Your Best Non-Swearing Insult

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Ganado, Feb 2, 2017.


Tags:
  1. Tempstar

    Tempstar Monkey+++

    What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? I hear you wont eat broccoli!
     
  2. chimo

    chimo the few, the proud, the jarhead monkey crowd

    I feel blessed to have met living proof that abortions can fail

    Not sure if this acronym can be called an insult...it's more like a call to action:
    PGFY
     
    UncleMorgan and Gator 45/70 like this.
  3. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    Is the following example my best effort? Possibly not.....but I kind of like it.....

     
  4. arleigh

    arleigh Goophy monkey

    I know that you think I'm a goof , but I think you are far more accomplished.
     
  5. Gray Wolf

    Gray Wolf Monkey+++

    The best one I ever heard was "If a hummingbird had your brains it would fly backwards over a marijuana patch and suck a mule's
    butt for a morning glory" The receiver of this magnificent insult thought about it for a few seconds and answered "Why...Thank you!"
     
  6. chimo

    chimo the few, the proud, the jarhead monkey crowd

    "Before you opened your pie hole, I only assumed you were a freakin moron. Thank you so much for removing all doubt".
     
  7. Meat

    Meat Monkey+++

    Yer mom.
     
    Brokor, chimo, UncleMorgan and 2 others like this.
  8. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    Go tie a pork chop around your neck so the dog will play with you.

    Your so ugly that your mama would bring you down to the cookie factory so that they would slap you face in the dough so they could make...Monster cookies!
     
  9. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Crotch Critters!
     
  10. DKR

    DKR Raconteur of the first stripe

    I had a coworker made a comment to me that I took umbrage with. Rather than lash out or say something rude, I asked if he had been present at the birth of his children.

    Yes, he said, great stuff.

    I continued with - "Wonderful, indeed. Where you present when they got started...?" then I turned and left. I was told later that it took him a good ten minutes to get what I really said.

    Sometimes, being subtle is a waste...
     
  11. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    obviously the best part of you was running down your mothers leg...
     
    Gator 45/70 and UncleMorgan like this.
  12. UncleMorgan

    UncleMorgan I like peeling bananas and (occasionally) people.

    Had a guy come in late to work one day, all partied out and majorly hungover.

    Instead of suiting up, he walked over to where I was welding and said "Man, I feel like s#1t!"

    I just looked up at him and said "Well, you know the old saying--you are what you eat."

    (It was, yes, the start of a glorious day!)
     
    fmhuff, Sgt Nambu and Gator 45/70 like this.
  13. magicfingers

    magicfingers Monkey+++

    You're the reason why cousins shouldn't marry..
     
    Gator 45/70 and Sgt Nambu like this.
  14. VisuTrac

    VisuTrac Ваша мать носит военные ботинки Site Supporter+++

    You dodged a coat hanger, didn't you?
     
    Gator 45/70 and Meat like this.
  15. Mountainman

    Mountainman Großes Mitglied Site Supporter+++

    What's the difference between a porcupine and someone that drives a (insert persons vehicle here). With a porcupine the pricks are on the outside.
     
    Gator 45/70 likes this.
  16. Ganado

    Ganado Monkey+++

    Wow you sure are black and blue from ppl touching you with a 10 ft pole!
     
  17. chimo

    chimo the few, the proud, the jarhead monkey crowd

    Jo momma
     
    Ganado likes this.
  18. Brokor

    Brokor Live Free or Cry Moderator Site Supporter+++ Founding Member

    I once had a Grandmaster Freemason of a lodge say to me, "You will never know."

    I just replied, "What? That you can all go JA-BU-LOW me? That it's no coincidence you're the President of a local bank? And you can tell that to your B'nai B'rith Zionist masters, too. The only secrets you hold consists of back room deals with local police and banker pals. I got your number. My number is Legion."

    *edit* A Cliff Notes version for those who may not have full knowledge of this subject, conduct a Google search for the following: B'nai B'rith Freemasonry - B'nai B'rith Zionism - Jahbulon
     
  19. 2Chest1Head

    2Chest1Head Monkey+++

    One for any situation......When someone calls you any sort of unsavory name, just state...

    "I've been called worse by better."
     
  20. DKR

    DKR Raconteur of the first stripe

    You know, I'm pretty careful not to be too insulting to anyone where I work.

    After all, you can't watch your coffee cup full time, eh?
     
    Gator 45/70, Ganado and ghrit like this.
  1. Dunerunner
  2. Yard Dart
  3. Yard Dart
  4. Altoidfishfins
  5. Yard Dart
    [IMG]
    Thread by: Yard Dart, Oct 23, 2018, 23 replies, in forum: Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions
  6. 3M-TA3
  7. Witch Doctor 01
  8. Asia-Off-Grid
    [ATTACH]
    Thread by: Asia-Off-Grid, Jul 25, 2018, 10 replies, in forum: Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions
  9. chelloveck
  10. 3M-TA3
  11. Yard Dart
  12. OldDude49
  13. RJB
  14. Legion489
    [IMG]
    Thread by: Legion489, Jun 13, 2017, 8 replies, in forum: Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions
  15. Yard Dart
  16. Yard Dart
  17. chelloveck
  18. Yard Dart
survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary
17282WuJHksJ9798f34razfKbPATqTq9E7