT SELF CLEANSE AND YOU SMELL LIKE POOP! There is a reason why back in the day when we came in after weeks in the field that we spent atleast a hour under the hottest shower we could stand WE WERE GRUNGY AND SMELLED LIKE POOP! Don't think even the base gate whores would have touched us So to my way of thinking, I can feed, house and provide for myself......... therefore I am NOT DISABLED. I have lived in a black and white world and have never accepted grey. Grey areas in my opinion are nothing more than doing wrong, when you should have done right. Nothing is more complex than we make it. Infact everything in this world is remarkably simple. People make fortunes and fame and collect power, control, and money by making things complicated. Guess complicated is also on the other end of the spectrum a good tool for generating sympathy and handouts. I live in a world of natural consequences, both positive and negative. You work, you make shelter, fire, food and safe water to drink and you are comfortable ( A positive consequence) If you don't do these things you are exposed to the elements, cold, hungry and Thirsty (A negative consequence). I don't get how these poor schmucks who are perfectly healthy, go through life expecting everyone else to provide for them and pay their way with no or minimal effort on their part. Don't get me wrong I have no problem taking care of those who really cannot take care of or provide for themselves, it galls me to to end to pay for people who are perfectly capable and choose to be dependent. Worse yet are the worthless breeders that refuse to provide for themselves and depend on everyone who does work to provide for them........... that then make a house full of babies for the working to provide for. This don't judge them you don't know their circumstances is pure BS, if they men and women both are healthy enough to screw each other silly and make welfare babies, they are healthy enough to to work and provide for themselves. I hate millenials in general, sure there are exceptions. The majority are tech and mommy and daddy dependent pieces of human fecal matter that have never known hardship and blame everything wrong in their lives on Gen X and the Babyboomers. Guess what we had the same problems, the same struggles and most of us did not inherit a damn dime or have a trust set up for us. Most of the older Mills I meet either have gotten a phat inheritance or have a trust fund set up for them and still cry about how the boomers and degenration X screwed them over. God help this Country when these asshats take full control of it. Idiots can't do anything without consulting their Oracle called a smart phone. But hey while we are teaching our boys to be girls and our girls to be boys and to be whatever you identify as............... Other not so nice places are teaching their little boys how to kill with knives and AKs and how to properly fit a suicide vest under the girls dresses..... With eye on America. And these dipshits think every bad guy in the world just wants to be our best friend. My big question is why is North Korea still a country after that missile over Japan? The fat little pug has made the threat, has the missiles, and has the nukes. Are we really going to wait for him to land one on us or one of our allies before we castrate the little prick. More of that doing the wrong thing instead of the right thing. It would take around 5 minutes to eliminate the nuke threat and another 168 hours to mop up any resistance and reunify Korea under the Souths control and send a clear message to the rest of the little pricks around the world, this is what happens when you threaten us. Sure china will be pissed, does anyone really believe they are going to go to all out war over their little fat boy that they have lost all control over? Again not really that complex of a situtation until we make it complex. So yep I am getting old, have been really sick, and now really tired of the fringe idiocy that has became mainstream and is looking like it will dominate this Nation sooner rather than later.