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Where did I come from

Discussion in 'Blogs' started by RightHand, Jan 31, 2015.

  1. RightHand

    RightHand Pioneer in a New World Moderator Founding Member

    Where did I Come From?

    I guess that’s the adult version of “How are babies made” but something I find myself questioning. How did I come to be? How did this quirky, self protective, loner go from my first breath to the person living in my skin? Is there an alternate self hiding in the shadows?

    My father was a man who believed in and lived the power of self. He believed what he wanted was within his reach if he stayed true to his beliefs and regardless of how he might be viewed by others, the only measurement he needed was from the man who looked back at him from the mirror. I have a lifetime of memories of the wisdom imparted on me by this man. These were things that became a part of me, a part of who I am today. “Live with Courage,” “Don’t back down, girl,” “Home is where you hang your hat,” The best life compass you will ever own is the voice inside your head,” “Use a map but if you get lost, rely on instinct to find your way, and my favorite, stolen from Shakespeare, “To thine own self be true.”

    With these few short words, thus the person I am began to emerge. From my father, I learned that I was the “Captain of my fate and the master of my soul.” What more could a person need to know. There were other words, often unrepeatable and usually following some youthful transgression, but those I let slide past me like butter on a hot skillet. They weren’t the essence and I knew it.

    My mother, on the other hand, was someone who lived for those she loved. She was our heart, our home, our approval, the one to whom we turned when we needed reassurance. She was part cheerleader, fierce defender, and the consummate peacemaker. My dad and I butted heads on many occasions and it was my mom who would bring us both back to center, mend the wounds and erase the scars.

    From this woman I heard “You have an angel on your shoulder who whispers in your ear ‘Be not afraid’” and I wasn’t. I have always known that my brother, my first and best friend, was the angel on my shoulder and to this day he stays with me. The only difference is he now has company. I think they might hold an angelic conference and decide on the best way to get their point across but I know the voices in my ear get pretty noisy at times. So, from my mother, I learned that I would never be alone regardless of my circumstances. That has given me a powerful sense of freedom. And with this freedom, she taught me to chart my own path and lead a strong and determined life, not one force fed by others. She tried to teach me kindness but I think I’m too much like my dad for that.

    I was married to a man who told me, with some frequency, that he would take me out behind the barn and shoot me. These words taught me to be prepared….for anything! Everything in life is a lesson. From this man I learned that marriage was probably an experience best had only once, something akin to cod liver oil.

    More times than I care to remember people have told me that I am too serious but when I hear that, I know that these are people who don’t really know me, only the face I wear when I have to deal with the rest of the world. Yes, I am serious and yes, I do spend a lot of time thinking but that is part of what being a loner means.

    I don’t have all the answers of where I came from but enough to know that I’m not going to change. I am, for better or for worse, who I am and I'll never apologize for that
  2. Sapper John

    Sapper John Analog Monkey in a Digital World

    Now that is a beautiful sentiment!
    RightHand likes this.
  3. Dunerunner

    Dunerunner Monkey

    A living legacy for everyone. I soooo appreciate your sharing this!! And! Why can't I like a post more than once!!!
    vonslob and RightHand like this.
  4. Bug

    Bug Monkey+

    Always good to know u were taught good values from ur parents
    RightHand likes this.
  5. Bug

    Bug Monkey+

    I grew up with parents that tried to kill each other everyday and my dad ran around on mom everyday so I decided I would live a peaceful life with a man who would be faithful to me...
    RightHand, Motomom34 and KAS like this.
  6. tacmotusn

    tacmotusn Mosquito Sailor

    Yup, I can't express myself with such a beautiful bucket of words, but I know that both of my parents worked their butts off for me. They taught me family values, right and wrong, the ten commandments, the golden rule. When to hold em, and when to fold em. I am the sum parts of all my life experiences, good, bad, for better, or for worse. They taught me about honor and honesty. They also taught me that we all fail at times and to never give up. They prepared me for a life that is not always fair, but indeed often far from it. They both died early by my way of thinking, and far from being done with life, for they were very active and missed when they left. Dad at 60 and Mom at 77. I still have plenty I want to do and see, as well as folks to teach a thing or three. So I will keep moving forward, seldom looking back. Chin up optimistic, and proud to be here.
    Motomom34, Yard Dart, BTPost and 2 others like this.
  7. Motomom34

    Motomom34 Moderator Moderator Site Supporter++

    I have read this a few times. You are so content, happy and sure of who you are. You are blessed that you had a stable and decent upbringing. Most never have the sense of who they are. You are a very interesting person.
  8. RightHand

    RightHand Pioneer in a New World Moderator Founding Member

    LOL Thank you - I've had a long time to think about it!
    Sapper John, Motomom34 and ghrit like this.
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